ANGEL': The Complete Story
by Nick
Summary: Five mini-stories detailing a new, alien member of the crew's arrival on Voyager.


**__**

ANGEL 

By Nick

Chapter One: Encounters 

Captain's Log Stardate ****: 

The Borg ship found floating adrift in space two days ago yielded only one living life-form- an unconscious humanoid of a race Neelix has referred to as the Gginzaid. 

Discovered in a tank filled with a curious liquid and surrounded by other similar tanks containing deceased members of her race, the alien- a female was beamed directly to sickbay where the EMH is working on reviving her.

Members of the away team that beamed onto the dead ship- Commander Chakotay, Lt. Tuvok and Ensign Kim have all reported feelings of distress at what they discovered there and all but Tuvok have been granted a week's leave from duty to recover. 

The only remaining members of the Borg collective left on the ship were dead at their stations and in a state of some decay as were the Gginzaid race whom we believe to have been imprisoned by the Borg as a prelude to assimilation. Over 1000 dead Gginzaid were found in the liquid filled tanks and autopsies carried out on several of these would suggest that they did not go willingly. The doctor has estimated that the deaths occurred approximately seven years ago.

Yet more disturbing has been the discovery of surveillance and computer logging equipment which charted the last few days on board that vessel. That Mr Tuvok himself has reported the footage to be highly disturbing serves as a gauge as to the seriousness of the subject matter.

The three away team members have taken it upon themselves to stay with and watch over the still unconscious alien, such is their concern for her welfare. Our concern has increased one hundred-fold since the content of the Borg ship's logs became common knowledge.

Our Borg representative has remained typically stoic on the matter and most of our information on the Gginzaid female has come from Mr Neelix.

^^^^

"Ensign Kim, I have told yourself, the commander and Mr Tuvok several times now that when she wakes up I will inform you. There is little point in your remaining here- all you are doing is getting in my way." The EMH sighed dramatically at Kim's lack of response. "Why do I bother?" he addressed the ceiling in the vain hope of getting a greater response and not getting it, retreated to his office to add to his list of curious findings on the alien woman currently residing in his sick bay. He admitted to feeling some relief that the creature could survive out of the liquid since that the stuff stank like Roehaedron elephant dung. The stench was so strong that it had permeated the air recycling system and the entire ship still reeked of the vile odour…

It turned out that the alien was descended from a largely amphibious race and had gills as well as lungs enabling it to live in both water and air. The female was of average height in human terms and of a medium build with pale almost bluish skin and violet coloured eyes. Her hands, arms and neck were covered with indigo- coloured markings formed by cutting the skin in intricate patterns and then pouring a dye of some sort into the scars formed. The tattoo-like markings adorned her face also, stretching up from her neck to join over her eyebrows before continuing down her neck into a deep V-shape on her back. An unfinished circular shape decorated the small of her back. 

Judging by the state of her internal organs he guessed that the alien was in late middle age although in remarkably good shape- on the outside she looked in no more than her late twenties. There was no sign of an autonomic nervous system which led him to consider that the Gginzaid ANS was located in the cerebral hemispheres leaving little or no space for higher cerebral functioning which would mean that her race were not a sentient one. The intricate markings that adorned her body might then have been made by another race, he supposed, but Neelix's reports more or less nullified that…

"Well, you **are** a mystery…" he murmured as he peered into his microscope. "It's a good job I'm programmed to **like** mysteries…"

^^^^

Neelix felt only a little nervous as he got up and straightened his jacket, clearing his throat before he addressed the group assembled before him. The Captain looked alert as always but her first officer had his head propped sideways on one palm, his normally robust features drawn with fatigue. Mr Kim was slumped in his chair, his own exhaustion evident in his face, which seemed older today. Torres looked agitated, as always, her desperation to return to engineering evident. Paris looked a little bored and nervous- someone else was piloting Voyager at the moment and he obviously didn't like that. Seven looked…like a Borg and Mr Vulcan…looked, well, almost 'worn out'- if that were possible. This really wouldn't do, he thought to himself. As morale officer it was his duty to make this crew feel better about the situation they were in…But that could wait. The Captain had specifically requested his presence in her officer's briefing because of his expertise where the alien was concerned.

"As I told you captain, she is a Gginzaid. A mysterious and near mythical race… We Talaxians translate the name Gginzaid to mean 'guardians'. They are pacifists who come to the aid of others, offering them care and comfort when they need it. During the famines and wars that once plagued my people, Gginzaid were said to come from who-knows-where to tend the sick… I don't know where they come from- no one does- some say that they come from the gods… 

'There have been no sightings of a Ggin for a while now. The last was about five years ago when they visited a people known as the Bacambi. The Bacambi were facing assimilation at the hands of the Borg…Bacambi refugees told us stories of the Gginzaid forming a barrier with their ships between the Bacambi and the Borg, allowing themselves to be assimilated in place of the Bacambi…That's probably only a story of course, but it's not the most fantastic story I've heard. **Some** say that the Gginzaid are related to Species 8472….Others say that they served the gods but were thrown out of their kingdom…All stories I'm afraid…"

"Mr Neelix, is there anything else you can tell us?" Janeway shifted further forward in her chair so that her weight rested on her elbows, which were propped on the tabletop. "Anything more concrete."

"Not much I'm afraid. The stories spoke of their having remarkably strong telepathic abilities, speaking to people telepathically and having no need of translators…but I'm sure that's an exaggeration."

"I see." Obviously disappointed, the captain sat back in her chair and steepled her fingers before her. "What can you add?" swivelling in her chair she turned to face the computer monitor through which the holodoctor could be seen rubbing his chin as he eyed the datapad before him.

"Quite a lot actually, none of which is steeped in myths and stories, I might add." He stared meaningfully at Neelix before returning his attention to the captain. "In addition to my report, which I am sure you have by now familiarised yourselves with, I have made several other discoveries. 

'The Gginzaid are a long-living race, approximately 200 years is not uncommon. The vocal cords of all those Gginzaid I have studied, including the autopsies are somewhat 'immature' but show strain-related damage which would rather suggest to me that although capable of speech they typically do not communicate that way. The straining to the vocal cords is probably the result of screaming near the point of death- these people died in pain… 

'But I'm getting ahead of myself. The markings on their hands vary between individuals and the hands are long fingered and soft- not used to manual labour which is echoed by the fragility of their skeletons- they do not possess a great deal of physical strength. I believe that it may be possible that they use a form of sign language to communicate…

'However, my most important findings concur with Mr Neelix's folk tales: the Gginzaid communicate telepathically. The liquid the aliens were immersed in is a kind of dampening fluid created to inhibit telepathy. Immersing the Gginzaid in the liquid blocked their telepathic ability. In fact, their whole visual and auditory systems seem to be linked into the areas of the brain I believe to be the telepathy center. This would imply that the race **are** sentient although I do not see how they can have the brain capacity for a conscious **mind**. I won't truly know the answer to **that** little riddle until my patient awakes. I hope that this will occur once the last of the liquid remaining in her system is flushed out. 

'I anticipate several problems occurring when she does regain consciousness: Firstly, the language issue- our universal translators won't cope with telepathic communication. And secondly, she's been in a kind of timeless limbo for seven years and the last thing she is likely to have been aware of is the deaths of a thousand of her people. If her race's telepathy is as strong as I suspect then she may have experienced their passing strongly herself."

"Very well doctor. Mr Tuvok do you have anything left to report?" The captain turned in her chair to face her chief of security who straightened imperceptibly, sitting poker straight in his chair.

"Yes captain. As you are aware, the security and computer logs of the last few days onboard the Borg ship were distressing to many members of my security team. However we have examined the material in some detail. 

'The Borg collective captured the Gginzaid approximately three days before the ship lost power. They were kept in a holding cell awaiting assimilation for that time. One by one the Gginzaid prisoners were taken for assimilation, a process which to all intents and purposes failed. The data we have been able to collect shows a massive energy surge occurring each time a Gginzaid was connected to the collective matrix. That power surge deactivated the connections to at least 100 Borg members at a time and at the same time killed the partially assimilated Gginzaid prisoner. The collective attempted to compensate but the problem continued. It would appear that the Gginzaid were using their telepathy to 'shut down' the collective. 

'According to the records we have uncovered, one of the Gginzaid females was pregnant at the time of capture. The Borg hypothesised that her unborn foetus would be more responsive to the collective intelligence of the Borg and would pose less of a risk to the collective as a whole. At this point, the ship was faring badly. 

'As telepaths the Gginzaid must have known what the Borg were planning and that female and her mate used a weapon off some sort to kill the unborn child by piercing the female's belly. The male was taken away for another attempt at assimilation shortly afterward. The female was the last to go into the chemical tank and the loss of power caused by her fellow prisoners must have shut down the system before her assimilation was attempted. All of the Borg were deactivated by those power surges and effectively died leaving the previously pregnant female unconscious in the tank until her discovery several days ago. "

"And now she's possibly the last surviving member of her species and lying in our sickbay…" The captain sat back in her chair, a distant expression on her face. The other officers were equally silent, digesting the information revealed by Tuvok. Finally Chakotay looked up from the spot of table he'd been staring through for throughout the briefing.

"If that's the case, then are we doing the right thing by reviving her? Do we have any way of knowing if there are other members of her race still in existence?"

"I don't know…Mr Neelix?" The Talaxian puffed out his chest a little as all attention returned to him once more.

"I…well that is to say I don't really know. We don't even know where their ship is- whether it was destroyed or captured…But about seven years ago stories about Gginzaid sightings stopped…"

"A ship?" Torres and Paris' ears both pricked up at this

"Yes. The stories I've heard mention a large, **sentient** ship…"

"Sentient?" Several members of the group found themselves exclaiming in union and all exchanged incredulous looks.

"It would be foolish to forget that Mr Neelix's stories may only be that." Tuvok's flat voice brought most of the crewmembers back to life with a bump and the captain moved to signal that the meeting had come to a close.

^^^^

The screaming began the moment her strange violet-coloured eyes snapped open. The holodoctor would, later insist that it began even before that, but the piercing shriek could be heard throughout the whole ship, not just physically but also deep inside the minds and consciousness of the crew. That screaming spoke of tortures and misery incomprehensible to most of the others and a loneliness so far-reaching and complete that soon none of the crew could remember a time when they did not feel it.

The EMH busied himself with filling a hypospray with a powerful sedative and then emptying it into his patient's neck. Gradually the screams subsided as the alien slipped out of consciousness. There were medical tricorders and other instruments littered over the floor where she had flung them and grumbling to himself the doctor stooped to pick them up, thinking to himself as he did so that he **really** needed a new assistant…

"How's the patient?" Harry Kim looked bright and breezy this morning, the doctor considered for a moment. Neelix's breakfasts must be improving…

"She's stopped screaming." He replied matter-of-factly

"I know…" Harry rubbed the side of his head and grinned. The sound had been indescribable, he'd heard, seen and felt every fear and pain he'd ever experienced return to haunt his dreams the night the Ggin had woken up.

"Hm… As a program I'm not troubled by exposure to telepathic activity…" the doctor added, frowning as if it were Harry's fault that **he** could. "She's been sedated again. I don't expect her to wake up for another twelve hours."

"And when she does?"

"I don't know if she'll start screaming. Her nervous system is more highly advanced than the average humanoids so if believe she may feel pain more acutely." Harry was shaking his head, his eyes not leaving the unconscious form,

"No, she was lonely. And sad…" his expression looked as mournful as it could do, the doctor thought and he rolled his eyes, suddenly impatient around emotional conditions he could do nothing about.

"Well, there is no medication that will cure **that**." He turned to walk back to his office before pausing for one moment; "Does this mean that yourself and your colleagues will again take to cluttering up my sickbay?"

"I'm afraid so…"

"Well, try not to get in my way…. "

"Of course doctor." Kim suppressed a grin and seated himself at the patient's side, the datapad he clutched in sweating palms providing a much-needed prop. "Hi, I'm back again… I know you probably can't hear me… or maybe you can, but you probably can't understand me… or maybe you can… Oh I don't know… Look, I'm just gonna talk an' if I get on your nerves then maybe you can send me another telepathic message… You look a lot better than you did when we first found you…"

^^^^

"I'm not disturbing you, am I captain?" Janeway glanced up from the coffee cup she'd been staring into for the last fifteen minutes in time to see her first officer leaning on the doorframe to her ready room. 

"Of course not…" she smiled a welcome and beckoned him in, "Have a seat. I was just thinking about-"

"The Ggin" he finished for her. "She's all anyone can find to talk about."

"Mm…she certainly is quite fascinating… Actually, I'm surprised you're not with her now. Yourself, Tuvok and Harry Kim have been to all intents and purposes at her bedside since her arrival here…"

"Harry's with her." He inched forward on the couch to rest his elbows on his knees, his large form hunched over. "What's wrong Katherine?"

"Oh it's probably nothing… I was just reading over Tuvok's report… what she must have gone through… Are we doing the right thing? Would it not be more humane to let her die in peace?"

"You think she was at peace? In the tank?"

"I suppose not… but if her entire race have been wiped out and she's not 'young' by their standards or our own… she's in middle age-she probably had a good life before the Borg…"

"But we don't know that. And besides, what's middle age? I'm not far from it myself and I don't feel ready to die yet!"

"No, of course… I just worry that we've taken on too much. This feels a little too much like playing god…spending all our time wondering if we **could**-"

"That we don't bother stopping to ask if we **should**…!"

"Something like that…"

"Katherine, it's a done thing. Besides, she was **technically** alive and it's not in the doctor's program to do harm, he couldn't physically harm her himself… And I don't think any of the rest of us could either… It's strange but we've all felt… I don't know.. Drawn to her…"

"How long until she wakes up?"

"The doctor seems to think it'll be a few hours yet. We've no idea how she's going to react"

"Mm, I know… The doctor seems to think that injecting her with a lower dose of the substance she was found in might help reduce the distress caused to the rest of us…"

"But that might be unnecessarily cruel to **her**"

"Yes but the crew comes first and I don't see that we have much option…"

^^^^

Sickbay was deserted when the alien stirred a little in her bed, her lips parting just enough to allow a lungful of air to be slowly sucked in. She didn't open her eyes straight away and when she eventually did, they did little more than focus on the ceiling above. 

Now unrestrained by the life support apparatus that had up until now covered most of her torso, she sat up a little so that her weight was supported on her elbows and stared around the room. She paid little attention to her surroundings; her eyes growing huge in her sockets as fear crept in. Slowly, she rolled off the bed; landing crouched by its side and reached up slowly to an equipment tray left out by some untidy member of the crew. Scrabbling around blindly she soon found what she was looking for- something with a sharp edge and with her new trophy in hand moved carefully along the edge of the bed until she reached a wall, all the time feeling her way with her hands as if blind. Curled up in one corner of sickbay, she brought the blade up to her arm, letting it slice into the skin there.

The silence around her was deafening, eerie and total and the Ggin tried to calm her rising panic. She could barely see anything, just an outline of the room and it's furniture- that was strange. But not to worry, she had something with a sharp edge and that would more than keep her occupied. She buried herself in her task- that of slowly and carefully cutting slices across the white skin first of her arms, then her legs, tugging aside the material of the sheet wrapped around her aside. So engrossed in her task, here in the dark, she didn't notice a door open and a stocky young humanoid walk in.

Harry Kim stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of the empty biobed before him and automatically he whispered for the EMH programme to be restarted, glancing furtively around the room for the alien as he did so. As the doctor shimmered into view in his office, Harry spied the creature curled up on the floor by the far wall. She paid no attention to him; her mind focused on the scalpel in her hand.

"She shouldn't be awake yet." The EMH stated, his eyes wide as he stared at the creature who sat a few metres away on the other side of a containment field, studiously mutilating her own body with the scalpel.

"How come you weren't activated?"

"There's been a glitch in my programme- I **did** mention it yesterday but as usual I was forgotten…" the doctor replied sharply, his gaze shifting from his patiently to meet Kim's. Then he stepped into the forcefield, a hypospray filled with a sedative in hand and advanced toward the Ggin.

At first she did not even seem to notice him, her attention still fixed on her self imposed task. She didn't look up from the series of incisions she was making until the doctor was almost on top of her and as he emptied the contents of the spray into her neck she finally stared at him with a mixture of terror and confusion.

"There." He murmured, a little self-satisfied and proceeded to lift her onto the bed.

"Do you need any help doctor." Finally regaining his senses Ensign Kim dropped his datapad and moved to intercept.

"There's no need. She is amazingly light." The doctor replied, depositing his load carefully back on the bed. "Now, let's see what you've been doing to yourself…" he muttered, turning his attention to the cuts to her arms and legs. "Looks like some form of self-mutilation… Hardly surprising given the stress she must be under…" His interested frown deepening, the doctor reached blindly for a regenerator and set about healing the cuts. 

When, an hour later, he was finished, he informed the ensign that had waited patiently throughout that there was little point in his staying since the patient would be unconscious for at least a further eight hours. And groaning in frustration, Harry Kim stalked back out of sickbay, his book unnoticed in his fist. Paying no heed to the Ensign's disgruntled departure, the doctor turned to the monitor in his office.

"Sickbay to Captain Janeway."

"Janeway here. What is it doctor?"

"Captain, you asked to be kept informed of my patient's condition. Despite a few minor problems, she is now sleeping comfortably. I've reduced the effects of the psi-dampening fluid which will, I hope enable her to become accustomed to the ship- I believe that her self-harming behaviour was evidence of trauma at her lack of telepathic ability. When she next awakes she should be a little calmer."

"What if she starts screaming like she did the last time?"

"I'd rather she did that than continue to physically harm herself. If she does, the crew will just have to cope. Lt. Commander Tuvok may be of some use I suppose…" here the doctor trailed off as he considered this new option. Although under normal circumstances he did not approve of Vulcan mind-melds, this was not a 'normal' situation. Besides, he rationalised, there may be some other technique at the Vulcan's disposal, something less dangerous… Relaying this information to his superior officer and receiving her sharp nod of approval, he signed off and returned to his patient's bedside. It would be several hours before she regained consciousness and that was plenty of time for him to discuss the situation at length with Lt Tuvok. Checking the time, he noted to himself that it was the middle of the night and decided that whatever plans were to be laid would have to wait until morning. Sighing to himself at the inconvenience imposed by the human- and Vulcan need for sleep, he deactivated himself.

^^^^

The strange room was in near darkness when the colours and sounds started to return to her. Still cuffed to the bed, she couldn't move save to wriggle her fingers and toes. The voices grew a little louder around her and she noted to herself that there were a few hundred other beings around her. 

Now that the colours had returned she found that she was a little closer to feeling like herself and she craned her neck to stare around her. One of the beings was coming closer: the door to the room slid silently open to reveal an alien: tall with dark skin and pointed ears. The colours and thoughts that emanated from him were calm, precise, repressed. She watched as he inclined his head to her in greeting. The language he spoke was familiar to her although for now she couldn't place where from. Reaching into his mind she realised that he was a telepath- although not a strong one. He was trying to reassure her, to explain her presence on the ship, tell her about himself. She lay back and let his calculated serenity wash over her and lull her to sleep.

Another alien arrived later on: this one was shorter and stockier built than the last- of a different race. His colouring was slightly lighter than that of his companion and his mind, although calm contained obvious concern for her welfare. She liked this being far better. He was saying something to her…she wriggled her hands in the restraints as she stepped into his thoughts: he was worried that she'd harm herself if freed. Relaxing against the biobed she spoke directly into his mind, showing him an image of herself unrestrained but still passive, not struggling or attempting harm to herself or others. Obviously understanding he removed the restraints and allowed her to sit up. 

The two aliens obviously expected her to speak for they continued to do so themselves, asking her questions she either did not understand or did not see any point in answering. Her expression neutral she let the second man's voice soothe her and her own gaze drifted around the room. This place was better than the Borg ship, the thought of which made her shiver. The second man draped a blanket over her shoulders, obviously thinking her cold. In an effort to make him understand she showed him what she had been thinking of and felt sorry when his eyed widened in fear and pain. She felt his hand cover hers, it was warm and comforting and since she'd been so long without physical contact she made no objection. This man wanted her to understand him: he didn't study her analytically as the other did and as the minutes passed she let him see more and more of herself and her people.

These people had names; she realised after a while. Not like her people, but each had one name that everyone who knew them used in reference to them. This one was Chakotay…she rolled the unfamiliar sound around in her head. The other one was Tuvok. Chakotay was asking her what her name was and frowning she tipped her head to one side as she fought to understand his meaning. He was amused: he thought that action endearing. She repeated it and he smiled again. 

How to explain…She opened her mouth to speak: this man found communication her way disconcerting and she hated to see anyone in difficulty. Her voice sounded strange in her ears and she found herself trying to remember the last time she'd used it. Her vocal chords were sore with lack of use and it took a few moments for any sound to come out. The one called Chakotay handed her a container of water, which she drank greedily. Murmuring some comment he refilled it and she again drained the glass before attempting to speak.

"No name." She forced out and then decided that this was far too hard and continued her explanation her own way. 

Several hours were spent this way with the two of them conversing in a mixture of speech and telepathy- her slipping images and emotions into his mind as she sought his understanding. The other being seemed to fade away, adding nothing to the proceedings and merely recording every utterance. When she realised what he was doing, she implanted the same thoughts and images in his mind so that Chakotay no longer needed to translate. When she became sleepy, the one called Chakotay stayed with her, a comforting presence that still held her hand and followed her into her dreams of home.

^^^^

Commander Chakotay looked exhausted, the Captain noted to herself over the rim of her coffee cup. He'd spent the last three days with the Ggin female in sickbay, explaining what he could to her and letting her tell him about her own people. The alien had by now slipped into her own sleep patterns and since it turned out that she was almost nocturnal, it was taking the commander a while to adjust. The Maquis stifled a yawn as he began to relay what he had found to his commanding officer.

"It's strange communicating with her. Words seem too slow to her and speech isn't something she's used to- her voice is almost like that of a child. She has a way of placing images, words and even feelings in your mind. It's very…intimate…

'The Gginzaid consciousness is so closely linked that they have no need of names as means of identification…She told me that she once had over 1000 names- one from each other member of her race. It seems that when a Ggin dies, the names he has for the others die with him. The day her race faced assimilation she lost 1000 names…Now she doesn't have one. My guess is that names are deeply personal from one Ggin to another and are given for a particular reason, never repeated…

'The doctor was right about her telepathy being a major part of her perceptual system: she really does see people by their thoughts and emotions and also a kind of aura they give off. 

'What else…Um her nervous system is very highly tuned: Those restraints were incredibly painful to her and so was most of the medical treatment. 

'She recognised our race…that was strange. She told me that her people can travel for vast distances using their minds- they navigate through the thoughts of other members of their own race and sometimes by those of other races…

'The Gginzaid are almost drawn to people in need: they travelled to this sector to help the races under threat from the Borg. Their altruism is the main reason there were so few of them left.

'They're physically quite fragile, weak even and they are pacifists. They allowed themselves to be captured by the Borg for the reasons Seven pointed out and…she and her mate **did** kill their inborn child to stop the Borg from taking it. Seven was right about the baby being more receptive to assimilation. If the Borg had gotten away with that the effects could have been disastrous…"

"Does she know about Seven?" Janeway sat back in her chair, the mug lowered to the desk before her,

"I hadn't told her but she must have seen her in my mind- She's very frightened of her…She's scared of the EMH as well, he was right about that- she has some trouble perceiving him. The self-harming behaviour is still present but I don't think she wants to kill herself…

'I'm not sure what she thinks of Tuvok- I don't think she understands him although she's not nervous of him. She likes Harry, I think she finds him amusing.

'I'm going to spend some more time with her, if that's alright with you…I want to get her adjusted to this ship: because of the perceptual differences between herself and the rest of us she has some difficulty finding her way around." He smiled softly as he relayed a story to his captain about how his new charge had spent all night walking into the forcefield that had been erected around her bed for her own safety because she couldn't understand how it could be there and thus figured that it wasn't there. She'd ignored the holodoctor's explanation and simply became distressed to the point of near hysteria when her every attempt to take two paces forward resulted in her coming up against an invisible and inexplicable barrier. By the time the Commander had been commed, the patient was sobbing as she kept walking into the forcefield. He'd had to stay with her until she fell into an exhausted sleep. 

The alien also seemed to suffer from loneliness, stuck as she was in sickbay with only the holodoctor for company and craved living beings around her at all times. Chakotay ended up suggesting that the creature be moved to either his or Lt Tuvok's quarters to prevent the self mutilation that seemed to directly follow separation from living crew members.

"What are you calling her." Janeway sat forward in her chair, an indulgent smile creasing her face, Chakotay laughed and shrugged,

"She seems quite happy answering to Ggin…I don't want to give her a proper name yet…Naming is so important and so personal to her people that it wouldn't seem right yet. She told me that none of the names she once had will ever be spoken by her and nor will any of those of the other Gginzaid- not even that of her mate." Janeway nodded sadly,

"Well, things are pretty quiet here at the moment so take all the time you need and keep me informed…And get some rest, you look exhausted."

"I know…But to be honest, if you had the choice between sleeping and getting to know a member of this race…They really are fascinating."

^^^^

The mess hall was busy as usual when Kim and Paris picked up their trays and queued by the serving hatch.

"Hey Neelix…" Harry waved at the Talaxian who was wrestling with something that looked worryingly like leola root. "What is it today…" he murmured to Tom, "Hm.. Green and orange with flecks of blue…interesting" he grimaced at his plate and then smiled up at the chef, "Looks great Neelix…" 

Paris scowled, "The colour blue doesn't occur naturally in nature- you know that….What's he trying to poison us with this time…?"

"Tom, what **is** up with you today? Give the poor guy a break. If he hears you he'll be really hurt…" Realising that he'd gone a little far this time, Paris fought to change the topic of conversation.

"How are things with our new guest? Has she been introduced to Neelix's culinary skills yet?" 

"Nah, I don't think she'd eating yet…" They'd reached a table and Harry was busy picking the really, really dodgy looking bits out of his dinner and tucking them into a napkin partially hidden from view by his plate. Tom found himself grinning as he watched his friend,

"He'll be really upset if he catches you…"

"Just shut up and keep watch will you! I'll do the same for you when I'm done."

The door opened and a tired looking Chakotay wandered in. Harry glanced up and waved him over. 

"Evening Commander, how's the babysitting going? You look exhausted…" The ensign moved his tray over to the place beside him so that his CO could slide into his old seat.

"It's okay.. Although I have to admit, I am pretty worn out. Tuvok is with her at the moment…I was going to bring her in here with me but I figured she could be spared Neelix's cooking for a little while longer. The Captain allocated some replicator rations so I could find something less…*blue* for her to eat… At the moment she's being drip fed which she finds very disturbing. She keeps fiddling with the tube- I'm not sure how well she can see it although she can certainly feel it. She told me she can feel the liquid entering her arm and travelling through her body- I think it's probably quite painful to her."

"Oh yeah…the Captain mentioned something about her senses being more sensitive than our own…" Harry peered nervously around him for Neelix

"It's okay Har' he's got his back to you. You can throw that away without being caught." Paris smirked.

"Is it that bad?" Chakotay eyed Harry's half eaten dinner and Paris' own untouched one,

"Worse! Any chance of you giving up those extra replicator rations in the name of a ship morale?"

"Nope. Tom, have you met her yet?" The pilot shook his head 

"Well in that case, maybe you might like to meet her. I'm trying to get her used to as many people as possible- I think she's fed up with Tuvok."

"Oh?" Harry took a mouthful of something orange and instantly regretted it. Groaning suddenly he scrabbled around for a clean serviette which he spat the mouthful into. Noticing the looks he received from his two companions, he apologised shamefacedly and let his CO continue.

"She's not said anything but I think she finds him…Odd."

"Well everyone else has been saying **that** for **years**!" Paris cracked as he pushed his uneaten meal away from him and sat back in his chair. "I'm due on the bridge but the first moment this week's dutyshift rosta lets up and gives me a moment to think I'll try and stop by. Harry can't stop going on about her so I guess I have to meet the woman that has started to rival Seven of Nine in the topics Harry Kim most likes to talk about…!"

^^^^

Mr Tuvok sat poker straight as he eyed his charge, something akin to curiosity forcing one eyebrow to arch dramatically. The Ggin female was finding her way around the quarters she'd been assigned to which were close enough to his own for him to be close at hand if she needed him. Since the alien found navigating around inanimate objects difficult: without sensing them she could only make out something like a vague outline with her visual and auditory functions. 

Commander Chakotay had spent a great deal of time walking her around the room to help her get used to it's layout. She had screwed her eyes up tight in concentration as she memorised how many steps to this or that obstacle as the Commander had patiently led her around the area by the hand. Now she stood in front of what Tuvok knew to be the replicator: something she might never fathom out, her hands outstretched to catch onto anything that got in her way.

Did Commander Chakotay's earlier tour prove useful to you? Although not a powerful telepath, he had easily adjusted to conversing with her in that way, more so perhaps than Chakotay who still found the experience somewhat overwhelming. He felt her agreement and allowed himself a brief moment of self-congratulation.

No emotions? her question was gently offered and he found himself once again trying to explain his culture to an outsider. Controlled. she added, Not removed. Emotions are powerful and border on overwhelming to my people also. We evolved to contain them and our evolution was so complete and long ago that we no longer recall how we managed before. There is no **Gginzaid** Pon Far. she added as she caught the image in his mind.

"Is that how your people attained their technological advancement? Was it attained before your telepathic ability moved to dominate your perceptual processing systems? I assume this is the case since there is no logical way that any race could have attained space travel without use of inanimate and mechanical objects." He switched to his speaking voice so that the computer could record his question, as was now the norm for such conversations with the Being. In response she mostly replied telepathically and let her interviewer translate for her. Sometimes she attempted speech herself but she had so few of the words necessary to make herself understood by these creatures. She preferred to let them understand her thought patterns as individuals- form a true and personal link as she slowly learnt the language of the spoken word. 

Tuvok found himself understanding that the Gginzaid evolution from a wholly physical race such as the humans to one that could live their whole lives inside their own and one another's minds had taken place so long ago that there were few genetic hangovers remaining. If, he hypothesised, the Gginzaid were forced by circumstances to return to a wholly physical way of life where ships and homes were mineral and not living, they would be wiped out in no time at all. A race almost completely recreated by their chosen environment and way of life. Left to her own devices, this alien would die, and the Gginzaid would be absolutely extinct and not just technically so.

The life form was staring at him, her expression passive: sometimes her composure was almost vulcan-like. He knew though, that such control **did** stretch further than the surface. She really did have no need of meditation or other techniques to calm her stress and rages- she simply considered them for what they were and felt no fear of them. Unlike the Vulcans, the Gginzaid had never been at the mercy of their urges- in the words of Freud they had never comprised only the Id but held a super-ego within their consciousness from birth in the shape of their society. There was no great struggle for their every thought, fear, and emotion was shared throughout their people from birth.

She smiled slowly, lightly as she considered his further musings and he found himself almost envying her inner peace. Then he stopped himself: Vulcans after all do not feel envy.

The intravenous feeding drip was still attached to her thin wrist and unconsciously she fiddled with it. He felt her irritation and discomfort: Chakotay had promised to start her on solid food today, as soon as the doctor had completed his tests to determine any possible allergies and now the female slipped an impatient reminder into Tuvok's mind. Feeling the sudden and distinctly alien sensation of chemicals burning through blood vessels and into organs, the Vulcan tapped on his comm badge. Only when Chakotay announced that he was on his way, did the sensation end, allowing him to relax. He glanced over at his charge with what could be interpreted as disdain, one eyebrow arching almost as far as his hairline,

"I fail to see how **that** was necessary." She said nothing but allowed herself a tiny smile

^^^^

__

Captain's Log Stardate****

The Ggin female's progress has been extraordinary: she has gone from little more than a 'vegetable' to an increasingly curious and intelligent being. The doctor and others are still compiling all the information on her that they have been able to gather and it is our belief that the Gginzaid were so long reliant on the biotechnology they created millennia ago that she would be unable to survive without guidance. Gginzaid evolution seems to operate far more quickly than that of any other known species and the female is adjusting incredibly swiftly..

No real name has been given to the alien since it is Commander Chakotay's understanding that names are not given among the Gginzaid as we know them; instead each individual has their own personal name for each other member of their race. We are thus given the impression that each one of us will find a name for her. In the meantime, being aware of the nature of names in **our** culture, she seems quite happy to be simply referred to as the Ggin. Lt Tuvok and Commander Chakotay are still her primary carers and seem to be co-operating well.

^^^^

"Now what?" Chakotay looked like he was about to lose his well-known good temper. Tuvok's own expression suggested that he was not far from the same problem. Three hours ago the holo doctor had finished analysing the Ggin's test results and having worked out what the alien could and could not eat had removed the feeding tubes from her arm and sent her on her way. Now the two men stood over her as she sat at a table, trying to tempt her with whatever food they could think of: she didn't like anything too hot or too cold- such things caused her pain and discomfort because of her heightened senses. For the same reason she couldn't go near anything with strong flavours. Anything originating from an animal was also a no-go area: the very smell of meat made her scream in terror. Things were not going well.

"She should be encouraged to eat meals prepared by Mr. Neelix since that is what she will most likely have to eat- replicator rations are not given out in great enough quantity for her to survive on them alone." Tuvok pressed.

"Yes, I know that **thank you** Tuvok," the first officer hissed at his subordinate, "But if she can't eat something as innocuous as porridge how the hell is she going to cope with Neelix's concoctions? His pepper sauce will have her screaming in pain… Not even most crewmembers can stomach some of his more 'exotic' dishes! We have to get her eating **something** then we can encourage her to eat what the rest of us do…" Chakotay sighed as he retook his place beside the alien. "Ggin…you know you have to eat something…Can you give us any idea of what you're used to eating…how it tasted, what it looked like?" One hand curled loosely in her lap whilst the other rubbed unconsciously where the drip needle had once been, she peered up at him through heavily lidded violet eyes. Frowning she tried to picture what her diet had once comprised. "Nothing I recognise…" he murmured, as the images flooded into his brain "All organically based…no animal products…Okay well it's a start."

Tuvok returned to the replicator, his expression hidden from the commander by his turned back. The Ggin however instantly recognised mild frustration and made an effort not to giggle, focussing her attentions instead on the tiny mark left by the drip needle.

"Lentil soup: human vegan style, tepid." Tuvok commanded and a filled bowl materialised before him. He brought it to the table and presented it before their guest who picked up the metal instrument her new friends called a 'spoon' in the way she'd been shown. The expectation and thinly disguised hope felt by her carers was almost tangible and the alien decided to force herself to eat the broth just to keep from further worrying her hosts.

She needn't have worried: in taste, texture, consistency and nutritional content the stuff was not dissimilar to the liquid-nutrients fed to the Gginzaid by their organic and partially-sentient ships. Finishing the bowl she motioned to her amazed hosts that she wanted more and smiled to herself at their audible relief.

My people. The Ggin stared up at her carers with cool eyes from the couch she was curled up on. A large beaker of water was clasped in her two hands and she took large sips from it at regular intervals.

"You were the only living Gginzaid aboard the Borg vessel." Chakotay answered softly. There was no easy way of telling her. She seemed to know that answer already for she simply nodded thoughtfully and asked to be taken back to see them. Tuvok and Chakotay exchanged glances, "They're still on the Borg ship. I don't know that your seeing them again is such a good idea…" The Ggin took another gulp of her drink.

Must see them. 

"I guess we could go back- but only for a short while. We can't risk drawing attention to ourselves."

Mourning. she said after more thought

"I know…" Chakotay rested one hand over her arm

Yes? How? violet eyes lifted to meet his in hope and confusion. He sighed; it was a stupid thing to say. How could he possibly 'know'? The Ggin rose carefully to her feet, her drink clutched to her with one hand, the other dropping to smooth over her belly in an unconscious gesture. She moved over to the window and stood for a moment, staring out at the stars outside. Alone now. She turned back with haunted eyes and then returned her gaze to the porthole.

^^^^

Later, as the first officer slipped into a doze, slumped as he was on the couch in the Ggin's quarters, the alien softly approached him, kneeling to place one delicate hand on his forehead. Tuvok had left for his dutyshift earlier in the evening and Ensign Kim wasn't due for another hour or so. Her glass of water still clutched to her like a doll, the woman pressed her own forehead gently to his, closing her eyes briefly and allowing her mind to slip into his.

^^^^

__

It was dark there: the only light came from the wristlights worn by the investigating crewmembers. The stations that usually housed individual Borg were either deserted or filled by sightless and lifeless corpses.

The endless, corpse-lined corridors eventually opened out into a chamber filled with tanks. In the gloom of the torchlight, the shapes of decomposing bodies could just be made out. Stepping out of Chakotay's consciousness and into the scenery of the memory itself, the Ggin wandered down the aisles formed by the rows of tanks. Each row was so narrow that her fingertips brushed the tank walls as she moved through them, her arms stretched out to the sides. 

Hysteria rose in her like bile as she finally found what she was looking for. His eyes wide and blind in death, his features distorted by swelling induced by immersion in liquid, Paeni looked as hideous as the dead Borg she had passed to reach him. 

It was all true: everything they had told her. It was no dream. There were none left, only her. Falling to the ground, the Ggin tipped her head back and screamed.

^^^^

__

Captain's Log Stardate****

Commander Chakotay and Lt Tuvok have been making significant progress with the Gginzaid female rescued from the Borg ship. Although still quiet and unsure around others, those two officers have managed to earn her trust. They report that her language skills are increasing at an astounding rate and because of her telepathic ability, she has also picked up the Vulcan language from Lt. Tuvok's thought patterns and often communicates with him using it. Her relationship with Commander Chakotay is yet closer with him taking on the role of a kind of parent to her: She looks to him for guidance on behaviour and rarely lets him out of her sight. 

^^^^

Are you going to be okay if I leave you? It was a stupid question, Chakotay knew that, but the red alert klaxon and the slightly worried voice of his Captain over the commlink served to remind him that the ship came first. I'll be back as soon as I can…Stay here… With one last troubled glance in the alien's direction, the commander left her to her sad musings and hurried toward the bridge. 

As if awakening from some trance the Ggin looked around her, suddenly realising that she was alone at last. Numbly she moved toward the large soft seating her hosts referred to as a 'couch' and slipped nimble fingers between two of the cushions to retrieve the tiny scalpel she'd swiped from sickbay earlier. Then she wandered into the bathroom, calling out to the computer with memorised words to shut and lock the door behind her.

The milky-white of her pale arms, stained crimson by the thin blood that slipped down their length with increasing speed, was fascinating to the Ggin and wide-eyed, she held one arm up for inspection. The twin gashes across the inside of each elbow were not enough to allow her to bleed to death without discovery, thin as Gginzaid blood was. These were more for her own satisfaction. The wounds that would kill her were the reopened scar on her belly and the gashes on the back of each knee. Curled up in a bathtub filled with cold water she waited. 

She knew that the coldness of the water would slow the progression of her blood from her body but had suddenly felt the need for the kind of restful comfort only such coolness could bring to one of her race. Many centuries ago, before they had left to be of service to another race, the Gginzaid had lived on a cold, damp and mostly twilight world, moving with equal ease both in and out of the freezing pools of water that littered the planet's surface.

The room was, to any other race, silent but for the gentle hum of the ship's engines. For the Ggin however, there was the constant buzz of others' thoughts, not just on Voyager but on planets they passed hundreds of light years away. None of those thoughts were Gginzaid though and inspite of the deafening presence of so many others, her loneliness was unbearable. The hum of the ship was strangely reassuring however, oddly reminiscent of the contented murmuring of the Gginzaid ships. Letting tired eyelids fall shut, she thought back to those ships: the soft, muted colours, the gentle undulation of the walls as the ship breathed, the warm and loving concern each ship felt for it's crew…

"Elise?" He'd not spoken her name outloud before. This was probably the first time he'd acknowledged; to himself anyway that this was the name he had given her. 

Somewhere in the distance someone was knocking on the door to the bathroom and moments later the knocking turned to a relentless pounding. His fear and frustration were crawling in under the door and through it's frames and the Ggin felt her heart pounding in time with the noise at the door: not long now…

She reopened her eyes and peered up through the water to see a frightened face peering back, no not like this… Concentrating hard she shut the gills that were weakly filtering the oxygen for the water she inhaled. She'd not wanted to have to go like this, like the rest of her tribe had, the self-induced and altruistic drowning her people used to prevent others from using them to their own ends. She'd wanted her passing to be a gentle one and it had been, save for the pain caused by the blood exiting her body. But there wasn't time for that, she had to be beyond saving by the time this man, her carer, lifted her limp body from the water and took her to that medical facility. There was enough unfiltered liquid in her system now, just a few more seconds…

"Two to beam directly to sickbay…" With the Ggin lying unmoving in his arms Chakotay materialised before the doctor. One brow arched, the doctor motioned for Chakotay to place the lifeless form on one of the biobeds.

"Thank you Commander. I'll look after her now." He said abruptly dismissing the human and set to work pumping the water from the Ggin's lungs. A transfusion would be impossible for now since his patient would be allergic to the synthetic blood used in medical emergencies. He settled for stopping the bleeding and hoped that his new and fast growing knowledge of this race were correct: The Gginzaid's evolutionary ability would mean that given a relatively short time her body would manufacture more blood at an astounding rate. Or simply learn to function with what little it had left.

^^^^

The cold walls of sickbay looming above her almost sightless eyes, the Ggin watched her peaceful end being slowly torn away from her grip. There would be other times though…

^^^^

"How's she doing?" Janeway's voice dropped to a whisper as she approached the ship's doctor. A short distance away, Commander Chakotay sat at the Ggin's bedside browsing through a crew report on the datapad in his hand as he waited for his charge to regain consciousness.

"As well as can be expected." The doctor replied, turning to face her. "In addition to the self-inflicted wounds to her abdomen and limbs she is also recovering from a kind of second degree drowning."

"So it **was** attempted suicide then? I had hoped there might be some other explanation."

"Almost certainly. The Commander noticed that she seemed a little melancholy prior to this attempt- not enough to worry him too much but as a strong and experienced telepath she may have been capable of blocking his access to her mind to some extent. Needless to say we'll be keeping a closer eye on her from now on."

"Keep me informed." She threw over her shoulder at the doctor who returned his attention to the computer monitor in front of him. Approaching her first officer the Captain kept her voice low so as not to startle him. "Chakotay, have you been here since it happened?"

"More or less…I found her and brought her here." The man still started a little before stretching tired muscles and shifting in his seat. "She sliced into several major arteries…it must have been agony for her- she'd have felt every drop of blood leaving her body…" he mused, his dismay evident in his every movement. "She was in the bath- her people were originally semi aquatic and she finds cold water as soothing as humans find warm liquid… She's always lazing in her bath or drinking water- constantly thirsty… Trying to drown was a last resort when she realised I'd found her..."

"You're not responsible Chakotay…From what yourself and the doctor have been able to discern she's most likely at least 150 years old and more than able to make her own life choices… You said yourself she may be better off dead."

"That's just it." Until that point the man had had his back to his CO but now he turned to face her and she was surprised by his pale and drawn countenance, the dark circles under his eye, the frown lines deepening over his forehead. "Maybe I was wrong to stop her."

"Did it **feel** wrong?" Pulling a chair across the room she sank smoothly into it and rested her elbows on her knees so that she could look up into his eyes.

"No." His gaze raised from the datapad in his lap to meet hers and then drifted to the still form in the biobed. "She doesn't **want** to die…She just doesn't know how she can possibly survive…live without her tribe…"

"She **has** been through a lot… losing her tribe, her mate, her **child**… She must miss them terribly…"

"It's strange for her: Gginzaid females never outlive their children- usually they die in childbirth. She's at the end of her lifecycle but has no way of knowing what'll happen next. Gginzaid physiology evolves so quickly that they are immune to most illness and injury- they can regenerate internal organs or adapt to cope without them so quickly… There's no way of knowing if she **can** die without taking her own life… 'Her life is so uncertain now. We've taken care of her physical needs but have ignored or 'glossed over' her emotional ones… If she is going to live here with us and I can think of nowhere else for her, we have to help her to find a purpose and a life here." The Commander slumped further into his chair and realising that there wasn't much else that she could say, Janeway rose to her feet and placed a comforting hand on her first officer's shoulder,

"If anyone can help her, Chakotay, I'm certain that it's you. Try to get some rest though. That's an order." Noticing a brief smile snake across the man's face, she turned and left him to his musings. For his own part, Chakotay discarded the datapad in his hand onto the floor beside him and took one of her tiny, delicate hands in his own.

Elise… I guess that's your name now… I know that you can hear me. I know that this is terrible for you. You've lost your entire tribe, your family… But please try… You've had a vast effect on so many of us here already…

Afraid…

I know. I'll help you though. I promise. 

^^^^ 

**__**

Chapter Two: Shelter

'I'm really in it now…' Nine year old Thomas knelt on his bed at the window. The rain was falling in heavy sheets outside, blurring his view of the garden below and the countryside beyond until it looked like a Monet painting like those he'd seen in last month's school trip to the museum.

His report card sat waiting on the table by the door for his father's attention and when the Admiral saw it he would **not** be pleased. When Thomas had read it on his way home from class; tripping through the woods and flicking his too long fringe out of his eyes, he'd noted to himself that since it was sunny he could stay out 'til late, playing in his tree house, safe from harm until the Admiral had calmed down a little.

Of course, no sooner had he decided on his plan of action, than the sky became suddenly overcast. So, he'd reasoned that if he ran home and dumped his bag and the dreaded report card off, he could change out of his school clothes and be hidden away in the oak tree before the rain really started. Then he'd be safe until it stopped. But, when he got home, the rabbit needed cleaning out and feeding since he'd forgotten to do it this morning. And by the time that was done with, the rain was coming down so hard he'd be soaked to the skin before he was half way to the woods.

So now, he stared wistfully out at the world on the other side of the double-glazing and wished there were something he could do to avoid the inevitable. Of course, there wasn't and Thomas was pretty much resigned to the punishment he was likely to receive. He found himself remembering the worried expression that had adorned his friend Michael's face when he'd seen **his** report. Mikey had paled and whined that he would get a lecture and a grounding from **his** parents. Big deal. Thomas was going to get worse than being sent to his room!

There was a fly crawling along the windowpane and for a while Thomas watched it's methodical progress over the glass as it vainly sought a way out 'No way out…' He murmured both to himself and his new found cellmate, 'Not for either of us.'

In the distance, probably downstairs, his sisters were tramping around, dropping off school bags and raiding the replicators for chocolate cookies and milk. No doubt **their** report cards were glowing: he could picture them crowding around his and sniggering as they agreed to stay out of the Admiral's way that night. Not for the first time since last summer, Thomas wished his mother were there.

Lying flat out on his bed, his pillow hot with tears under his cheek, Thomas could hear his father's still cross footsteps as he tramped down the hallway from the little boy's room to his study for another drink. The Admiral's harsh words were still ringing in his ears and Tom wondered how many times he'd that particular speech: what the nine year old bitterly referred to as the 'no son of mine' routine. It didn't really matter how many times that little gem had been used against him, it hurt just as much as the first time those words had been thrown across the room along with several of Tom's model star ships and baseball glove. 

"Good!" Tom had hollered back, his fists clenched and his face red with angry tears, 

"I hate you! I wish mom was here and you were dead!" That had shut him up for a while, Tom thought triumphantly. Then this lonely hopelessness had hit him from nowhere and had reduced him to a pathetic whimpering brat: certainly no child of Admiral Paris.

It was dark when a dull, crying induced headache woke Tom, still lying on his belly, feet together and arms by his side. It was a funny way to sleep: mom had always laughed at him when she came in to tuck him in before going out. Now he felt gentle, loving hands brush the unruly fringe from where sweat stuck it to his forehead. He could feel the depression in the mattress where She sat beside him and he didn't have to open his eyes to know whom it was. To know that he was safe now, cared about.

"I knew you'd come back…" he murmured sleepily and deep in his mind he felt Her whisper to him to rest now.

^^^^

"So," Lt Paris, off-duty and quite at home bent over the pool table in Sandrines, paused midway through taking his shot to smirk good-naturedly at his friend before sinking the last ball. "How many is that you owe me Harry?" He straightened and leant on his cue and waggled his eyebrows. Kim sighed and reached for his drink, muttering under his breath about fighting a losing game, then downing the last dregs of his synthale, he added outloud,

"I'm gonna call it a night. I want to call in and check on Miu."

"Who?"

"The Ggin. She doesn't have a name but I call her Miu- she's kind of catlike and 'Miu' sounds a little like the sound a cat makes."

"Oh… You're kind of protective of her aren't you?"

"Yeah…she's been through a lot. I guess we all are- me, Tuvok and the commander."

"Do **they** have names for her too?"

"I suppose so but I guess they only use them telepathically like I do. Aloud she's just simply Ggin. You've not met her yet have you?"

"Nup." Paris took a large sip from his own glass and set it back down on the edge of the pool table. "I've always been at the con so it's never really occurred to me. There seem to have been so many problems both with her and Voyager that there just hasn't been time. I **am** curious about her though…"

"So why don't you come along? Chakotay's on duty so Tuvok'll most likely be with her…"

"I don't know, it's kinda late…" 

"Tom, she's nocturnal!"

^^^^

The ship was quiet this time of the day. Bored with pacing the length and width of her quarters under Tuvok's watchful eye, the Ggin came to rest at the large porthole that had recently become a source of interest to her. There were planets outside of it. Whole worlds of beings, their thoughts and dreams singing to her as Voyager passed by, oblivious.

Somewhere on the ship K'Tya was working, seated in a large, easy chair, staring at a computer screen while planets and stars flew past unnoticed. It was curious how the people onboard Voyager could do that…

****

This man, she glanced over her shoulder at the Vulcan who perched, straight-backed at a desk in the corner of the room, could do that with the people that he worked with- ignore their faces and words and expressions. Deemig- that was her name for him, lived his whole life as if 'on duty', a concept that was strange to her.

"Perhaps you should eat something." Deemig stared impassively at her, his mind composed, hiding his irritation from himself but not from her. "If nothing else it might occupy your time." She sighed and shrugged, tiptoeing over to the now-familiar replicator and pausing in front of it to turn to her companion,

"Do **you** want anything?"

"No." She shrugged and returned her attention to the strange machine. It was not, she supposed, too unlike the feeders on her own ship through which it would provide nourishment to the Ggin crew whenever they required it. The differences were, however, too disturbing to be ignored. First, the ship was not feeding the crew itself, rather the crew used machines to help themselves having not created a biotechnology that cared for and about it's creators. And secondly, there were choices to be made- foods with different contents and flavours. And choices had to be learnt… She still shuddered when she thought of some of the things she'd been forced to try- that incredibly bitter thing the Talaxian man had presented her with, what had K'Tya called it? Leola root? Well, whatever it was it had given her the worst pains she had experienced since…well before she awoke on this strange and dead ship. Staring blindly at the strange contraption she hoped that Hulla would arrive soon, he had promised he would, and now that her mind was focused on her young friend, she could feel him making his way toward this room, hear his footsteps as he heard them echoing in her brain…

With a swish of the door Harry Kim half fell into the room as Tom Paris finished his joke with flourish. Tuvok's head snapped up and the Ggin's attention was drawn to his heavily veiled irritation. Noting how well it was quickly suppressed, she smiled and turned to face her new visitors just as Tom Paris' eyes widened in disbelief.

"Tom," Harry had his friend by the arm, not noticing that most of the colour had drained from his friend's face and half dragged him to where the Ggin stood. "I'd like you to meet Ggin."

^^^^

'Oh gods, not again…' Thomas could hear them, not far behind him, their feet crashing through the undergrowth and their taunting laughter. 

"We're gonna get you Paris". Tom knew these woods well: he'd been chased through them often enough and he knew that once they caught up with him they'd be able to give him a good thrashing without fear of discovery. It was no longer a case of whether they'd catch up with him, only when. 

Somewhere in his exhausted consciousness he registered a presence: he couldn't see her exactly, he just knew she was there and blindly he ran toward her. 

The tree stretched its branches up above him. He knew she wanted him to climb it but to do so would be near suicide: the tree's trunk was devoid of branches until about seven feet above. He glanced back in the direction of his pursuers: four older boys from school who had been waiting for him outside the gates- waiting to get Admiral Paris' son and take him down a peg or two. Throwing his bag in their direction, he'd managed to slow them enough to get away and had taken off as fast as his legs would carry him.

The voice deep in his mind was telling him to climb: she'd help him. And realising it was that or a good beating, Tom did as he was told, jumping up to grab at the lowest branch and wrapping his legs around the tree's trunk paying no heed to scratches and grazes. The presence pointed out each new foot and handhold and after what seemed like forever, Tom was nestled in the leaf covered middle branches of the tree. The very second he was settled, his adversaries arrived in the clearing below. Holding his breath, Tom waited for them to look up and discover his hiding place. They didn't and giving up they went off in search of new fun.

The hand that came to rest reassuringly on his shoulder was cool and delicate with long, fragile, feminine fingers. He wasn't startled by her appearance and turned to face her, smiling trustingly up into saucer-like yellow-flecked violet eyes. 

"Are you an angel?" he asked, the innocence in his eyes mirrored in hers. Saying nothing, she smiled back and slipped an arm around his shoulders to hold him close, steadying him against her and protecting him from the world below.

There was a voice calling his name and Paris returned to Voyager with a start, finding himself staring into familiar eyes.

^^^^

Tolli. It had been so long since he'd last heard that name spoken and for a moment he wasn't sure if he'd heard it aloud or in his mind. Her lips weren't moving and the way the voice breathed into his consciousness, bringing old memories and emotions with it to wrap around his thoughts, he realised that she was speaking to him in the only way she ever had- to his mind.

"Th-this isn't right…you can't be here…you can't be **her**!" Turning awkwardly on his heel, he ran from the room, her confusion and sorrow following him with every step he took. 

After running for what seemed like forever but was in reality merely the short distance to his own quarters, Paris finally came to a halt, his breath coming thick and fast, fighting back the bile that was working it's way into his mouth. The bile won out and he stumbled into the bathroom, falling to his knees over the toilet bowl. This was bad…really bad…

^^^^

"What was **that** all about!" Kim stared, dumbfounded after his friend before turning first to Ggin, then to Tuvok for explanation. The Vulcan had risen form his seat to stand beside his charge and he merely stated his catchword of 'curious' to no one in particular. Ggin tipped her head sideways and then returned to right side up, drifting back over to her station at the porthole. Realising that he wasn't going to get much sense out of either of them, Harry muttered that he should go after his friend and promptly trotted out of the room and through Voyager's corridors, Ggin's mind following him all the way.

__

^^^^

"Well, if that's all the ship's official business concluded," Captain Janeway switched off the monitor on her desk with one decisive finger and returned her attention to her first officer, who sat opposite her, one leg crossed over the other at the ankle. "How is the Ggin?" Chakotay sighed and leaned forward to push the datapad in his hand onto the desk that lay between them.

"She's been fine. I know it's only a few days since her attempt on her own life but… I think I really managed to get through to her. She doesn't understand the concept of lying so there's no way she would mislead any of us about her mental or emotional state- she'd almost like an open book in some respects. There's a long road ahead of us but I think between us we should be able to make her feel like a useful member of the team."

"Hm…" The captain swung her chair free of the desk and ambled toward the replicator. "That may be a slight problem. Coffee?" at the shake of his head she proceeded to order herself one and returned to her seat, mug in hand. "She has no knowledge of nor interest in science, no piloting skills, she can barely use the technology we take for granted on this ship… Fitting in as a 'passenger' would be difficult enough and although I accept that since it was we who as good as brought her back to life and thus we owe it to her to care for her, we scarcely have the resources to feed ourselves let alone someone incapable of doing anything in return."

"Captain, I'm not sure I'd call her 'incapable'. She's an extremely powerful telepath after all. Far stronger than Kes was shortly before she left. From what she's told me, her people have travelled much further than the alpha quadrant. I know that she cannot help us navigate yet- she can barely see a map, let alone read one, but she told me that the Gginzaid navigate by focussing on the thoughts of those around them- seeing through others' eyes and learning what they know. Neelix doesn't know the areas of space we're now approaching but She might."

"Chakotay," the captain leant forward on her elbows as an idea occurred to her, "Do you think she would be able to function as some sort of ship's counsellor? Her telepathy would, at the very least, be useful to us in first contact situations…"

"I don't know. She'd need some training: at the moment she sees no reason not to be wholly honest about her feelings and those of others, she'd have to learn the 'fine art of diplomacy'. However, I know that she **does** want to pay her way."

^^^^

"Tom? Tom, open up. Come on buddy, it's me!" Ensign Kim gave up ringing the door-chime and instead resorted to the old fashioned method of rapping on the heavy door with his knuckles. On the other side of the door, Tom Paris slowly uncurled his body from its resting-place around the toilet bowl and grabbed a towel to wipe his face with. Harry wasn't going to go away until he'd seen his friend for himself, even if it meant waiting out in the corridor all night. And resigned to this fact, the pilot ordered the computer to admit the younger man.

"Hey Harry…" Tom put on the cheeriest tone he could muster as he took a sip from the glass of mouthwash in his hand. "Hold on, I'll be with you in a minute…" Turning, he moved back into the bathroom to gargle and spit a couple of times. Deciding to cut through the niceties, Kim cut straight to the chase:

"Tom, what the hell happened back there?"

"What happened?" Paris emerged from the bathroom, his face a picture of innocence.

"Yeah Tom, 'what happened'? You freaked out- big time."

"Nah…"

"Tom, this whole room stinks of sick…. What's wrong?"

"It's nothing Harry. Look, I just came over a little nauseous, which probably has something to do with Neelix's food… Carey warned me not to touch that green lumpy stuff and I didn't listen."

"Tom-"

"Harry, I just told you. I felt sick. I came back here, I threw up and now I'm all better. End of story, okay."

"Then… Why don't you come back with me…? You probably gave Miu quite a shock…"

"I don't think so… Look, Harry, I just emptied my entire stomach and I'm not feeling too sociable. I'm just gonna hit the sack. I'll see you on the bridge tomorrow." The conversation was over and Harry knew it. Sighing, he turned to leave, adding as a passing shot,

"Okay, but I've got my eye on you. I'm not convinced there's not more to it. When you feel ready to talk about it, you know where I am."

"Yeah, I know… Thanks Harry."

^^^^

Hulla was on his way back. Pausing over the glass of water held delicately in two tiny hands, Ggin let the sounds of his approaching thoughts wash over her. He was alone this time: She could feel Tolli far away in his own quarters, staring at the same stars that now faced her. 

Deemig still watched her every movement with a dispassionate interest and from time to time she made a sudden and unexpected movement, just to keep his interest up and to relieve her boredom. She liked this man, liked having a little fun at his expense. 

K'Tya could see it and yet he generally said nothing, grinning occasionally when he saw what she was up to but thought himself unobserved. But he wasn't here now. He was in a large, comfortable room elsewhere on the ship, talking intently to a tiny and delicate woman who sipped from a cup of strong tasting liquid. They were discussing **her**. That was amusing… Reassuring as well. It felt good to be cared about once more and K'Tya seemed to understand her so well.

Hulla was here. The door to this room opened and he ventured in.

"Hey… I'm back again. I'm sorry about Tom… he's not usually like that… I think he's just not feeling too good…" The young man's voice drifted off as he caught Deemig's eye- he was nervous of and in awe of him and the Ggin hid her surprise at anyone being 'in awe' of such a gentle and yet muddled individual as this 'Vulcan'. She could feel Hulla glancing around the room in the vain hope of finding K'Tya reclined on the couch or hiding in some corner ready to step forward and put him at ease. She decided to do so herself and stepped decisively toward him, placing one tiny hand on his arm and smiling up into his eyes. Taking his hand she led him over to her place at the window and calmly asked Deemig to leave them alone. Which he did much to Harry Kim's surprise. 

"Tom Paris is not really unwell. " she stated rhetorically, rolling the unfamiliar name around her mouth.

"No, he's not." Harry conceded. "I don't know what came over him… I've hardly ever known him lose control like that! But I don't know what caused it; he wouldn't tell me anything. You know don't you? You're a telepath, of course you do…" he sighed, letting his body sink into a conveniently placed chair. The Ggin merely smiled enigmatically and sat herself upon the floor, leaning her forearms on the Ensign's knees and then resting her cheek on her folded hands. "Maybe he'll tell B'Elanna… She is his **girlfriend** afterall. No scratch that. I think he keeps more from her than he does from **me**!"

So many secrets. He felt her musing as she shifted her weight to a more comfortable position and fiddled with a scar on her wrist, running one index finger along and over the mark with rhythmic insistence.

"How do you mean?" Harry looked down at her and then noticed her fidgeting. 

"Where did you get all those scars from? The holodoctor can use a regenerator on them if you want…" he heard a snigger and sat forward properly. At his movement, she looked up; the grin still stretched across her features.

Whatever for? Then she became serious once more and went back to rubbing lovingly at one particularly noticeable scar that stretched diagonally across her palm. 

They are for a reason. They are mine. 

"What do you mean?" But she said no more and let her eyes drift shut, the hum of his questions and confusion lulling her into sleep.

^^^^

"God…where are you…I'm scared…" Tom's voice sounded tiny and empty in the silent cell. The trial had been horrendous: his father refusing to acknowledge his presence and now the young man was in a prison cell, all alone. Where the hell was she? Whenever he'd needed her in the past she'd always been there. And now he kept expecting to feel her arms close around his shoulders, pulling him towards her, one delicate hand slipping into his own as his head automatically dropped into it's natural resting place on her shoulder, nestled into her neck. 

The last time he'd seen her had been just after the shuttle crash on Caldik Prime. He'd awoken screaming from a nightmare to feel the gentle stroking of fingers on his brow, as she lay on the biobed beside him. Her words of comfort slipping into his mind like a soft breeze that soothed away his nightmares with loving caresses. He'd asked her if she'd always be here for him and felt her sad smile as she told him she'd stay as long as she was able.

Now he sat on the floor, his back resting against the bunk behind him and wished to god that she was here… "You said you'd always be here…Ever since mom left…you said you'd never leave me… I guess what I did was too terrible for even you to forgive…" Resigned to the fact that even his Angel had left him, Tom let the tears that had threatened to fall all day finally do so.

Tom Paris awoke with a start to find his bedclothes damp with sweat and twisted around his ankles. Most of the pillows from the bed had been flung to the floor. Shaking his head free of the nightmare's claws, he climbed out of the bed, impatiently kicking aside the sheets and blankets as they became more tangled.

How long had it been since he'd thought about that day? He'd not dreamt about it in years either. It had seemed that the longer he was aboard Voyager, eking out his penance, trapped in the delta quadrant, the less his mind seemed to dwell on the past. To such an extent that he had once thought to himself that if they never made it 'home', he might at least be cured of the guilty dread that word evoked in him. Now though, it seemed that the nightmares, the doubts, the constant nagging feeling at the back of his mind that he was still working off 'bad karma' was back with a vengeance. 

It couldn't all be down to one person could it? Couldn't all be down to **her**. He didn't even know who she was. One thing was clear though: The Ggin wasn't the sum of what the others believed her to be.

^^^^

When Commander Chakotay returned to the quarters allocated to the Ggin, he found a dozing Ensign Kim slouched in an easy chair by the viewport. The alien herself was nowhere to be seen. 

Pausing for a moment, the older man scanned the room, fighting his rising concern as he did so. The door to the bathroom was closed and cautiously he moved to open it.

Cross-legged on the floor, the Ggin frowned at the instrument in her hand. It had taken her a while to teach that 'machine' these people called a 'replicator' to make the knife and it still wasn't perfect. But still, she'd decided, forcing her eyes to focus on the thing, it would have to do. The ritual should have been carried out a long time ago. But, better now than never.

The instrument was tiny and delicately made: a narrow handle that stretched into a sharp, hollow point. The ink had been difficult to reproduce but she had improvised and now the pen-like object was ready. Wiping a patch of pale skin with the hem of her tunic, she held the pen in position and began:

Anaia. Preka. Munder. Beyall. A myriad of images assaulted her mind as she punctuated each utterance with a slice at the skin of her upper arm.

"Stop!" Huge, heavy hands grabbed at her wrists and forced the pen from her grip. Their owner's eyes were huge with shock and horror. What are you doing? Giving up on speech, K'Tya shouted into her mind as he punctuated his words with sharp shakes of her shoulders. I thought we agreed… You told me you'd not try this. 

Try what? Recovering from her fright a little, Ggin froze in his hands.

To kill yourself… You promised you'd try to live…. Comprehension dawning, the Ggin threw her head back and laughed just as a panicked Harry Kim rushed in to the tiny room. ""Ensign! You were supposed to be watching her!" Letting go of the alien, Chakotay turned on Kim, his voice harsh with fear and anger. Ggin sank to the floor, one hand covering her mouth as she giggled to herself.

"I'm sorry… She was asleep too… I only shut my eyes for a moment… It won't happen again-" Both men paused in their debate, Kim held against the wall by Chakotay's hand at his collar, as the sound of the alien's girlish giggles reached through their emotion- fogged minds. Then they ceased staring at her to start at the sound of Tuvok's voice.

"Commander, Ensign. Is there any reason why you are close to committing violence toward one another while our charge harms herself with a crudely formed weapon?"

Pausing to listen to her friend Deemig attempting to discipline her other two companions, the Ggin began to giggle yet louder, her sniggers soon growing to a crescendo as she clutched both at her mouth and her belly and curled into a ball on the blood-stained floor.

You make me laugh so much… I think I like it here when you are all so funny…

Forcing himself to be patient, Chakotay let go of Kim's collar and knelt before the woman. With more care than he had shown moments earlier, he lifted her to her feet and held out her now bloody arms for inspection. For her own part, the Ggin allowed herself to be directed in such a way and concentrated on taking deep breaths to calm her hysterics. Now more serious she let him meet her eyes.

Let me help you… His concern evident, Chakotay pulled her gently over to the side unit that contained a washbasin and held her arms high above her head in an effort at stemming the flow of blood. Then he rummaged around with one free hand to find a towel that he used to wrap around the worst of the cuts. All the while she watched him, her eyes never leaving his face.

The cuts were quite deep and would scar if not regenerated almost immediately and to that end the commander called over his shoulder for one of the others to comm the doctor. There was a strange bluish ink deep within each wound and glancing at the bloody knife that now rested on the floor, where it had been dropped in the earlier fracas, he realised where it had come from. 

I don't understand. She felt him say and looking closely she noted tears forming in his eyes, blurring his vision.

Would you like me to tell you? Her smile now sadder she moved her head to regain his eye contact.

Can you? 

Of course… the smile widened with incredulity and she bit back the urge to start giggling at the pitiful sight of the man before her. She could feel his hurt at her supposed betrayal; his fear of losing this strange and eccentric being; his frustration at yet another failure. 

Wriggling her hands until he released his grip on her wrists, she dropped her hands to lever herself onto the edge of the wash stand. One hand she tangled with his own, the other she used to cup his chin so that he stood only a fraction of an inch from her, his breath, which slowed now from it's previous gallop, warm on her face. 

"It is a ritual." If he noticed that she now spoke aloud, he didn't say anything. "Each marking tells of the passing of one of my people. It is a ritual of mourning. The first incision and the deepest is made at birth- on the death of my mother. This," here she freed her hand from his and held it at eye-level for his inspection. "My father gave me." The scar was long, maybe three inches in length and stretched diagonally across her palm. "Each of these," she removed her hand from where it still rested on his cheek, to trace the numerous lines that decorated her arms. "I made for each subsequent member of my tribe that I have lost. Each slice is almost like your 'written word'- it is a record of the name I had for each of them. When a member of my tribe is lost, my name for them is lost also- never spoken again, as is their name for me. The slices record their name, their living and their passing, to ensure that they are never entirely lost. When the Borg came for my people, I lost over a thousand names and I must record them."

"But-" here she covered his lips with both hands

"I will not kill myself. I am the last of my tribe, when I die, my tribe dies with me. We held what you call a 'collective consciousness'- all that they each knew, all that they each were, is now within me."

^^^^

"Curious." Harry shook his head in amazement: was that all the holodoctor could come up with? He was as bad as Tuvok.

The atmosphere in sickbay was lighter than it had been every other time he had been there of late. The Ggin- Miu as he knew her was patiently giving some kind of guided tour over the markings that adorned her face, neck and back. Every now and then she would wink at him, reminding him of the panic of earlier and her amusement. He found himself grinning back.

The scars that extended up her neck and joined over her eyebrows were the markings of her history: recordings of ancestors. During the Gginzaid equivalent of puberty, she had left the others and gone into a private chamber onboard their ship to revive the instructions passed into her consciousness at birth and hidden until the Age of Comprehension: the history and combined knowledge of her people. During the ritual she learned the individual voices, ways and temperaments of each of her ancestors and named them, marking her skin in memory of each. The semicircle that adorned her lower back was a history of her own life up until the last 'entry' which was made by her mate on the eve of their surrender to the Borg.

Harry scarcely noticed the Commander's presence beside him, so engrossed was he in watching the little scene being played out before him.

"Are you feeling as foolish as I am, Ensign?" Harry caught the gentle humour in the older man's voice and found himself grinning a response.

"I know. It's crazy isn't it, all this time we've been worried about her harming herself and yet none of us thought to ask why…" Chakotay was about to agree when he was interrupted by a flash of irritation and boredom. A few feet away, the doctor was running yet another tricorder over the Ggin, who for her own part, sighed and pulled away, wriggling free of the small huddle of people that surrounded her. 

"If you'll excuse me, I think our guest wants a change of scenery…" Chakotay stepped forward to take the Ggin's hand in his own, "Do you want to leave?" Stifling a yawn, she merely nodded. "Doctor, can you continue this at another time?"

"Certainly commander"

"Right then."

^^^^

Late, late, late. Lt Paris was feeling more than a little like the white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland as he hurried through Voyager's corridors towards the bridge. Thanks to last night's fright and resulting angst he had managed to sleep through his alarm. Now, with sleep-mussed hair and a coffee-stain down the front of his uniform, he prayed that Tuvok was not at the conn this morning. The commander would be bad enough, the captain probably his best chance… Knowing his luck however, it was bound to be one of the former two.

^^^^

Elise had taken his hand and tugged him out of sick bay before anyone had a chance to argue and now she pulled him along the corridor behind her. Not bothering to suppress the grin that had taken over his features some time ago, Chakotay allowed himself to be led. 

How do you know we're going the right way? He teased and she turned, mid step to glare at him as she marched along, now backwards.

**Are** we going the right way? 

We are. The hysteria of earlier had now passed and the commander found himself enjoying this strange moment of pure 'Gginness' that was on display. Almost childlike in her actions and expressions, it was hard to believe that this alien was more than three times his age in human terms and almost 'elderly' in her own. Everything was fascinating to her: the flashing colours of the computer terminals that line the corridor walls; the intermittent portholes that offered glimpses of the galaxy outside; the words, appearance and thoughts of passing crew members. Chakotay found questions being fired at him constantly but oddly never tired of answering them. 

Meeting Chell was an interesting experience, the first officer noted. Elise had stopped dead in her tracks, her mouth dropping wide open in wonder. Eyes gaping she had uttered only one word that seemed to sum up the crewman's entire being: 

*Blue*!. The crewmember had stopped in his tracks also, obviously her telepathic explanation had not only reached the commander's mind for the shorter man mimicked her pointing motion, a grin splitting his round face in two.

"Blue!" he shouted, obviously meaning the ink stained scars and tattoos that adorned her face and arms. Both fell into giggling and pointing as they moved close enough to circle one another, amazement evident in their faces.

^^^^

Late, late, later, latest… Now the question was not simply whether or not Paris **was** late. It was a question of **how** late he would be…

^^^^

Blue! Elise allowed herself to be led away from her new friend and continued to amble along the corridor. Chakotay was again marvelling at the childlike manner of this 'middle-aged' woman at the same time as he marvelled at how well her tiny and delicate hand fit into his own.

Someone was coming around the corner and the Ggin halted suddenly to concentrate on the footsteps and thoughts of the advancing being: Tolli. Her hand, still clasped in K'Tya's, wriggled, fidgeted and finally rested. 

Tolli stopped, said nothing aloud, turned to abruptly leave.

^^^^

Oh shit… Tom Paris' first instinct was to run. The alien was stood, passive before him, her hand held lightly in that of Commander Chakotay, her expression one of unsurprised calm. Time stopped, sound stopped, movement stopped until suddenly Tom was a child again, staring up into violet eyes speckled with yellow that held nothing but an absorbent and all-encompassing peace. In silence, a hand was offered and he took it, reaching out to touch skin as soft and pale as his own. And just as the boy took the hand in his own, with trust in his eyes, the man fled.

"Paris?" Chakotay frowned at the fast retreating figure and then turned to stare at the woman beside him. What's going on? Purple eyes glanced into his own before fixing their stare on the ground beneath their owner's feet. 

Fear. She simply said and tugged on his hand to lead him onward.

"Ggin… Elise… Tell me."

"It's a private matter." Momentarily abandoning her own natural language to speak in his own, the Ggin sounded the closest to 'human' that he had ever known her. It took a few seconds for Chakotay to reconcile the sad and flat-sounding voice with that he had grown accustomed to hearing, feeling, even seeing, deep in his mind. Absently he decided that he preferred the telepathic voice he was used to.

__

^^^^

There was no sound but for the gentle rustle of leaves and branches disturbed by breeze and there was no light save that of the campfire that blazed a few paces away. The deep canopy of the forest hid the moon that was no doubt full. In the natural stillness, he felt his ancestors watching, guiding, listening.

His one link to the waking world, a large flat stone inscribed with a spiralling marking, lay heavy in his hand and inspite of his meditations, that link always remained.

Akoochemoya. I am far from the bones of my people but I ask that I may speak with my father, the one the wind named Kolopak. Akoochemoya. 

^^^^

It was waking time. Ggin had slept much of the afternoon and early evening tucked into the blankets of the bed in her quarters. It had been a long day spent in sickbay being examined by the doctor, and a tiring one. And a disturbing one: Tolli's reaction to her had been unexpected…

Stumbling from the mattress, she padded across the room in bare feet, groggily tugging on the hem of her tunic until it hung in some semblance of neatness. In the dimmed light of the living quarters, K'Tya sat cross-legged on the floor, a few feet from the couch. His eyes were closed and in one upturned palm lay a large, flat stone. Curious, she approached, one tiny foot after the other. The thoughts emanating from him were calm, restful- almost as if he were sleeping, but not quite. A little closer, she moved to kneel in front of him.

^^^^

His eyes were closed, this he knew. Closed both in the waking and the spirit world and yet he could still see as though through his own eyelids. 

Through a tiny gap in the trees, a figure crept closer, eyes huge in the firelight, paws silently touching the ground so gently as to leave the forest floor untouched. Warm breath sighing, His spirit guide seated herself on furred haunches to touch him nose to nose. One paw rose uncharacteristically to brush over his features and awake and in-dream, his eyes snapped open.

^^^^

Ggin ran one delicate hand over the features of the man before her. Her touch barely whispered over his skin to trace his forehead, nose and chin. Gentle fingertips brushed lightly over smooth eyelids that suddenly disappeared to be replaced by brown eyes that started before melting into her own.

Smiling lightly at his confusion she tipped her head to one side. Once, twice. He grinned, his shock dissipating. 

I don't understand. She shifted to cross her own legs so that her pose mirrored his.

I was meditating. The confusion was now hers and she frowned slightly as she sought understanding from the open book of his thoughts. Finding it, she sat back slightly,

And yet you find **my** ways strange….? Unable to contain himself, the first officer threw back his head and laughed. Smirking a little she watched this first sign of unabashed and unconstrained emotion in the controlled man who sat before her. And deciding this to be funny, she joined him.

^^^^

"You're not tired anymore?" he clarified later, rising to his feet and taking her with him. Having learned the motion a few days ago, Ggin shook her head with the uncontrolled grace of a child and allowed herself to be manoeuvred over to the couch. As her friend retrieved a glass of water from a table a short distance away and pressed it into her hand, she showed him how with time, she would require less and less 'sleep' as he knew it and would merely doze for short periods during the rest of the crew's waking hours. Her full sleep would be undertaken as a form of 'hibernation', usually in liquid. During **that** time her telepathy would become as inactive as her conscious mind and she would be un-wakeable by any means until she willed it herself, subconsciously.

^^^^

Later still, curled into Chakotay's side with her head resting on his shoulder, Ggin let her thoughts drift back to the earlier confrontation between herself and Tolli in the corridor. Waking the almost sleeping commander as she stirred, Ggin fidgeted to regain movement in stiffened joints.

Tolli. She frowned into the glass still held limply in one hand.

"Who?" Chakotay was fidgeting himself, extricating himself slightly from the weight her head placed on his shoulder; he stretched, groaning as he did so.

"Can I leave?" Expectant eyes stared up into his own as she untucked her head from the space between his head and shoulder.

"What do you mean?"

"I need to see him."

"Who?" Chakotay was sitting up straighter now,

"Tom Paris." The words were still strange to her and she rolled them about her tongue with a frown of concentration.

"Is that your name for him? You have a name for him already?"

"Yes." She was on her feet now and moving toward the door.

"Do you need me to take you to him?" The commander had to press the back of his head into the backrest of the couch in order to watch her progress across the room.

"No. I can find him."

^^^^

__

Captain's Personal Log Stardate****

The Ggin continues to settle in with us here on Voyager. Commander Chakotay has moved from being her primary carer to her friend and benefactor, spending most of his off-duty time in her company. Tuvok and Harry Kim are also still quite attached to her.

In fact, the only crewmember onboard not completely enamoured with our guest, is Mr Paris. Inspite of our informal conversation on the matter he remains inattentive to his bridge duty and distances himself from the others during his off-duty time- even his friend Ensign Kim. I have expressed my concern to Chakotay- his position as my executive officer makes personnel issues his domain and he has noted that the Ggin **did** appear to recognise him, or know him in some way. According to Chakotay, Ggin has a name she uses in reference to Tom, which is odd, since she has only attached names to crewmembers she knows well such as Chakotay, Tuvok and Harry. Whatever is going on, Ggin has chosen to remain silent on the issue, even when Paris refused quite emphatically to see her earlier today. She has not even communicated anything to the commander. Chakotay doesn't think that she is necessarily being secretive, she simply considers the matter to be none of our business. Tuvok's absolute trust in her tells me all that I need to know: even if Chakotay were taken in as he has been in the past, it is unlikely that **he** would.

All this would lead me to believe that although our pilot's 'instincts' are generally quite accurate, in this case he is mistaken in his distrust of her. He has not volunteered any information even when questioned about her and so I don't believe that his fears can have any rational grounding. I think that he is nervous of telepaths- many people are and I asked that he try to spend more time with her. He all but refused.

^^^^

"Lumbii." Neelix announced and sat back in his seat, his plump arms folded across his chest. The others, seated around the table in the briefing room exchanged glances.

"Mr Neelix, who are the 'Lumbii'?" The captain tried unsuccessfully to hide her impatience as she swivelled in her chair to fix the Talaxian with beady eyes.

"Captain, you do not want to know." He replied dramatically, slicing the air between them with one hand to emphasise his point.

"Try me." She countered, exchanging a tired smirk with her first officer who rolled his eyes heavenward and stifled a chuckle with one hand.

"Well. They only acquired warp technology ten years ago from an invading race that enslaved them- an uprising against their oppressors resulted in their taking back their world and capturing **theirs**." Here he paused, yellow eyes flitting around the table to see that his drama was having the desired effect. "Anyway, they are fiercely territorial, xenophobes- probably as a result of their troubled past. They invade other worlds to prevent **them** from attacking and refuse to allow anyone to pass through their space, for any reason."

"I see." Janeway smiled grimly, "Well, I can be very persuasive." 

"Uh Captain?" Neelix piped up again, this time more nervously, "I really would advise going around their space."

"That's impossible. According to the schematic you showed us, their space is simply *huge*- going around would add at least another eighteen months to our journey."

"Then perhaps we might consider **not** announcing our presence unless absolutely necessary."

"And risk giving them good cause to distrust us? I don't think so." Turning her attention away from the still uneasy chef, Janeway steered her officers back to the remainder of ship's business before dismissing them. Only Chakotay remained behind, his previously merry features fixed into a slightly anxious frown.

"Katherine." Circumventing the large table, he slid into a chair closer to her own.

"You disagree." She sighed, getting to her feet and standing before him- marking her territory- this was **her** ship. Noting the grim line that she pressed her lips into and her confrontational stance- her hands twitching to rest on her own hips, the first officer felt his resolve weakening.

"We've been here before," Fighting back his unease at the weary expression on his commanding officer's face; Chakotay rested his palms facedown on his thighs and looked up at her. "The Borg, the Hirogen, even the Kazon. We don't have the firepower for another major confrontation. This just strikes me as an excessive risk for the sake of a couple of months."

"You're right. We **have** been here before. You wouldn't support me when we encountered Borg space and Species 8479." Janeway stepped backward and began to pace the length of the room. "Chakotay," she turned suddenly and he once again felt her defiant glare. "Do you **want** to reach home?"

"Excuse me?"

"I have to ask since you seem so reluctant to do what's necessary to get us there."

"Katherine, you know I want to return home as much as everyone else. However, I will admit that I would be readier than you to admit that perhaps it won't happen. For you this **drive** to reach the alpha quadrant is…"

"Obsessive?" Her stare had sharpened and her hands finally found their way to her hips, "Chakotay I can think of nothing more **worthy** of my 'obsession'."

"I **wasn't** going to call it that."

"Chakotay," suddenly wanting to be understood by the man before her, Janeway quieted her tone, her voice softening until it was almost beseeching. "I know that you've always been more comfortable with the idea of settling for a life here but I can't accept that. And nor can the others. Frankly, if we didn't have this goal in common, I don't know if we would have made it as one crew for so long. **Home** is what's keeping most of us going- oh sure, it doesn't dominate every waking moment and every dream each of us has like it did at first, but it's **there**. This is a **calculated** risk. And we **are** taking it. I would however like to have your agreement."

"I-" he could feel himself weakening- she was right, of course. Returning to the Alpha quadrant was the most important thing to the crew- Starfleet and Maquis alike. And he was wrong to think that they would resign themselves to yet another setback. He didn't have his Captain's trust- he hadn't in a while, possibly not since the incident with the Borg and Species 8479, perhaps before **that**, perhaps not **ever**. It was time they learned to trust one another. His voice sounding hollow to his own ears, he said, "You have it."

^^^^

"They what?" Neelix looked stunned as a slightly smug Captain Janeway revealed the outcome of her recent discussion with the Lumbii. Although **as** paranoid and **almost** as hostile as he had said them to be, the Lumbii had agreed to allow Voyager to pass through one small corner of their territory- a compromise that cut twelve months from their journey as opposed to the full eighteen she had hoped for. "Captain, do you not think it might be a trap?" he hedged

"Maybe it is. It's a risk I'm willing to take." She replied, shrugging a little. "They **have** insisted on escorting us through the expanse but I intend for us to maintain combat readiness as a precautionary measure. I'm sure we'll be fine." She added, her tone becoming slightly gentler as she rested one reassuring hand on his shoulder. 

^^^^

A sudden noise forcing her eyes to snap open, the Ggin stared for a moment around her quarters. K'Tya and the others were on the 'bridge'- she could feel their tension as their thoughts converged on words she did not understand. Bright flashing lights outside her viewport alerted her to the source of the noise: they were under attack.

A few decks away K'Tya was shouting orders, his mind focussed on the actions of the others around him and the computer screen in front of him. Ggin could feel him searching his memory for a useful ploy to escape their foe and wanting to be near him and the others, Ggin hurried through the door and toward a lift.

"Bridge." She stated, working her lips around the word as she looked up around her as if the computer were a living being above her head.

Another loud crash rocked the lift and falling to the floor, Ggin felt a sudden emptiness in a place, deep inside her mind where one of the crew had lived. She had no name for the man but had felt his presence among those of the crew as a whole and suddenly, through his eyes she saw a console exploding into a shower of dancing sparks- and then nothing more. As the man's eyes became still and lifeless, Ggin shut her own and whispered a farewell to him.

^^^^

"Tuvok, report." Janeway shouted from her chair. A few feet away, her first officer knelt over the lifeless form of Ensign Manero, his face grave.

"We have taken damage to weapons and life support systems. There is risk of a hull breach on decks ten and eleven. Warp engines are offline." The Vulcan stated flatly.

"Chakotay?" At the sound of his name, the commander shook his head, 

"He's dead."

"Captain, we are being hailed by the Lumbii vessel."

"On screen. Why have you attacked us?" Projecting herself out of her seat, the captain asked the only question she could think of.

"Prepare to be boarded," was the only response she received.

"Why? We agreed on the terms of our entering your space and have not violated those terms."

"We changed our minds. It **is** our prerogative to do so. And you are hardly in any position to argue. If you surrender without further resistance we will consider leniency."

"Not a chance." The woman snarled, "We'll destroy our own ship before handing it over to you!"

"Then I suggest you do so." The signal was cut and Voyager's crew was left flabbergasted.

The door to what K'Tya and the others called the 'bridge' slid smoothly open and Ggin stepped nervously into the darkened room. Her poorly trained eyes managed to pick out the flashing lights on the consoles; the flickering dance of flames and the motionless body of a man named Manera. Her ears picked up on the buzzing of malfunctioning systems. Her more utilised senses picked up the worried murmurings of the crew; their captain's indecision; their first officer's sorrow at losing one of 'his own' crew.

Unnoticed by the others, she edged forward. The Captain- Ggin had no name for her yet, was barking an order at Deemig who complied instantly, no question in his mind. The order involved opening a 'channel' but since she had no idea what such a thing was, Ggin paid no attention and instead concentrated on trying to reach the crewmembers most in need of her assistance. Lying at the foot of a small flight of steps lay a woman, her ridged forehead smeared with blood. Without preamble, Ggin tugged a strip of fabric free of her sleeve and pressed it to the wound.

"Overlord." The Captain was still speaking, her tone calm yet firm but Ggin could feel the worry behind her strong words, "I am asking you to reconsider. We have taken heavy damage. Let us turn back and leave your territory. What could you **possibly** have to gain by killing us- we'll destroy our ship before handing her over to us so that is exactly what you will be doing. We understand why you feel so strongly about strange races but we mean you no harm. We only wish to return home." The being on the other ship was replying in the negative, his thoughts disdainful, suspicious, cold. But, deep within, there was fear, uncertainty and when Ggin got to her feet and advanced slowly toward the huge screen upon which was the imposing shape of an alien face, recognition. 

The 'Overlord' had stopped speaking; his eyes fixed on the slight woman that now stood beside the human captain. Large violet eyes, framed by indigo-stained markings stared up into his own, their countenance peaceful.

Know me. They said. Know what I am and let us go in peace. 

Dumbly the Lumbii Overlord nodded and Voyager's external sensors picked up their aggressors' stand-down.

But Voyager was slipping away from the Overlord as his gaze remained fixed on the delicate female that stood so composedly before him. He was a child again. There was noise all around him: the city above him in flames. In the darkness of the shelter he lay comforted in the arms of a strange alien with a painted face and violet eyes. A few feet away, another of the aliens mopped the perspiring brow of another Lumbii who lay injured. And all the while the bombings went on above ground, the alien that held him sang in a gentle voice that slipped in and out of his conscious mind in rippling waves that sent calm hope with him into pleasant dreams.

"It's you…" Now back in the present, the Overlord whispered in awe and received a gently regal nod from the alien in reply. "You were there…"

You know that we will never harm you. 

"Y- you're free to go." The Overlord's attention returned briefly to the human, "You'll receive no further action from us." The communication was cut.

^^^^

Sighs of amazed relief filled the bridge as Voyager's crew exchanged baffled looks and went to work repairing what vital systems they could. After a few moments, Ggin noticed that several sets of eyes had fallen to her and she looked down into K'Tya's shocked face, still crouched as he was at Manera's side.

"Ggin?" The voice spoken softly into the air not far from her ear came from the Captain and Ggin turned her head slowly to face the woman in reply. "What just happened?"

"They will not attack us." She offered in answer and to **her** it was a perfectly good one. Why, afterall would **anyone** attack the Gginzaid. Realising that now was not the time for trying to force information out of the strange being, Janeway returned her attention to the status of her ship. And as Ggin moved to leave the bridge, Tom Paris turned in his chair to watch her progress, something akin to understanding finally showing on his face.

^^^^

The ship was calmer now. The voices of its occupants steadying as their workload gently decreased. Ggin had wandered through Voyager's corridors, listening to the thoughts and words of those around her. The colours that surrounded each crewmember were calming now from the fierce reds of battle and fear to gentler hues that undulated and billowed about each body. Satisfied that save for the sorrow many of them still felt for Manera, the crew would return to normal soon enough. 

It had been several hours since the Lumbii had turned tail and left and gradually the frantic repairs had dwindled as shifts ended and crewmembers wandered to their cabins. 

For her own part, Ggin had found simply watching them exhausting and she erected tiny barriers between her own mind and theirs in an effort at shutting out some of the noise. This was something she had done only once before, having had no need of it with her own people. There was an exception of course- her Comprehension Rites during which she had cocooned herself in a deserted chamber of her ship and tuned out all of the voices and colours of the others. Then she had heard, for the first time those of her ancestors calling to her from where they had remained hidden in the deeper recesses of her rapidly diminishing unconscious where they had been placed by her mother at birth. 

Arriving at her destination, Ggin reached out with one hand to open the door to one of the holodecks and stepped inside. The place was dimly lit although brighter illumination would have made little difference to Ggin since the holographic deck was almost invisible to her. The people that wandered about had no colours to surround them and no voices spiralled out from their minds. They were almost transparent to her and she held hesitant hands out before her to guide her way.

In the distance, there were colours and thoughts emanating from one man who bent over some strange, flat, shadowy shape. There was a long, thin stick in his hand and he drew it back before driving it forward in parallel with the flat object. Ggin stopped, stood and watched. The man muttered under his breath and let his forehead hit the object. Ggin felt twinges of frustration spit out of the man as he threw the stick onto the object in defeat.

Tolli. Startled, the man looked up and Ggin noted resignation in his mind as he let his hands fall to his sides. 

"I wondered how long it'd be before you came looking for me again." Biting his lip with increasing nerves Paris backed away a few paces and gestured to a small group of shadowy objects at the other end of the room. Through squinting eyes, Ggin guessed that the shapes represented seats and followed him slowly. As they seated themselves, Ggin pondered on how to speak to the young and troubled man. In the end she settled for the slow and usually difficult spoken word.

"You've not sent me away again." She stated, hands folded in her lap

"No." his embarrassment tinged with the remainder of his distrust, he lifted his eyes to meet hers. "I- what happened today? The Lumbii- they knew you."

"Yes. And so do you."

"For the same reasons?"

"Of course. The Gginzaid cared for the Lumbii because they were in need of it. I cared for you for the same reason."

"You've been to Earth."

"Not as you know it. My mind can move far more quickly. When we 'sleep' we often spend the time journeying through the minds of other races and on one occasion, whilst doing so, I found **you**."

"I thought you were a ghost. Or an 'angel'… I think though, that I was too tired and too scared of the rest of the world to care **what** you were. It was enough that you were there whenever I needed you." Ggin said nothing, and Tom found himself staring at her for a moment before one important question came to mind. "The last time I saw you… You gave no indication that you wouldn't be coming back… Wa- was it because of what I did after the shuttle accident? Did **you** disown me like everyone else did?" Smiling gently, Ggin reached forward to take both of his hands into her own, tugging him forward so that he was reaching forward over the small table between them.

Gginzaid do not judge. 

Tom's jaw dropped open as the walls around them disappeared to be replaced by space. From within a strange ship he could make out the menacing shapes of several Borg cubes, all advancing toward him. The thoughts of those around him were as calm as their expressions and their features were framed by intricate blue markings. Dozens of sets of purple eyes, tinged with yellow stared into his own as everyone joined hands. 'We live to serve. We are Gginzaid.'

Her husband helped one woman, heavily pregnant through the drone-lined corridors of a Borg ship. There was fear in her eyes but she squeezed the man's hand and allowed herself to be carried by him and another Ggin. Behind her, another Ggin was faring less well. Younger than the others, this female had not yet completed her Comprehension Rites and as such still had the remnants of some sort of individual consciousness. The female's heavily panting breath filled the stuffy corridor as her panic increased. 

The captives' journey ended in a tiny chamber and the tribe crowded together, milling around to touch one another. The sounds of a thousand names being exchanged as the tribe said their farewells to one another, soft and melodic to Tom's ears as he watched from thousands of light years and several real years away. 

The youngest Ggin found herself staring into the older and more serene eyes of the pregnant female and poured out her feelings of panic. Soft hands clasped her own and pulled her down to kneel on the ground below. The pregnant female extricated one hand from the grasping hands of the young woman and placed it delicately on the side of her face,

Nia. We go into this as Gginzaid. We make the decision as a tribe. There is no turning back now- we do this to save another race. We **must** slow this 'assimilation' because we are the only ones that **can**. You are one of us and you have so little time to accept it and throw away the barrier you have placed between yourself and us. Let it fall away and you will not die alone. All that matters is the life of others: we are the instrument for others' survival- that is our lot. That is our way. Nothing to fear. Nothing to escape. This **tribe** will end on this day but another **race** will survive. Join with us. It is the only way. The young Ggin sighed, her expression fast turning from lonely panic to a peaceful resignation. She would die today. But not as an individual, alone and in pain, struggling under the hands of Borg drones. Instead, she would allow her own breathing to slow to nothing and nestle into the myriad of like-sounding voices around her as one by one the systems of her body shut down.

^^^^

Curled up on the floor of Sandrines, where he had slid a few hours ago, Tom Paris stared up at the woman that stroked the hair back from his forehead. 

"That's why you didn't come back… They were about to assimilate all of you that day, just after the crash at Caldik Prime… I thought you'd stayed away because of me…" Giving up on beating back the tears that burned in his eyes sockets, Tom allowed her to comfort him. 

Later, composed and about to leave the deck, Paris turned back to the petite alien that had helped him to his feet and dried his eyes. Please don't leave again. Now that I've found you, I don't know how I'd cope. Smiling, she cupped his chin in her hand and reminded him of his need for sleep. Someone else needs comforting huh? Goodnight Angel. 

"Goodnight Tolli".

^^^^

The observation deck was in darkness when Ggin stepped through its doors and scanned the large chamber. Several feet away, a lone figure sat gazing up at one of the portholes. 

Sorrow, regret, anger directed inward. K'Tya's heavy frame was hunched over loosely clasped knees. Silently padding over in barefeet, still unaccustomed to shoes, Ggin knelt behind the man and wrapped her arms around his shoulders to pull him back until he almost reclined against her chest.

It's alright. Lean on me. I'm stronger than I appear to be. Voyager's first officer found himself melting into her arms and lost his grip on his knees to let his arms slip bonelessly to the floor. In what way is this your 'fault'? Ggin asked

"Here to 'counsel' me, are you?" he smiled, postponing answering her question. He heard her repeat the word 'counsel' and knew that she would be frowning in puzzlement at the strange word until she gleaned understanding from his own. "Why ask me?" he then asked, "You could get the answers straight out of my mind."

Yes. But your species has a spoken language for a reason and I think that by saying the words you might better understand your sorrow yourself. He laughed, but without much mirth before finally giving in.

"I should have argued with her more. I gave in too quickly."

Your Captain. 

"Yes. I felt that it was too great a risk- going into the Lumbii territory. But she called me on it and I gave in."

Why? 

"Because… This situation has come up so many times out here. Sometimes it's important for a first officer to back his captain. I think that maybe this was one of those times."

If you were the captain, what would you have done? Ggin shifted to cross her legs, pulling the man in her arms closer to her.

"Gone around the territory. Just as I would have with the Borg. There are so many times when I wouldn't have taken such a risk… but they might all have ended in mutiny. I guess that's why she's the captain of a starship- she's willing to take risks."

This isn't only about the Lumbii. Is it? 

"No… I suppose not."

"You do not consider yourself to be 'good' at what you do." Elise had reverted to speech once more and the sound of her voice, eerily childlike in the near silence of the observation deck brought his musing to the surface.

"I suppose not. When I was younger all I wanted was to join Starfleet. To leave my 'backward' home and family and search the galaxy for 'adventure'." He chuckled at the memory and then became serious once more. "I was 'proficient' at the Academy. Not a real high-flyer like Janeway would have been, like Paris or even Torres before she left… I was average. And if I had stayed with Starfleet I'd have eventually risen to become a **competent** first officer on an **average** ship. But, I left to join the Maquis- because I believed in it. The fighting, the deaths, the destruction- at first I hated it but every time I woke up I felt **alive** and glad to be so.. . Every day was about survival and keeping one step ahead of the Cardassians." Even now, several years later, that last word was spoken with emphasis and contempt. "I **thought** I was quite good at it- Starfleet was certainly keen enough to track me down- they sent Voyager! 

'But it seems that my instincts were so ineffectual that **two** traitors snuck by me. Not one but *two*- Tuvok **and** Seska… She, I even took into my confidence… my bed… If they had known about each other they could have shared a laugh at my expense. But then, Vulcan's don't laugh."

They laugh. She affirmed softly. In their way. But they would never admit to such a thing. 

"Of course… So I was an **average** 'fleeter; a lousy Maquis leader; I've hardly any interest in the **science** that seems to bother the others so much… I was made first officer in a purely **political** move. Had the two crews not had to merge, Katherine would have chosen Tuvok as her number one. Instead she has someone who is barely up to the job…"

"And so?" Noting that his self-pity was becoming circular, Elise spoke up to bring him out of his funk.

"I was 'railroaded' into backing Katherine's decision. Just as I have been before. She doesn't trust me. I don't think she can allow herself to. Not really. And I'm tired of feeling like the token Maquis puppet. But I'm stuck with it. I can't leave the ship because the other Maquis would follow me blindly- still- after all this time… And besides, I want to get home too. But if the decision were finally made that that was impossible I think I could finally feel some peace."

You feel alone here. Elise clarified and rested her chin on the top of his head. 

You **are** different from many of the others here. When I arrived here, your thoughts were so calm. You were so relaxed in my presence, I felt at peace and safe. You find it easy to accept things- that is something many of the others are **unable** to do. We Gginzaid **always** accept. There are some things that must be strived for at all costs and for you one of those things is your principles, she hesitated over the new concept before continuing, Your implicit trust is only a weakness when others set out to deceive you. Your loyalty to your friends is the same. If others have manipulated you then that is simply the way it has been. You can't become what you are not. 

"What do you mean?" K'Tya sat up on one elbow and turned to face her,

In other circumstances. In another **time** you would not have felt so isolated. You have been placed in unique circumstances and cope in the best way that you can. You know that you have a responsibility to those around you. 

"In other words, 'put up with it'." He sighed and she pulled him back again to lie once more in her lap,

"Yes." Then, her countenance softening, she smiled gently, stroking some of the tension from his brow; I am here now. And I will always be. You're not alone any more. 

Words, spoken or telepathically sent were now no longer necessary and the two of them raised their eyes to stare up at stars he had never seen before and she held little real interest in as Voyager continued her long and limping journey toward 'home'.

**__**

CHAPTER THREE: EDEN

Captain's Personal Log Stardate****

In the past six months the latest addition to our complement has made impressive progress. Training her for diplomatic work has been relatively easy since she is a fast learner but it is for her skill as a counsellor that she has proven herself the most. She has become a friend and confidante to us all.

Ggin and Commander Chakotay have been established as a 'couple' almost since her arrival and are by now considered to be essentially married. If I was jealous of the match it was for a very short time only: Chakotay is happy- the happiest since we first became stranded out her and I am pleased for him. 

Besides I have my ship and for now anyway, that is enough for me. I still cannot bring myself to build any but the most temporary of lives out here.

^^^^

Voyager was silent but for the gentle hum of her engines and the quiet meanderings of crewmembers on the graveyard shift. In the quarters they now shared, Ggin watched the man she had come to think of as her 'husband' as he slept. Months ago she had settled into her own sleep patterns of dozing for short periods throughout the day, usually if bored and entering a deep sleep, immersed in a bathtub filled with cold water at monthly intervals. Most nights she was wide awake when K'Tya finished his shifts and they would spend most of the evening together. Then, while he slept, she would wander about the ship visiting the still awake crewmembers. This was one such night. 

He snored: this she had found amusing and the first night they had spent together she had woken him with her laughter at the absurd noise. Now, she ran one tiny palm over the man's profile, memorising each feature and listened to the oddly comforting sound of his breathing and the hum of dreaming thoughts beneath.

^^^^

__

There were beings here. Beings unlike It had known before and It's curiosity piqued, It let It's lonely shape drift toward them. Still too far to tell who they were, It kept It's progress slow. But as It grew nearer, the thoughts of one of the beings drifted through and It realised that **this** being It knew well.

^^^^

Water. Ggin kicked back the bedclothes that caught around her ankles: what was it with these people and **cloth**? Ggin failed to understand the human need to be covered by such a thing while unconscious. It offered no protection from harm and in such a controlled climate as this, such stuff was not needed to keep a person warm yet still K'Tya insisted that to sleep without the thick, heavy fabric would be 'weird' and chuckled at her confusion. 

The living area was in near total darkness: it's only light source being the porthole that looked out on the universe outside. Naked but for her hair which grew at what humans considered to be an alarming rate, growing in the short time she had been on Voyager, from just above her shoulders, to reach down to skim the tops of her thighs, Ggin wandered over to the replicator.

The porthole offered little real interest to Ggin but she wandered over to it anyway since there was little else in the room to capture her attention and glass in hand she stared into the nothingness, her mind milling through the dreams and thoughts of Voyager's crew and beyond. Far away in one direction lived a people who dwelled in caves not unlike those her own people had once made their homes. It was summer in that world and the youngest of that race ran in and out of the shelter of the caves into the bright, warm light outside. Ggin let herself be carried along with their play for awhile; their innocent games, conversations and reasoning reminding her of Tolli when she had watched over him as a child. He was not like that now: at least not on the surface. And yet Ggin still couldn't bring herself to **stop** watching over him.

Further still lived a race that slept their way through life and existed only in the dreams of others but Ggin did not bother to stay long with them, feeling uncomfortable as she did in their presence. 

In the opposite direction there waited something else and for a moment Ggin strained to feel it. When she eventually did, she drew back in shock before once more reaching out to touch it. Its loneliness was overwhelming and she instantly felt herself being drawn in. 

^^^^

The sharp sound of glass hitting metal and shattering dragged Chakotay back into the waking world and finding Elise gone he clawed his way out of bed and into the living quarters. He found her lying in a crumpled heap on the floor under the porthole, her eyes half closed and her breathing coming in tiny exhausted pants. There was a cut on her knee where she had landed on a shard from her broken glass and the blood that gathered there was echoed by that from a graze on her forehead where she had hit the window pane. Backing up slightly, he hurried off in search of his comm badge and a blanket that he used to wrap the woman in and shouted into his badge as he lifted Elise into his arms,

"Chakotay to Transporter room two, two to beam directly to sickbay."

^^^^

__

There was a soft hum, the like of which she'd not heard in a long time and puzzled by this, she moved toward it, scarcely noticing that the surface beneath her feet was cool and soft, yielding beneath her and springing back up behind. The walls were of the same stuff and unconsciously she stretched her arms out to the sides to brush curious fingers over the gentle surface.

The air was cool here and Ggin felt that she could stay here forever. The walls that surrounded her were responding to her touch now, pressing in on her hands, memorising their contours to recreate them. Ggin felt one of her hands being gently encircled and held by that formed by the wall. Long, delicate fingers threaded through her own and for a moment she paused to watch, fascinated. Then she leaned forward, into the wall so that it could repeat the same process on the contours of her face. Now, stepping back she could look into her own image staring back at her like a Plaster of Paris moulding.

There was a voice speaking to her, deep in her mind and she strained to hear it, her eyes closed and her brow furrowing with the effort. And although she felt that she could be quite happy in this place there was at the same time a sense that something was missing and opening her eyes, she backed away until the wall released it's gentle hold on her hand.

^^^^

The light in here was bright, she could tell how so even through her closed eyelids and she instantly recognised the sharp sounds that now surrounded her, blocking out the underlying hum of the ship's engines as those of a waking sickbay. She had spent so much of her early time onboard this ship in this very place that she now knew by rote the sound of each computer, machine and device. More importantly she knew the sound of the holodoctor, a strange buzzing noise that most people ignored but that she found impossible to do so. 

One of her hands was still being held and she knew immediately by the sheer size and shape of it's captive that her hand was being held in one of K'Tya's. Unconsciously she gave the hand a quick squeeze and felt a returning one.

The doctor was pointing something at her- something with an electrical current and reflexively she batted the instrument aside with her free hand as she forced her eyes open.

"Why?" she asked, gesturing vaguely at their surroundings,

"You collapsed in our quarters. I brought you straight here." K'Tya was smoothing the back of her hand with one large, flat thumb and Ggin let herself be momentarily caught up in the sensation. "What happened? You've been unconscious for more than eight hours…" He was frowning, his concern obvious even to one who did not spend most of her time wandering through his mind. Ggin let her head roll to one side so that she could face him.

"I was somewhere else." Now he was confused and the doctor was clucking and pointing more things at her. Ggin sat up; swinging her legs around to hang over the edge of the biobed before either one of them had the chance to protest. This was not something she wanted to explain. It was something she wanted to simply place in K'Tya's mind and let him understand himself. But that would have to wait until later. Now the doctor needed satisfying that she was unharmed and to that end she let her gaze run over what she could see of her body, and let her internal senses take care of the rest. There was a cut to her knee. The doctor had used one of his machines on it to mend the epidermis so that the wound was almost invisible to the naked eye but the buzz of the nerves around the area and the deviations her blood made to avoid the area told her to be careful with that knee. The sharp irritation of some of the inner tissue told her that there was still some foreign object remaining that the doctor's gadget had missed. There was something amiss with her head also. Blood was seeping into a tiny fissure in her skull and she reached up to trace the scar on her forehead.

"You have a hair line fracture to your skull." The doctor stated flatly as he watched her action. I take it that you are aware of this fact. The cut on you knee has been regenerated."

"There's still something in it." Ggin replied, frowning at the joint as if it were somehow it's own fault for being injured.

"That's impossible, I checked it myself." The doctor looked cross as he reached for yet another long, darkly coloured instrument that beeped and hummed to itself. K'Tya was doing his best not to smirk as he reached out to once again regain a gentle hold on her hand.

"If the wound were left open, the…glass would have left itself eventually." Ggin added unnecessarily, watching the doctor's movements. "Or could simply leave it. I can learn to live with it." The doctor was rolling his eyes.

"Thank you but I am not in the habit of 'leaving injuries be'." The hologram snapped 

"Hold still until I finish and then I'll see to that head wound." Ggin sighed and glanced at K'Tya. There was no telling the man. A hairline fracture or whatever he called it could be adapted to. So could a piece of glass. But no, the holodoctor simply wanted to feel useful so here she sat, humouring him. It was strange but inspite of his lack of subconscious thought or readable emotion, Ggin found that she understand him just through his body language almost as well as she knew the others onboard here through their thoughts.

Leaving the doctor to his ministrations, Ggin rested her head on K'Tya's shoulder and reached into his mind to explain what had happened to her. When she had finished she stared into brown eyes that showed a mixture of enlightenment and further confusion. Glancing meaningfully at the still working doctor, she raised one finger to her lips in a gesture of silence she had seen mimed by someone else on this ship. K'Tya half smiled and nodded. They would 'discuss' this later. 

^^^^

Elise almost bounced into the quarters she shared with Chakotay and following her at a slightly more sedate pace, the commander wondered at her mood. Her excitement was no secret to him; she had not bothered to shield him from her emotions as she had been taught to with others. Mixed in with her excitement were expectation and a strange sense of peace that contradicted the uncertainty he also found in her. 

The doctor had performed every test he could think of to determine a possible cause for her collapse and no doubt made up a few more besides. He finally released her from sickbay on the condition that she return the moment she experienced any symptoms. Elise had paid little attention to the holodoctor, half skipping out through the medical centre doors and leaving her husband to receive the doctor's instructions.

We're alone now. He now reminded her, moving to stand beside her at the porthole. 

What didn't you want to tell me before? Elise sighed, frowning as she searched for words. 

It's alright. Tell me in your own way. He smiled at her frustration and let himself be pulled down onto the floor. Sitting back on her heels, Ggin considered for a moment the best way to show him what she had experienced. Finally settling on a method, she inched forward to straddle one of his outstretched legs and rested her forehead against his own.

^^^^

__

The chamber was not large, its walls, ceiling and floor blending into one to form a rounded tunnel-like shape. Those walls undulated softly, their muted colours blending together and changing constantly as the humming changed frequency and intensity. 

Delicately scarred hands stretched out to smooth over the walls and tiny bare feet pressed into the soft floor with each slow step. There was a Need to be a short distance away, in another chamber and that Need drove the feet to move faster. But only a little. The Weight and Ache prevented any great speed and The Body stopped for a moment in exhaustion, leaning into a seat formed suddenly by one wall.

There He was. Tall and well built, his face a little lined but calm and peaceful. The colours around him accentuated that and The Eyes stared up into his, one hand captured gently in his. Soon the colours said and The Head nodded its agreement. The Face was lovingly cupped in one of his hands and The Lips broke into a tear-filled smile. 

Joy. 

And love. 

From this man. And from all around, From the beings that surrounded the body, beings in other chambers, knowing, feeling, sharing.

Pain now. Deep in The Belly, swollen, as it was to render the feet invisible. But They **were** still there. He had told The Mind so and laughed as he did. The pain was dulling now as it was shared amongst the others who mentally clasped hands to form a circle. And now, exhaustion passing and taking with it pain and nausea, The Body allowed the surrounding wall to push it gently to its feet and continue on its way.

A sudden movement and the walls cried out in pain and muted indignation. The fear it felt shared by all and the peace shattered. **They** were here now and there was work to be done. The Hand squeezed His and received a jolt of hope in return.

No more running to be done. All purpose served now and the Guarded were away and safe enough for now. The Hand reached out to reassure the panicked walls around as a decision was made. 

In the minds of all gathered there, a voice was heard, deafening in it's lack of emotion. No fear, hate nor malice.

We are Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. 

^^^^

Do you understand now? Elise sat back, her hands still framing his face as she watched his eyes flicker open to stare into her own. Dumbly he nodded. It's here. We have to find it. Another nod and she rested her cheek on his shoulder, her hands dropping from his face so that her arms could snake around his neck. Feeling his own reach up to pull her closer, she allowed herself to be held as securely as she held him.

^^^^

__

There she was again. This time held in strong arms- no longer alone. It moved closer, curiosity piqued and started on realising that It did not recognise **this** being. But still, if she were there, this must be a safe place. And there was so little time…

^^^^

"Captain, we're picking something up…" Harry Kim looked up briefly from the first piece of excitement he'd seen in several days. Straightening in her chair, Janeway swivelled to face him,

"Can you be more specific?"

"Not really. It's a small shape, probably half the size of Voyager. It's on course to intercept with us in about… twelve hours." Kim was repeatedly scanning the object, his eyes flickering excitedly over his console. At his own station, Tuvok followed the young human's actions and broke in,

"The object would appear to be organic- some kind of living creature"

"A **space** dwelling organism?" Janeway was out of her seat and beside Ensign Kim in no time at all and the man stepped aside slightly to give his superior officer a better view of the sensors that lit up on his console.

"That would be a logical assumption." Tuvok agreed.

"I doubt we could hail it… I wonder how else we might contact it…" The captain was drumming her fingertips on the edge of the console as she thought for a few moments.

"Captain, the organism may not be- friendly." Tuvok searched his own memory for a suitable word and found himself settling for a human expression. "It may not be sentient-"

"Mm… I'm not sure I can cope with any more alien lifeforms mistaking us for prey, it's mother or it's mate!" Janeway nodded to her Chief of security and let her excitement reside for a moment on a mental back burner. "Harry, keep scanning the organism, see what else you can find out about it. Tom, alter our course so that we are no longer on a direct collision course…"

"Acknowledged. Course change made. We're now heading past the yellow dwarf star system…" Paris swung his chair around to check with her,

"That will have to do. We can alter our course again to reach that moon once we're sure that the organism doesn't pose a threat. Don't worry B'Elanna, we'll still get those supplies." She turned and offered a brief smile at her Chief of Engineering who had opened her mouth to protest at the change in direction.

^^^^

__

There it was again. Stopping to wonder, It waited. This 'thing' had been following It for a while now and although It had not recognised the thing It had not considered it much of a threat. It's only concern was to reach Her again, make that connection, to the exclusion of all else.

Pain. White hot and searing, exploding through It until It felt Itself falling, plummeting in a downward spiral, It's only thoughts still focussed on Her, the only one who could help It.

^^^^

Her mind reeling, Ggin staggered to her feet, a sharp, burning pain encompassing her every organ, crawling over her skin and wrapping itself around her brain. In the distance, a concerned voice called her name, one large hand pressing into her shoulder.

"Elise? What's wrong? 'Lise?" Ggin ignored the voice, choosing instead to stare out of the viewport before her, her every sense focussing on the pain, wrapping imaginary arms around it, pulling it close and making it solely hers. Deep in her consciousness, familiar hands clawed at her; begging, beseeching. And terrified of the colours and voices she took hold of the hand.

^^^^

"Whatever it is, it's veering away from us now." Harry Kim's attention was still focused on his console, a frown of concentration forming over his features.

"Mark its progress." In her chair, the captain rested her chin in one palm as she stared at the screen ahead of her that showed little more than passing stars. "Do we have a visual yet?"

"Affirmative." 

"What on Earth **is** that?" The captain levered herself out of her seat and approached the screen, awe clouding her eyes and her voice dropping to a barely audible whisper. The shape was smooth, seamless; almost like a huge pebble that moved through space by no obvious means. It's progress, as it moved away from Voyager was marred only by a slight shuddering to the port side that was, at first, only discernible through the ship's sensors but which became more obvious as the crew watched the 'thing's movement. "What is it doing? Tuvok?"

"Unknown. **If** the 'object' is a form of life then it seems to have lost control somehow. It is heading toward a nearby moon. At its current trajectory, the object will collide with that moon. By my calculations, at the object's current speed, collision will occur in less than one hour."

"Ensign Kim, we need to contact the… whatever it is as quickly as possible. Have you made any progress?" The captain turned to advance on the younger man and rested her hands briefly on one corner of his station.

"No captain, none at all." The woman muttered a curse under her breath before quickly regaining her composure,

"Very well, continue to gather as much information as you can on it. Keep me informed, I'll be in my ready room."

^^^^

Her features clenched into a scowl of concentration, Ggin forced herself to return to her surroundings, her every thought focused on the hand that still rested on her shoulder. She found herself lying on the floor under the viewport, the lower half of her body supported by something that she soon recognised as K'Tya's lap.

"Did I fall again?" She blinked up at him and he stroked a few stray tendrils of hair back from her forehead.

"I think you passed out. I was about to get the doctor again…"

"There's no need." Gently brushing him aside, she sat up, a momentary wave of dizziness slowing her.

"What happened?" Staring at her intently, K'Tya took one of her hands in his own, gently preventing her from moving any further away. Her experience returning to her in a flash, Ggin straightened, turning in place to meet his gaze,

"Something is wrong." His hand tightened imperceptibly, 

"How do you mean?"

"I felt shock. And **pain**." Struggling only slightly with the correct words for the emotions she had felt, Ggin returned her gaze to the stars outside. "I can still feel it. It's…" Frustrated, she searched her own memory and that of K'Tya's for the correct term, "Out of control." Those words sounded alien to her and she spoke them carefully and deliberately, her head nodding slightly with the pronunciation of each syllable. Behind her, K'Tya frowned but his own musings where thwarted by a sudden lurch as Voyager turned sharply, throwing him to one side and landing on one elbow, his wife following him and ending up cushioned against his chest.

"What the- Chakotay to bridge." 

"Commander, report to the bridge immediately." The captain's clipped tone flitted back through his commbadge and asking Ggin to stay where she was, he hurried out of their quarters.

"What's happening?" There was that silly question again, but it was all he could think of as he entered the dimly lit bridge and crossed the small space to join his Captain who stood motionless before the viewscreen.

"The entity we've been studying began exhibiting strange behaviour a short while ago and started erratically changing direction. Mr Paris had to work hard to keep us out of its way…" The woman's eyes never left the screen and Chakotay found himself following her gaze for the first time since he had arrived on the bridge.

Almost filling the viewscreen, a rounded shape weaved it's way through the stars, sometimes turning as if to ram them, others, moving off at impossible angles that Voyager's pilot struggled to match.

"We're concerned that the entity might enter the atmosphere of a nearby planet." Janeway added, her eyes narrowing. "We still don't know if it's **living** or not…"

"I should get Elise…" Chakotay's voice had taken on the same distant and thoughtful quality as that of his captain.

"Why?" Janeway finally broke contact with the screen before them,

"She may be able to help…" Not wanting to elaborate further, he retreated a few steps to tap his commbadge, hoping that she'd remember how to use the badge he had given her a few days previously. A soft 'yes' told him that she had and he told her to get into a turbolift and ask to be taken to the bridge. 

"Care to tell me what's going on Commander?" Janeway arched one eyebrow and he returned to her side,

"Elise- Ggin experienced something. She showed me what it was but I don't have any idea how to understand or even describe it. I was seeing through her eyes and I was in a place filled with others that she knew- they must have been her tribe. It may not be relevant but she showed me it at around the same time that we first encountered this… whatever it is." 

Their conversation was ended by the soft 'shush' of the bridge doors sliding open. Taking hesitant steps, Ggin stepped out onto the bridge, nervous eyes peering around at the crew that busied themselves at their stations. She didn't like it there. All the flashing lights and busy sounds of electrical circuits and industrial minds whirred around her mind to all but shut out the less worrisome thoughts of the rest of the ship. Straight ahead of her was a giant screen, a large shape moving erratically across it's surface but she paid little heed to it, fixing her attention instead on the familiar and more interesting shapes between her and it. There was K'Tya, and a short distance away she could make out Tolli, straight-backed in his chair. Glancing at Hulla, who looked up briefly from his own console to offer a reassuring grin, she moved to join her husband, one hand slipping into his as soon as she was close enough.

"Do you recognise it?" she heard him ask and turning toward the screen, she realised what he was talking about. She stared blankly at it for a few moments, one head tipping to the side once, twice as she studied it. Frowning as she strove to remember, Ggin nodded and looked back at him, as if waiting for his approval. "Is **that** what you showed me earlier? Is that what you were inside?" She nodded and watched as he turned to face the small, authoritative woman that stood to the other side of him. Ggin had not paid much attention to **this** individual, finding that she had little in common with the thoughts and emotions that she emanated. If K'Tya were a symbol of the similarities and common ground between Ggin's own race and the 'humans' then **this** woman was a summation of all the differences. 

They were exchanging glances now, K'Tya and this small, bossy woman. Ggin let herself eavesdrop on the woman's thoughts for a moment before returning to the safe familiarity of K'Tya's. Suddenly there was pain, blinding pain that came from nowhere and forced her to her knees, losing her grip on K'Tya's hand.

"Captain, the entity has broken away and has entered the planet's atmosphere." Deemig's tone was typically dispassionate and as if from a great distance, Ggin wondered at his race's ability to hide things so well. "At it's current velocity and angle of descent, the entity **will** be severely damaged by the planet's atmosphere an by its landing."

"Can we stop it somehow?" Janeway moved quickly away from the heap on her bridge's floor formed by Ggin and Chakotay, who now held his wife in something akin to a sitting position, the back of her head resting on his shoulder. 

"Negative."

"There must be something we can do…"

"Captain, may I remind you that the Prime Directive forbids our interference in the matters of other races."

"I know but…" The captain broke off and sighed in resignation. "Very well. We'll remain in orbit and monitor the entity's lifesigns from here." Finally she turned to her first officer. "How is she?" Janeway returned to his side, kneeling down beside him. Paying little attention, Chakotay felt for Ggin's pulse and on finding it, stroking gently down one side of her face. Tuning out the sounds around them, he tried to reach her.

^^^^

__

In waves that increased in intensity, the pain washed over her, each one leaving her gasping for breath. The walls around her moved much faster now, forcing themselves in and out as if panting. The surface on which she now lay was still cool to the touch. But not as cool as it had been before and struggling against the heaviness in her limbs, she reached out to press one hand into one wall only to find that it's temperature was as high as that of the floor. 

She understood fully what was happening now and panicked by that knowledge, fought to return to herself and to the bridge of Voyager. 

I'll not be gone long. She called to it and felt it's tenuously elastic grip on her mind loosen, allowing her to slip away.

^^^^

There was an almost inaudible gasp and suddenly Chakotay found himself staring into violet eyes instead of unconscious eyelids. For a few moments, Elise lay in his arms, blinking up at him and then letting her focus settle on the ceiling above his head.

What happened? Finally he managed to speak directly into her mind and noticed that she smiled slightly, gratified at his effort.

Dying. was the only answer she gave before screwing her eyes up once more, her face contorting in agony. Somewhere in the distance, Chakotay heard someone tell the captain that the entity had entered the moon's atmosphere and was plummeting toward its surface but that was of little concern to him. Although still silent where, perhaps a member of any number of different races might have screamed, Elise's pain was obvious. She had curled herself into a ball, the muscles in her entire body clenching and spasming. Tears were escaping her closely knitted eyelids and falling down the sides of her temples to disappear into her hairline.

^^^^

__

Falling. The pain was unbearable; inspite of sharing it with Her and It felt the heat that surrounded It searing through to the core. She was there again. It could feel her heartbeat deep inside it, irregular with the effort of withstanding so much pain. Once, there could have been so many with whom to share this torture, but now only one. And It would have to make do.

^^^^

Elise… How can I help? A strong voice, thick with worry seeped into her consciousness and Ggin forced her eyes open, slowly loosening her grip on the connection to let it fall away. Still shuddering as the spasms left her, she imagined she could spy the connection left lying slack on the floor as a length of cord, a hair's breadth from her, waiting for her to reach for and pick it up once more.

Above her, several concerned faces stared down at her. Tolli had left his seat under the huge screen that dominated this place called 'the bridge' and was now knelt beside her, opposite K'Tya. Hulla stood directly above her, bent at the waist, his hands gripping his knees for support. Deemig was close by also. The tears now clearing from her eyes, Ggin noticed that the frowns they all wore seemed to match. 

It's passing now. she communicated to them and allowed herself to be pulled into a seating position by K'Tya who wrapped heavy arms around her and held her close. We have to follow It. she added after a pause, staring up them, It needs us. 

"What is 'It' Elise?" K'Tya smoothed her fringe back from her forehead, stooping a little so that he could peer into her eyes. Blinking back, she tried to focus as a burning sensation that began deep in her chest and swelled outward, racked her body and left her breathless once more. 

Dying. 

There was a familiar ceiling above her once more. Sighing to herself, Ggin stared upward and let her mind tune into the voices of those around her, starting of course with K'Tya.

"I don't know how to explain it Captain," He was talking in hushed tones to the small authoritative woman and Ggin thought to herself for a moment that she really should get to know this woman- learn a name for her. "She 'showed' me something- a memory from her tribe's capture by the Borg." The Captain was listening intently as K'Tya recalled what she had earlier shared with him in their quarters. Ggin could tell that the woman's entire attention was focused on his words, processing and attempting to understand them. "I can't be sure but I think I was seeing through her eyes. I was in a *place- I think. There were others around me- I saw- recognised them as she did- her father, her mate, others also… The **place** I was in, I felt that it was **organic** in some way… I- she was pregnant and in discomfort, the walls of the place moved to support her- I felt it's 'concern' for her…"

"Commander, what in your **opinion** was this place?" The woman was exhibiting some small amount of impatience and Ggin propped herself up on one elbow to watch the non verbal interplay between her and K'Tya in addition to their conversation and individual thoughts. The Captain seemed to possess an ability to 'grow' in the eyes of those around her and Ggin already knew that in K'Tya's eyes, she seemed terribly knowledgeable and oddly intractable- she was an individual he disliked having to disagree or argue with. And now Ggin could feel him internally 'shrink' from the woman's stare.

"Katherine… I can't be sure…" he was resorting to the woman's 'informal' name, the one he used in friendship. Ggin had seen him do so before and not for the first time she mused on this strange use of different names and what some referred to as 'titles'. To her, separating a person into two or more different names- two or more different **personas** was bizarre. If 'Katherine' were this woman's name, then surely that would suffice in all of K'Tya's dealings with her. Ggin suspected that even when her husband said the name 'Katherine' he was really thinking of her as 'The Captain'. When on the other hand 'Katherine' called K'Tya Chakotay, she truly meant to call him that… "I think it was that 'thing' we've been following." K'Tya had taken a deep breath and jumped straight in. Ggin smiled and decided to climb off of the uncomfortable sick bay bed she was sat on- K'Tya needed her support. Unfortunately her legs disagreed and she found herself slumped on the floor, K'Tya at her side and the holo- doctor, whom she had barely noticed, holding yet another buzzing, humming instrument over her. Batting the medical scanner away, Ggin allowed herself to be pulled to her feet and deposited back on the biobed.

"Can I go?" Keeping a tight hold on one of K'Tya's hands with both of hers, Ggin turned to ask the shadowy holodoctor.

"Certainly not." He looked indignant, although, not being able to feel any emotions the being felt, she couldn't be entirely sure. "I'm still not sure what's wrong with you."

"Can you **find** anything?" Ggin half smiled up at the shadowy figure and was rewarded with a sigh from him. 

"No. My readings have all been normal- for your species. Of course," Now the holodoctor turned to K'Tya, preferring to address one who might have some understanding of what he meant- and some interest, "Not having much reliable information on the Gginzaid, comparing her current status with a baseline is impossible."

"Then I can go." Another sigh and the doctor looked to K'Tya for help. Not receiving it he waved them both on their way.

^^^^

__

Pain. Blinding pain, the kind It had not known in such a long while. Not since **then**. She was still near; It could feel the barriers She had placed between It and Herself in an attempt at continuing with the day to day of Her life.

Share. It needed to share this pain, this loneliness. And to that end It stretched out with what little strength It had remaining to pick at the telepathic barrier.

^^^^

You know what It is now. Don't you? Elise allowed Chakotay to almost carry her toward their quarters. Not trusting her speaking voice not to betray her, she reached into his mind, settling herself into the familiar expanse, allowing herself to enjoy the calm, comforting hum of her husband's thoughts.

"I think so. Why wouldn't you tell the captain?" Although comfortable enough with her thoughts twining with his own, the commander still preferred to speak aloud. Elise merely shrugged before adding,

I have to go to It. Noting his shock, she continued, this time aloud. "With or without your sanction. There is no **choice** here. If I do not go now then It will merely send for me."

"Ggin…" the sound of her impersonal title startled her into stopping suddenly,

"No argument." She said, her hand dropping from his arm to her side as she stepped back. "I'm needed. As Gginzaid I always go where I am needed."

"You're not going to drop this, are you?" Slowly Chakotay retook her hand, pressing it to his chest and in doing so, pulling her closer. At a shake of her head he sighed, 

"Very well. But we do this **my** way. We tell the captain. Everything."

"There's no time K'Tya….

"Make time."

"This is not my choice to make… Please. Let me go. Now. I will anyway."

"I **know**."

^^^^

This was going to hurt. Inwardly groaning at the knowledge, Ggin eyed the room around her suspiciously. Transporter Room Three, K'Tya had called it. And here she stood on a platform, waiting as K'Tya fiddled with various buttons at the console before him.

"Don't worry, it won't take a second…" He looked up and grinned at her. Ggin gave a wan smile in return. "Just keep very still. Energising." The room disappeared and a tingling that started deep inside her and radiated outwards soon turned to a burning sensation as she felt herself being torn apart.

^^^^

"It's a **what**!" The captain had leapt to her feet and rounded her desk before Chakotay had the chance to start. "Of course! We should have **realised**. Or we would have had you told us everything you knew from the very beginning!" She now stood barely a few inches away and Chakotay felt himself take half a step back.

"Captain… There are some things she didn't feel comfortable telling others about. Until very recently she's barely had the **language**! Most of the time she simply places images in my mind and then leaves me to make sense of them as best I can… How could she find the words to tell us that her **ship** was calling to her? The last time she was aboard was when she and the other members of her tribe averted the assimilation of the Bacambi by the Borg. Until now she thought It had been assimilated too!"

"But why would she hide this from us until now? I thought she had adjusted to life here- adopted us, **trusted** us."

"How could she? Katherine, she **does** trust some of us… But some of you she barely knows or understands! To her, you have more in common with the Borg than you do with **her**."

"Commander, I still don't see why this didn't come up before…"

"Because it **didn't**. Katherine, we have to deal with this **now**. I don't know what **It** wants from her. All she knew was that It needed her and that was enough for her to know…"

"And now she is **onboard** that 'ship'? Having been beamed there, by you, without my authorisation."

"Captain, I'm sorry but she would have done it anyway… Or tried to… I think her ship has some kind of transporter capability but if It had attempted to transport her through our shields she could have been killed… It was the only way."

"Alright." Janeway took a deep breath and strode away from him, one hand clasping her hip as she calmed herself, fought the temptation to throttle her First Officer. *

"We'll focus on finding out what this **ship** wants from her- try to establish some form of communication. Any and all disciplinary issues, we will deal with afterward. But understand this Commander, and understand it well, this matter **will** be dealt with."

"I understand Captain."

^^^^

__

Warm. Far too warm. Ggin found herself crumpled on a soft surface. Pushing into the surface with shaky arms, she forced herself into a sitting position. Staring around, she realised that she was in familiar surroundings. There were no voices here though- not like there used to be. Only one voice, mournful and pained. There was little use in trying to shut it out now for she was deep inside it.

I told you I'd come. she told the walls around her and noted their change in colour as It responded to her voice, fitting it to her image and Its memories of her.

Home now. It replied. Stay. 

^^^^

"Captain, sensor readings from the alien… 'vessel' are fluctuating. It suffered major damage when it crashed into the moon and it may not be safe for much longer." Kim frowned at his console and glanced up to be sure that the woman had heard him.

"Understood. Have you had any success with opening up some sort of communication channel?"

"Negative captain."

"Well keep trying. One of our crew is onboard there. I want to know if she needs our assistance. Mr. Tuvok, keep trying to lock onto her for transport."

"That is proving extremely difficult captain, the 'ship's shields are not like any I have encountered before."

"I'm having the same problem with communications," Harry chipped in, "There doesn't seem to be any sort of **frequency** to match- it's like trying to hail a **person** who has no commbadge…"

"Hm…" Janeway rubbed thoughtfully at one side of her face as she stared unseeing through the viewscreen ahead of her. "As a telepathic race they may not have any need of transmissions like ours… But since the only telepath we have who is strong enough to reach anything at this distance is currently on the ship we're trying to hail…"

"Captain," For the first time she heard her first officer speak up from the seat beside her. "I **know** Elise- Ggin- she most likely won't respond to any hails until she's ready- even if her ship **has** such capabilities. And besides, if she is in trouble, I'll know… So quite possibly would some of the others…" As if to further prove his point, Chakotay scanned the bridge, his eyes fixing on those crewmembers his wife was particularly fond of- Paris, Tuvok, Harry.

"The commander may be correct." Behind the captain, Tuvok also joined in, meeting the commander's gaze and although at that moment Janeway didn't feel like listening to her executive officer, the chief of security was right as usual. With an impatient wave of her hand she ordered her crew to watch for and notify her of any sudden changes in the 'ship's' status- she would be in her ready room.

"Do you think she's okay?" Now that the captain had left the bridge, Tom Paris spun around in his seat at the helm, "Ggin, I mean…"

"As I said to the captain, if she's not we'll probably know about it." The first officer replied shortly before softening at the look of worry on Tom's face, "All we can do is wait. And trust her to let us help her if she needs it."

^^^^

As if almost expecting to see them more clearly that way, Ggin craned her neck upward in the direction of Voyager. From inside **this** ship she could still feel the crew's concern for her. Biting her lip she made a mental note to contact K'Tya- convince him that there was nothing to worry about… Tolli too- he'd been almost clingy since her arrival on Voyager and she knew that he was panicking inwardly at the thought that she might leave him again. Nothing to worry about, that would be her message. Under Tolli's tutelage she was becoming quite adept at 'lying'.

It was shuddering again, shivering with pain and Ggin absently stroked the wall nearest where she sat, curled into a semi-foetal position. I'm here… she told it for what seemed like the millionth time. Taking a deep breath she moved to block out the voices of her friends on Voyager and instead let herself absorb more of her ship's agony. The pain was increasing by the second now and she wondered how much use she truly was to her ship, wishing not for the first time that there were others with whom to share this burden…

^^^^

In the silence of her ready room, Captain Janeway stared at the untouched and by now cold mug of coffee that sat upon the desk before her. Still wound as taut as a spring she had ordered the drink the moment she had left the bridge. Now though, her anger had dissipated somewhat to leave her feeling oddly desolate- And with little appetite for coffee. It was odd, she mused- Ggin had been onboard Voyager for several months and ingratiated herself into the lives of several of her crew and yet she, the captain had not yet sat with her, gotten to know her. Not even learnt a name for her… It seemed that those other crewmembers, though concerned about the alien's well being, trusted her judgement and instincts far more easily than those of their captain. 

Well, whatever, Janeway decided, she would have to learn to trust the Ggin also. And make a conscious effort to get to know her properly if and when she arrived safely back on board Voyager. There was still an 'if' though and Katherine realised that such a doubt played on her mind far more than she would have liked.

^^^^

This place was green. From where he sat, surrounded by tall grasses, he stared up at the canopy above and wondered how long it had been since he had visited this place. Smiling fondly to himself, Chakotay mused that it was typical of his wife to choose a place such as this in which to meet him. The muted voices of his family washed over him- whispered memories from far away and long ago and Voyager's first officer found himself focussing on the simpler, gentler moments of his past: fishing trips with his siblings and long, rambling walks with his father. He remembered how he had complained bitterly about being forced to take part in such mundane activities- pretending that technology considered the norm elsewhere in the Federation did not exist. But now, looking back through and wiser eyes he found that he missed that life. 

The air in this place was cool, crisp from a hard rain and a gentle breeze washed by him like a breath. There were hands clasping his own now and flexing his fingers he let the sensation of soft skin smooth over them. Opening his eyes he found himself staring into purple ones that contained within them a mixture of peace and worry- none other than Elise could ever look like that. 

Raising one hand to hold loosely over his lips, she hushed his anxious questions before he had a chance to form them,

I'm here. Satisfied that no difficult questions would follow until she knew how to answer them, Elise relaxed a little, letting her hand drop into her lap before changing her mind and slipping it into his own. For his own part, Chakotay decided to let her explain in her own way, simply whispering 'tell me'. My ship. She stated needlessly, as if to remind him of the fact. We should not have been separated… The Borg though… Ship escaped- frightened. Wanted to help by bringing others… But without Us to guide it… Lost… Lonely…. Sick now. Do you understand? 

I think so. Are you going to stay with it? At her slow, singular nod he closed his eyes briefly, trying to drown his groan before it could escape him. For good? 

It asks me to. Squeezing his hand tightly, she rested her cheek on his shoulder, snaking her free arm around him. Responsibility…

I know…. You said It was 'sick'…

Yes. As It has cared for my Tribe, the remainder of my Tribe must care for It.

Will you be safe there? We noticed fluctuations in the Ship's power output… A childlike shrug indicated her ignorance of his meaning, Will you be endangered by It's illness? Will you be warm, be able to breathe… Another shrug, Elise, is It going to die? A nod now. I want to go with you. 

I know. 

Distantly Chakotay noticed a familiar tingling as his body disappeared from his place on the floor of his quarters and reappeared in new surroundings. The air was cool- although not as cold as Elise usually preferred. The surface beneath him was soft, yet firm to the touch and curved gently upward at the edges to merge into walls of the same texture. Unsurprised, Chakotay realised that this was the place she had shown him several times before. 

There was no sight of Elise, although that didn't concern him, he knew that she was nearby, somewhere on this 'ship'. Climbing slowly to his feet, unsteady on the gently yielding floor, he made his way through the corridors of the ship in no particular direction. The soft hallway branched off into intermittent caverns that sloped and arched in no discernible pattern, reminding the commander of the tunnels and ventricles of an animal's heart he'd once dissected in a biology class. The walls were certainly as smooth as flesh and the first officer noticed that the gentle and rhythmic humming that accompanied his every step was as comforting as a heartbeat.

The final cavern Chakotay entered was slightly larger than the others but still as devoid of any form of furniture or adornment. Curled up in one corner however lay a crumpled figure, all but the rough shape of whom was obscured by a membrane that covered it. Through the sheath, thin as it was, he could make out the rising and falling of her ribs as she took careful and laboured breaths.

"Elise?" His voice sounded odd in the strange silence but it was enough to wake her and the membrane that covered her entire body fell away, allowing her to blink up at him.

^^^^

In her ready room onboard Voyager; Captain Janeway paced the expanse of carpet, a frown creasing her features. 

"How long ago did the unauthorised transport take place?" Still stood at her desk, Tuvok stared straight ahead of him as he answered in stilted tones,

"Commander Chakotay left the ship approximately five minutes ago. Ship's transporters were not engaged."

"Do we have a destination yet?"

"Yes. The 'ship' Ggin transported to."

"The 'ship' that is showing signs of power fluctuations." She clarified,

"That is correct Captain. We have stepped up our attempts at communication with the vessel." The woman gave an impatient nod and turned to face the window, hands characteristically perched on her hips. "Captain, the Ggin **may** have contacted Commander Chakotay herself."

"And?" Janeway turned suddenly to fix the Vulcan with her stare,

"And nothing Captain. I am simply thinking aloud."

"Tuvok," Janeway had returned her gaze to the viewport and her voice softened a little, "Do you think she'll come back?"

"I cannot be certain. She is **not** as 'happy' here as she might be. Without the commander I don't suppose we could persuade her to stay."

"What about Tom? She still cares for him deeply."

"That is true. Her sense of duty might make her stay for **his** sake."

"What if it **doesn't**? Do you suppose Chakotay will go with her?"

"Unknown. But such speculation is pointless." Tuvok noticed his captain nod slowly and added a little more gently, "I suspect that his **own** sense of duty will ensure the commander's return."

"Alone?"

"I am sure I am not the only one who hopes it does not come to that."

^^^^

In the safety of The Ship, Ggin reached up to stroke K'Tya's cheek, letting her hand rest under his chin, cupping it. Time passed slowly here and Ggin found that her brief life onboard Voyager seemed very distant. 

The air was now too warm here as Ship grew frail and tired and Ggin felt equally weary as she fought to share her Ship's distress and discomfort, trying vainly to bring the same measure of relief as sharing it with her now dead tribe would have done.

"What's happening?" K'Tya's speaking voice had dropped to a hoarse whisper and Ggin felt questioning eyes boring into her own.

"Dying." Responding in kind, Ggin felt her husband's shoulders slump as he received news he didn't want to hear.

"Is It planning on taking you with It?"

"No. But holding on is so hard…"

"You're trying to share It's pain, aren't you?" She nodded and he sighed as he sat down properly beside her. "You're not strong enough, not alone, you **know** that…."

"That's… irrelevant." Stumbling over a word she'd often heard Deemig say, Ggin climbed unsteadily to her feet, pressing one hand into the wall to support herself. 

"What **is** relevant is that I'm **here** now. I am Ggin; I do what I can to ease the suffering of others. Even if that means causing myself pain. It's what I am. It's what I do. And you've always known that." She was pacing now, something he'd not seen her do before. At the close of her speech, she stopped suddenly, mid-step and turned to face him, "The time I have spent on Voyager… It was if I were no longer Ggin… I have built up friendships, re-found Tolli, **found you**, but here I am Ggin again. I'm *needed*- Ship cannot be left alone- It has been for so **long**. Now I'm here and I have my **duty**."

"I can't talk you out of this, can I? Then fine, I'll stay too." Ggin nodded thoughtfully, it was no more than she expected. Crouching down she touched cold fingers once more to his cheek before helping him to his feet.

"We should tell the others."

"They've been trying to set up some sort of communication… It's not possible, is it?"

"We're a race of telepaths… For you it might be easier to go back to Voyager and tell them yourself…"

"Probably… Are you going to come with me?"

"No. I'll not leave Ship."

^^^^

__

.

Chakotay found that he had no words to describe this strange place- this **ship**. For immeasurable time he wandered through it's caverns and corridors, feeling rather than hearing the gentle hum that he now recognised as It's actions, thoughts and emotions. He now realised, perhaps for the first time why Elise found Voyager's silence so unnerving. The hum that surrounded him now was eerily comforting. But, at the same time, he knew that this was not It's usual sound, It's usual action. These were the sounds of a Ship in pain and in distress. The Gginzaid Ship **was** dying. And it seemed that in an effort to lessen It's discomfort, his wife was allowing herself to die with It.

He'd done his best to explain his decision to the Captain- to **justify** it. True, she had **tried** to understand, to be supportive but he had been able to tell that she was worried that her first officer would be willing to follow his wife into hell if she so wished it. This was not the first time that Chakotay had locked horns with Janeway: their views on life and obligation were so different. While at first the two of them had been able to bury those differences for the sake of cohesion and co-operation, enabling Voyager's crews to merge successfully, as their journey continued, more and more cracks had begun to show, and to deepen. And now that Chakotay had someone in his confidence who knew and understood his doubts and misgivings, the man had become even more likely to argue with his captain. Chakotay knew that Kathryn was worried that he might not return. 

"Elise?" Re-entering the cavern in which he'd first found her, Chakotay walked slowly toward her and seated himself at her side. She was growing worse, he noted to himself. Her skin was even paler than usual and had a waxy sheen to it; perspiration leaked from her pores to drench her hair and clothing and she was thinner than he had even thought possible. Hearing his voice, she reached out one hand to clasp his.

Around them, the ship seemed to be almost moaning to itself as new agonies racked it's shell and Elise's hand tightened in his. "Tell me about this place." He murmured, leaning close to her ear as he spoke. Automatically her free arm moved to wrap itself around his neck, holding him in place and she half smiled at the odd, tickling sensation of his breath on her skin. Lately, talking had become the only way to keep Elise's mind from the pain she was experiencing. Allowing herself to be settled into her husband's embrace, Ggin reached into his mind as she spoke aloud, her childlike speaking voice filling the cavern as her slightly deeper and yet still melodic mental voice filled his mind.

Our people once lived on a cold and damp world, dwelling in caves and underground. We came from the rock pools that littered its surface…Others lived there also- above ground and thinking us somehow 'evil' and knowing us to be weak they hunted us…. 

Chakotay found himself in a cool, dark place- a cave formed from a rock her had never seen before. All around him stood Gginzaid- ritual scars covering their naked bodies. The group huddled together as a short distance away, the heavy clanking of digging equipment signalled the presence of their persecutors.

So amazed was he by the sight of so many of his wife's race that at first Chakotay didn't notice the tiny pinpoint of light that appeared in the rock and opened out into the form of a humanoid who beckoned them to follow him. 

Their expressions devoid of fear, the Gginzaid seemed almost beatific as they wordlessly and without hesitation followed the creature.

"Our Guardians." Elise appeared at his elbow, "They cared for us- allowed us to serve and care for them for… Immeasurable time- generations…"

Chakotay blinked and found himself in new surroundings: dark and cool- not dissimilar from the caves but without the sound of the digging equipment and without the feeling of hatred, fear and nearing conquest that had emanated from the operators of that equipment.

"What happened?" Chakotay still felt his wife at his side and blindly he reached for her hand, threading it through the crook in his arm and holding it there loosely.

"Our Saviours had power… They saw everything, professed to **know** everything. They showed us so much and all we saw was **suffering**. We were shocked by the pain other races suffered as our Saviours looked on. We couldn't understand how They could witness this and yet do nothing… We asked to leave."

"And your Ship?"

"Although our Saviours were angry with us and told us that we were never to return, One took pity on us and gave us several of these Beings as a gift- to care for us. In our time serving our Guardians we had all but forgotten how to care for ourselves- we had lived out of the physical for so long… Our Ships would care for us and enable us to do our Work."

Back on Ship, Chakotay opened his eyes to find his wife asleep at his side. He had no idea how long he'd been dreaming but it was by now uncomfortably warm in the cavern now. The walls of the cavern had changed in colour and tone now, drying and brittle to the touch. It wouldn't be long now. Shifting slightly, he removed one hand from where it was clasped in Elise's and checked her pulse at her throat. It was fast and growing faster by the second. Her breath came in short pants now and Chakotay realised that when It died, the Ship would take her with It. 

"Elise!" His hoarse whisper failed to rouse her and gently shaking her shoulder, he called her name once more in his mind. You can't do this alone… Show me how to share it with you… Her eyes flickered open and too exhausted to argue, she reached out to grip his hand with surprising strength. The humming that filled the cavern around them suddenly became louder to him and seemed to echo throughout his body, spurring his every nerve ending into a kind of electrical frenzy that tensed his muscles and sent fire through his veins. Then the pain started…

^^^^

"Captain," The sound of her title, spoken with such urgency roused Janeway out of her musing. Shifting in her chair, she answered the com with a startled 'yes'. "Captain, the- Ship's condition is deteriorating sharply. And I'm having difficulty detecting the lifesigns onboard…" Harry Kim sounded a little panicked and struggling to her feet, Kathryn hurried out of her ready room and onto the bridge.

"Explain, Mr Kim." She snapped as she retook her chair.

"Well, as you know, we managed to re-modulate our sensors to discriminate between the ship's lifesigns and those of Ggin and the Commander… All seem to be failing." This last part of the sentence was uttered hurriedly in what appeared to be some attempt at lessening the blow.

"I see. Is there any way we can beam them back?" Janeway was gnawing at one knuckle as she stared at the screen ahead of her and did her best to forget the request Chakotay had made to her that she not interfere.

"Captain, if I may interject," Tuvok's voice rang out over the room. Chakotay had made his request in the Vulcan's presence also, knowing that whatever differences the two of them might have had in the past, **he** would honour his request. "The commander did specifically ask that we not interfere and that we trust Ggin to know what she is doing and to deliver them both safely back to us." Impatiently Kathryn nodded and reining in her temper added a snappy 'of course'. Inwardly she cursed her friend for his cold logic. Taking a deep breath she added,

"We'll wait." Then she forced herself to sink back into her chair, which suddenly seemed very large and very cold.

^^^^

We have a name for your 'Saviours'. Fighting the sensations that flooded his synapses, Chakotay focussed on what Ggin had earlier shown him. We call them 'Q'. 

Don't fight it K'Tya. Take it in, make the pain your own… 

All around them, the Ship's walls became hard and dried until they were as solid and unmoveable as rock. Chakotay felt the burning in his veins intensify and taking one last, deep breath, concentrated on doing as Ggin told him: letting the pain consume him he felt himself drift out of consciousness. 

Cool hands brushed over his temples and Chakotay let his eyes flicker open and his gaze came to rest on the face a few inches from his own. He was lying in a cold, damp cave that seemed oddly familiar. The hard, unyielding surface beneath him grew more and more uncomfortable and yet he found that he hadn't the energy to sit up. At his side, on arm snaked around his middle, Ggin propped her chin on his chest as she brushed the sweat from his brow. All around them shapes moved, flitting in and out of his line of vision, disappearing through the walls of the cave. The ghost of a knowing smile flickering over her face, Ggin watched him watching the shapes. 

Is it over? His mind's voice sounded uncommonly loud in the silence and Chakotay noticed for the first time that the rhythmic hum that had surrounded them from the moment he had stepped onboard the Ship had faded to nothing.

The Ship… Finally Chakotay realised that this was where they still lay. That this cave, devoid of life was all that remained of the cavern. It truly was over. What are those… He motioned weakly to the shapes around him,

What do you think? 

Ghosts? 

Of a sort… We all leave a part of us when we die… It remains with Ship, guiding It…

And now what? 

Now there's no need for them. It's alright- part of them still live on in me… One by one the shapes disappeared. "It's time to leave." Rising smoothly to her feet, Ggin reached out one hand to help her husband. Still unsteady and weak, he took it.

"We survived? I didn't think we would…"

"Yes. There has to be someone left for the Tribe to live on."

"You're really on your own now…" Letting her slide one arm around his waist to support his weight, Chakotay paused mid-way through staggering out of the chamber to turn to her,

"No. I'm not. Now I have a new Tribe."

**__**

^^^^

Chapter Four: Tribe

Chakotay couldn't remember a time when the view from his viewport hadn't seemed so bleak. The stars outside may have seemed a beautiful sight to other members of Voyager's crew, but to her first officer they had grown cold and unforgiving. They had always served to remind him of how far from home he truly was: these were different constellations to those he had memorised as a child and were unlike any that the human race had ever seen before. Nor had any right to see yet. 

A short distance away, a small woman padded silently toward him, her mind open, attempting to cloak herself in his own thoughts. Angrily he fought her back,

Leave me be! He felt her sadness as she retreated and immediately softened. It wasn't like him to snap at his wife, to shut her out of his thoughts, but today wasn't like any he'd ever experienced. Today she had taken him by the hand, led him to sit on the couch in their quarters and given him a piece of news so terrible that he couldn't even bear to look at her.

^^^^

It was only a few short weeks since he had witnessed- shared in the 'death' of the living ship that had carried her tribe through space for millennia. He finished his shift on Voyager's bridge and found her waiting for him in the turbolift. That was unusual- mostly she was still asleep when he arrived at their quarters and usually he found her stretching her sleepy muscles and joints, smiling drowsily up at him from her favourite resting-place under the viewport in their living area. Or, if having indulged in a long and 'true' sleep that lasted for days at a time, sloshing about in the cold water of the bathtub. 

"This is a surprise…" Still pleased to see her; he reached out his hand to be taken by hers and pulled her into a hug. Suddenly concerned, he pulled back slightly to take in her features, looking for any sign of upset. He found none.

"I've news." She replied, then fell silent until they reached their quarters. Leading him to the couch, she sat herself beside him, his hand still held in her own. Wordlessly she placed his hand on her belly, smiling gaily into his eyes as she saw the comprehension dawn.

His joy had lasted exactly five seconds: possibly the happiest five seconds of his life. Then he suddenly remembered the holodoctor's words from months ago. Ggin females become pregnant at the end of their lives and always die in childbirth.

"Elise, this can't be possible! I thought your injuries meant that you couldn't have children…?"

"Not 'couldn't'. More 'didn't want'. Now things are different." Her smile remained intact and unwavering.

"But… You'll…"

"Yes."

^^^^

He'd told her to 'get rid of it'. Now shocked at his words- as she had been, he fought to contain his anger, focussed on his confusion.

Why? He half turned toward her and felt her hesitation before she once again advanced toward him until she stood directly behind and took his hands loosely in her own resting her forehead against his back.

It's time. 

"Time for what? Time to **die**? I thought you were happy here. You **said** that you had found a new **tribe**!" Abandoning their telepathic link, he resumed his speaking voice. She followed suit, struggling over the many words it involved,

"I have."

"Then why?"

"K'Tya, do you know how **old** I am? Nor do I. But when the Borg came I was pregnant- ready to die. My life was all that it should have been! It is now… 'Unnatural'. It is time that this Tribe supported **new** life that can continue to live as **Gginzaid**. This is **not** a Gginzaid life- it is… **artificial**."

"I'll never get you to change your mind, will I?" Letting his chin fall to his chest, he pulled her hands up until her arms were wrapped around his torso. "How long do we have?"

"Long enough. And not long enough… I can't be certain how long exactly- this child will not be wholly Gginzaid…"

"In that case," Chakotay turned in her arms, his eyes lit with hope, "It might not kill you…" Sadly she shook her head,

"K'Tya, this has to do with the make up of **my** body, not that of my child. For the Gginzaid, life is passed from to another- it is the way of things. I won't let it change."

^^^^

The journey to the mess hall had **definitely** grown longer in the time she had been onboard Voyager, Ggin considered as she paused mid-step to gasp for breath. If nothing else, the journey had lengthened during her pregnancy, which was nearing the end of its final month. Her belly now so distended as to completely hide her feet and a good few inches beyond, Ggin tried to remember if her last and unsuccessful pregnancy had been as uncomfortable as this one. It hadn't been of course; the presence of the other members of her tribe had lessened the discomfort, sharing it amongst themselves. Not for the first time since she had arrived on this new and cold ship, did she wish that she were amongst her own kind.

"Tired?" K'Tya's hand slipped into her own and she felt herself being pulled into strong arms. Relaxing into the sensation, she let her face burrow into the human's breastplate, her swollen belly pressed flush against him. 

My own ship would have formed a seat and let me rest. She grumbled half heartedly, closing her eyes.

"I know, but will **I** do?" laughing to himself, he rubbed the back of her neck while almost holding her standing with his other arm. "Are you asleep?"

"Yes. Please stand very, very still." 

"Okay…. Elise, we're going to be late… There'll be nothing edible left by the time we get there…" He felt her sigh and moved to cup her face in his hands, "Ready to start moving again?" Dumbly she nodded and they broke apart for a moment, him finally ending up at her side, one arm still supporting her. "This has been hard for you… going through a pregnancy without sharing any of your discomfort… You can share it with me you know…"

"Oh?" Stifling a giggle, Ggin recalled her first bout of what the doctor had termed 'morning sickness' and how she had automatically reached out to her husband in the dead of night to lessen her symptoms. The poor human hadn't coped very well, taking three days to recover and swearing several times that he was glad to have been born male. Now, she heard his own answering chuckle as he recalled the same incident.

"Well, alright- bad idea… Have you seen Tom Paris lately?" She nodded in answer and concentrated on placing one foot in front of the other. 

"He's been-" she fought for a moment for the word before giving up and placing an image of the pilot's thoughts into her husband's mind.

"I see…" Chakotay found himself grinning at the image and continued to half carry his wife to the mess hall.

^^^^

From his seat in one corner of the mess hall, Tom Paris could see every arrival through the double doors and when the heavily pregnant Ggin and her husband ambled into the room, he waved vaguely at the two of them to join him. Having retrieved their food, the two of them instead separated and the commander moved off to join captain Janeway at another table. Ggin, armed with a tiny plate and the ubiquitous glass of water made her way slowly over to the pilot. Hurrying out of his seat, he took the plate and glass, setting them down on the table before helping her into a chair.

Hey. Now seated, he reached out one hand over the table to lightly grasp hers.

Hello Tolli. Reaching out her free hand, Ggin brushed an imaginary lock of hair from the pilot's forehead.

"Sooo how's tricks?" Ggin paused, frowning for a moment until she understood her friend's meaning,

I'm comfortable. 

"Guess a lot of people have been asking you that, huh? Must be getting on your nerves…"

Questions are a… part of life in this new Tribe. 

"How do you mean?"

Gginzaid are closely linked to one another- what one experiences the others do also. 

Everything? A slight leer working it's way across his features; Tom leaned forward conspiratorially in his seat 

"Everything." She affirmed, laughing to herself at the child's incredulity and took a sip from her glass.

"You gonna eat that?" His grin gave way to a frown of concern and he gestured at the untouched plate of food. Sighing in resignation she reached out to pick at the food with her fingers. "You're eating for two now….!" Ggin found herself giggling at the odd phrase and the two friends continued their partly spoken and partly thought conversation until they were interrupted by a call for the pilot to report to the bridge. "Gotta go- duty calls. Can I talk to you later? I'll come and find you…" Nodding, Ggin pulled his hand to her lips where she deposited a light kiss over its back.

Is everything okay? K'Tya was moving away from the table he'd sat at with the captain and was beside her a few moments later.

"He's afraid." Ggin blindly reached for her husband's hand as she watched Tolli's retreating back. "When I told him about the child he didn't argue with me- accepted it straight away…"

"And now he's frightened for you… We all are. But I think we reached a point where we realised that nothing anyone could say would change your mind…" K'Tya dropped heavily into the chair beside her.

I have to do this…

I know. 

^^^^

It was growing worse. The pain and discomfort had begun almost at the moment of conception and grown steadily worse ever since. Curling into a ball where she sat below the viewport, Ggin screwed her eyes tightly against the waves of pain and nausea. Forcing herself to relax she opened her mind, stretching out into the stars, daring to hope that someone would hear her cries for help.

^^^^

"I don't see any **real** problems, but I'd feel better knowing that Mr Neelix were… **supervised**." The captain gave her first officer a rueful smile from across her desk and he answered it with one of his own. 

"I understand."

"I'm glad. I mean its not as if I'm **expecting** problems and Neelix **did** lay the groundwork for this trade agreement…"

"But the Difa are a sensitive people."

"Exactly! And I'd feel better knowing that there was a more…diplomatic officer with him to oversee things…"

"Kathryn, there's no need to explain," the man was openly chuckling now.

"Thank you… Are you sure that Ggin will be able to cope without you? The doctor tells me that her due date is drawing near… I can understand that you might want to spend as much time with her as possible-"

"No, it's alright- even when we're apart I can still feel her near me- if she needs me she'll let me know...! Actually it's a pity she's not up to leaving the ship- having a telepath on hand might be useful…"

"Well, it's plain to see that she's struggling…

"Yes, she is. But she's a lot stronger than she looks…"

"You're still hoping that she'll survive, aren't you? Chakotay, I don't blame you for **hoping**- the very idea that you might **lose** her is…well"

"I know Kathryn. And I know what the odds are- I've read the doctor's notes and I've seen for myself from Elise… But let me at least **hope**, give myself **that** comfort…"

^^^^

The room was in darkness when Tom entered later that evening. He wasn't surprised- Ggin had little need of lights since she mostly navigated her way around by touch. The room was also silent since she paid little attention to music and he had soon grown accustomed to this and to find peace in such quiet when he usually found most silences uncomfortable.

"Angel?" A tiny movement at the viewport caught his attention. "Is that you?" Glass in hand, Ggin slid herself up the wall behind her to stand, with her glass held in both hands at her middle. Even in the dark it was plain to see that her features were even paler than usual, her eyes wide in their sockets and her breath coming in tiny pants. "Angel… You're not well, are you? We should go to sickbay…"

"There's no need…" Moving stiffly, Ggin struggled to the couch, perching herself carefully on the edge of one of its cushions.

"Hey…" Tom almost ran to her side. Seating himself close by her, he tucked an arm around her shoulders and brought her closer to him, settling her head on his shoulder. "What are you going to do?"

"There are others…" Relaxing into her friend's embrace, Ggin tucked her feet under her body and stared out of the viewport at the millions of other beings that lived on worlds far away. "There were four vessels created- four tribes including me… They might help…"

"What do you mean?"

"I've called to them… I hope they heard me…"

"And if they didn't?"

"Then this will be even harder than I could imagine."

^^^^

__

Captain's Log Stardate****

We are currently in orbit around a planet populated by a people known as the Difa with whom we have opened trade negotiations. Although it was ship's morale officer, Neelix who initiated the contact and carried out much of the groundwork, I have sent Commander Chakotay with him to the planet. 

Difan laws prohibit the use of transporters and so the away team has taken one of the shuttles. 

All of this is inspite of the condition of the commander's partner who is expecting their first child. Difficulties are anticipated but both the commander and Ggin are convinced that the arrangement will not interfere greatly with the time they have left and that the commander will return in good time to see his child born.

^^^^

Too far. Her hands pressed against the cool surface of the viewport, Ggin stared out into the nothing. On a planet a shorter distance away, K'Tya was attempting to remain alert and polite to his Difan hosts who plied him and Neelix with endless meals throughout the long and tedious rituals that comprised their welcoming and negotiating ceremonies. Ggin stifled a giggle as she felt him try to hide a yawn behind his raised glass. Then she became serious again. It wouldn't be long now. Just a few short days before her labour started. Not nearly long enough… And so much to do… K'Tya wouldn't be much use to anyone in the aftermath of the birth, that was certain and so she would have to undertake most of the preparations herself.

It had been different last time. Paeni had known what would come- he was Gginzaid, how could he not? Gginzaid males always knew that caring for their children would fall predominately to them. It was the way of things. And the death of the Gginzaid female was always viewed as it should be: a sad event that was comforting in it's inevitability, a necessary death at the end of a long and full life lived serving others.

K'Tya would not see it so. He would torture himself with grief and anguish, shut himself away from the rest of his tribe and shun his child. If that **did** happen then maybe it would be better if whichever tribe came to her aid took the child from him, raised it as Gginzaid…

Her mind reeling with the horror of it all, Ggin slumped to her knees, provoking the stabbing motion of her baby as it moved within her. Sometimes it was best not to fight such a pain. Sometimes it was better to welcome it, curl into it and let it pillow her like the old friend that it was… If nothing else it stopped her thinking about what would come later- after her death, what she could not control…

In silence, a dozen sets of strange eyes glanced from one to the other. Something unexpected was happening. But they were needed, that could not be denied and without hesitation, they changed their direction to follow the call for help.

^^^^

"Angel? Angel what's going on? I thought this wasn't going to happen yet?" Tolli was fussing, his expression pale with fear and the colours that emanated from him speaking of the same panic. Closing her eyes against the image, Ggin wrapped her arms tightly about her belly. 

"I've still time." She muttered her tone tired and unemotional. The wall at her back was cold and unyielding and she wished not for the first time that she were on a Gginzaid ship. "Passing now." She reassured him, forcing her eyes open to stare clearly up at him.

"Jeez… You scared the **hell** out of me!" His head in his hands, Tolli slid down the wall to join her on the floor. "What **was** that? Some sort of contraction?" Ggin blinked in concentration at the unfamiliar word and then nodded hesitantly. "I heard you calling me… I got here as soon as I could… Do you want Chakotay here with you?" She shook her head once, firmly. "But this is going to get worse, right?"

"Yes but he cannot stop that. He needs all his energies for after." Ggin's lips were set into a grim line and she stared blankly at a spot several feet from where they sat.

"What about what we talked about before, the 'others' you spoke of…?"

"Soon."

^^^^

The view from the window Chakotay stood at was quite breathtaking. Not that he would ever have noticed for he stared into the distance as if looking into the black dullness of space instead of a rich and forbidding forest. Miles upward of the Difan homeworld, Elise had ceased passing her thoughts and emotions into his mind over an hour ago and that was unlike her. 

Tom Paris was with her, that much he knew, sitting with her and comforting her as best he could and for that the commander was grateful. Still though, he could sense her need to keep him at arms length, to protect him from what was to come. And not for the first time, Chakotay was reminded of the difference in their ages and outlooks. A difference that usually he welcomed and cherished, found amusing even- her motherly treatment of Paris, Harry Kim and even Tuvok was fascinating to him. But now he was on the receiving end and instead of letting herself lean on him for support in her time of need, it was still **she** who insisted on protecting **him**.

The scuffing sound of Neelix tripping over one of the endless rugs that adorned the ambassadorial suite behind him woke the commander from his reverie and he turned to watch the Talaxian's now more careful progress across the room. 

"Penny for your thoughts commander." Stealing one of Tom Paris' much-loved old Earth phrases, Neelix attempted to break the depressing silence that filled the room.

"Its nothing." Shaking his head faintly, the human returned his attention to the forest scene outside. 

"It's an amazing view, don't you think? Apparently some of those trees are a millennia old… Hardly surprising given their size…" As if to highlight his point, Neelix made a show of staring as far upward as the glass pane would allow him, seeking out the distant treetops with his eyes. "I can see how you might wish to spend time **brooding** here… How is your lady wife?"

"I don't know. She broke our link a while ago." His voice was flat, absent of any sort of panic and this the Talaxian thought odd.

"Well, I must say that you're remarkably calm…" Chakotay shrugged,

"I don't see what good panicking would do… Besides the chances are that she's not letting me feel her presence but is still allowing my consciousness into her own mind. For that reason alone I need to keep my head."

"To do that surely she'd need to be present in your thoughts, can't you **tell** that she's in your mind in that way?"

"Not unless she wants me to- I'm not a telepath."

"Of course…"

"Besides, Tom's with her."

"Oh? Commander doesn't that make you… **uncomfortable**? If you don't mind me asking…. I mean, Tom Paris is a good man and a very dear friend of mine but… He's still… one for the ladies… And he is very close to Ggin…"

"Not like that he's not. She considers him to be almost a child of hers… And she's chosen to keep him at her side… I think he's handling this situation a little better than I am…"

"Commander, my duty as ship's morale officer demands that I stop you from putting yourself down like that! All things considered you've coped **remarkably** well with the circumstances!" Finding himself on ground upon which he could do some good, Neelix stood suddenly straight, his tone taking on the edge of what he hoped to be a knowledgeable advisor.

"I'm not," managing a slight chuckle at his friend's instant concern, Chakotay moved away from the window. "He's always understood her need to do this. Even while I was carrying on like a spoilt child he immediately knew her reasons… He's known her since his childhood…" again the first officer shrugged, "She knows how strong he can be. That he'll be able to handle whatever this 'situation' throws at him. And she can protect him from the truth without any argument from him- I've always wanted to be involved in what I can't be because she's my wife and we're equals. With Tom it's as if he understands that she's doing what is best for him… She's more comfortable in the role of **carer** than **cared for** and she can remain in that role more easily with him."

^^^^

Night. For **these** people, Ggin mused. Propped by the couch front she cradled a large flat stone in her hands. An hour or so earlier- she had no interest in knowing, she had retrieved the thing from a small bundle in K'Tya's closet and now she stared at it as if it held all the answers to all the questions in the universe.

Behind her, Tolli sprawled flat out on the couch, feet hanging over the edge and one arm brushing limply at her shoulder from time to time. His mouth was wide open and a soft murmuring growl escaped with his every breath. The 'contractions' had eased temporarily shortly before she'd retrieved the stone and noting his tired and drawn expression, hidden well to all eyes but her own, she had soothed him into sleep with a Gginzaid-style story. 

Now unhampered by the need to watch over him she was able to relinquish the telepathic 'blackout' that she had enforced between herself and that of her husband. K'Tya also slept now, his own snoring even louder than that of Tolli- even sleeping on his side he kept the Talaxian in the room next to his own awake.

****

They were close now. She could feel their confusion at her situation, concern at the fate of her child. Most importantly she felt their haste to meet her, to care for her, one of their own. Almost. The Tribe she had managed to reach was one her own had not known in generations. And they were so far from her that she still feared they might not reach her in time. 

Deciding that he might want to know a little more about his distant in-laws, Ggin reached out into her husband's mind to begin her story.

^^^^

In the uncomfortable Difan bed he lay in, Chakotay slipped into a deep sleep, a myriad of festive but muted colours flooding his unconscious mind, shaking him from the dream he was about to enter, one of warped reviews of the day before, to save it for another time. Instead he found himself among familiar forms that he knew to be Gginzaid. A short distance away he could feel the powerful yet gentle presence of several Gginzaid Ships like that he'd witnessed dying a short while ago. Refusing to let themselves be troubled by all that went on around them, the Ships waited patiently. And in a brief moment of lucid dreaming, Chakotay thought that the ships seemed like grazing sheep letting nothing deter them from their task and trusting in their guides and keepers, the Gginzaid to protect them from the troubles that loomed.

The Gginzaid were no longer with their own Guardians, this was the moment that they chose to leave the care of the omnipotent race that had rescued them from what were only known as the Others. 

Mingling together the Gginzaid appeared to be saying farewells before they split into groups of twenty or so. One by one and now 'manned' by a Gginzaid crew- of sorts, the Ships left in countless different directions, each seeking a way to continue with their care for others without drawing too much attention from those they helped.

^^^^

When he awoke, Chakotay recalled more and more of his dream. He found himself remembering a hostile and war-hungry race capturing one of the ships in the hope of using the telepathic Gginzaid for their own ends. As if in defiance, the Gginzaid had killed themselves, shutting down their lungs as he had seen his wife's do in previous flashbacks.

Another Tribe ended similarly and the rest had simply continued with their journey, out of 'range' to be remembered only in the names and stories passed down through the Gginzaid generations during each Rite.

Elise had severed their link once more, only letting him feel her presence when he was asleep. This way he knew that her labour was continuing and that she was in pain. Staring into his reflection in the mirror of the washroom in his room on the Difan homeworld, his arms elbow deep in the warm soapy water that filled the sink before him Chakotay wondered how his life had come to this.

^^^^

Tolli, wake up. 

Rubbing furiously at eyes heavy and sore with too little sleep, Paris forced himself into a sitting position on the couch he was sprawled on. His jacket had been removed at some point and was draped over the arm of a nearby chair, his boots neatly placed on the floor below. A thin blanket had been pulled over him and tucked around his sleeping body and now awake, Tom struggled free of it. Angel stood at the window, her back to him and now free of the blanket he staggered over to join her. They'll be here soon. 

"Who?" 

"The other Tribe." He noticed that her face was paler and more drawn than he'd seen for a long time, the inked-in markings that adorned it now even more prominent.

"Are you going to go with them? What about Chakotay?" she was shaking her head sadly,

"There's still time."

"So… What now?" As if in answer a shape appeared in the distance and from the viewport Tom could see that the shape was almost identical to the creature she had introduced as her Tribe's ship a few months ago. "That must have appeared on the ship's sensors…" Suddenly nervous, Tom hurried over to his jacket where he pressed the comm badge fixed to it. "Paris to the bridge… Have you picked up a shape off our port side?"

"Affirmative." Tuvok's voice was brisk, "The 'object' matches templates of the Gginzaid vessel we encountered on Stardate…."

"Yeah… It's here for Angel- Ggin…" Glancing up briefly Paris noticed that Angel's position at the window hand't changed but that she was mumbling something, her eyes fixed on the ship outside. "Standby…. Angel, how long 'til they get here?"

"Not long…" her voice distant, as childlike as always, Ggin moved slowly from her place at the window to take his hand, lead him to the couch where they sat, him following her lead and allowing himself to be held loosely in her arms. "Let me tell you a story." She'd learnt the meaning of the word 'story' a while ago and found that it fitted the synopses her people were fond of retelling one another: stories, Gginzaid-style.

^^^^

__

When you were a child, everything seemed so huge to you. You grew so tired of looking **up** at things and people, you used to wonder what it might be like to look **down** at them and you imagined that when that happened you would be incredibly old and **wise**.

You afraid of so much when I first knew you but you hid it all behind false bravado- you were quite the actor…

Tom found himself in the hallway of his parents' house. It was dark in the kitchen and he hovered in the doorway, not wanting to leave the light of the hall. Upstairs water was running into the bath and he could hear one of his sisters singing in the bathroom. His father had locked himself away in his study and his mother was in the living room, next to the kitchen he now stood on the threshold of. Too embarrassed to admit his fear of the dark to anyone, not even his mother, he returned to his bedroom thirsty and tried to sleep.

^^^^

Tom's eyes snapped open at the sound of his comm badge bleeping and Tuvok's voice informing him that an unauthorised transport had taken place between Voyager and the Gginzaid vessel. Quickly he looked around him, there was no sign of Angel and he ran to the viewport in time to see the Gginzaid ship retreating at an impossible speed.

^^^^

When Neelix arrived in the shared day area of his and Chakotay's quarters on the Difan homeworld, he found the man still stood at the window as if he had not moved at all in the previous night. Moving closer he noted that the commander was unshaven and that heavy dark circles had formed around his eyes, making him look older than normal.

"She's gone. They've taken her."

"I don't understand commander…"

"We have to leave…" With surprising speed the human moved away from the window to gather his belongings together, "Get packed. I want us on the shuttle five minutes ago."

Nodding frantically Neelix hurried to do as he was told and within a few minutes they were onboard their shuttle. As soon as they were within range, Neelix sent a message to Voyager.

"Mr. Neelix," The captain's calm, clipped tones were oddly reassuring to the Talaxian and he found himself relaxing into his seat.

"Captain, the commander seems to be under the **impression** that Ggin has been 'taken' from Voyager… he had us pack up and head back straight away… I've tried to convince him that he is mistaken but-"

"Neelix. There's no mistake, A ship not dissimilar to her own one appeared off our port side about an hour ago and at around the same time, Ggin was transported from Voyager… Tom Paris was with her shortly before she left-" At that moment a mostly silent first officer cut in, 

"Paris? Where is he?"

"I'm right here Chakotay. I think I was asleep when it happened… You **know** she wasn't abducted- that she **wanted** to go… I've been waiting for you to contact us. Let me swap places with Neelix and then we can follow the ship… She'll want you there but this Tribe she's with are less trusting than most Gginzaid and they won't take kindly to being followed by a ship as big as Voyager."

"Alright," Chakotay nodded, almost numbly and turned to Neelix, "Get ready to transport back to Voyager."

"I'm ready now commander…. I'm sure it'll all work out in the end…"

"Thank you Neelix." It was all Chakotay could do not to hit out at his well-meaning companion but fortunately the Talaxian didn't seem to notice the tightening of the first officer's jaw nor his dismissive wave and he shimmered out of view safe in the knowledge that his words had brought comfort to his friend.

^^^^

__

Home at last. Well almost. In cool yet crowded surroundings Ggin let her guard down just a little. Here she could reach out, let others care for her, take her pain away, and she did. Watchful and loving eyes held her in their gaze and she let her own fall shut as she reclined into the strong arms of her own people, another of her people's ships.

K'Tya was not far off and dew closer at every breath as Tolli brought him to her. Whether he reached her in time was not within her control and she could not dwell on his absence but she found herself wishing that he **was** there to hold her, wait with her…

^^^^

"How was she?" The only sound in the small shuttle cabin until that moment had been the hum of the ship's engines and the rhythmic sighing of it's occupants' breathing. Now Tom turned slightly in the pilot's chair to face his questioner. 

"She was… **managing**…"

"That's why she cut herself off from me… She didn't want me to have to cope with it…"

"Commander… It's not that she doesn't think you're up to it… I think that maybe you're **too** strong… She's used to being the strong one away from her own people… I don't think she knows **how** to rely on anyone else… The whole time I was with her **she** looked after **me**! Crazy, isn't it?"

"I don't know…"

"Chakotay, it'll be okay- I know it will."

"How can it be? She's going to **die**"

"I know… But it's what she **wants**…"

^^^^

__

Not long now. All around her, figures knelt, two holding her hands, others brushing the sweat from her brow. Strangely she felt that she was floating, there wasn't much pain now, the Others had taken care of that, just by peering at their tightly strained expressions she could tell that they were sharing it amongst themselves. 

Deep inside her she could feel the new life struggling, fighting **her** for life. She didn't know why he bothered, for to her it was all a forgone conclusion, she would give up her life for him and that was an end to it.

^^^^

"We're almost there." Tom frowned at the controls before him. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Chakotay sitting slumped in his own chair, staring into the distance and wearing an expression of defeat- something the pilot had never seen before. "She um… she talked about you a lot y'know… When she wasn't trying to comfort **me**… When she wasn't telling me stories about **me** and what **I** was like when I was a child, she told me about **you**… She thinks she's doing what's best for you…"

"Tom… Give up… This isn't helping… The fact is that she **wants** to die… And I'm not enough to make her want to *live*…" Shifting in his chair to relieve muscles that he hadn't realised were cramped, the older man turned to face him.

"Chakotay, I-"

"Paris… I can feel her… " He was suddenly upright, on the edge of his seat, "How do we get onboard?"

"I don't know… I guess they know you're here… Maybe we wait…"

^^^^

__

Let him in… Something squeezed her hand gently, questioningly, 'There's nothing he can do… Why involve him in matters he has no understanding of…'

Pain… Shutting out all thought from her mind, Ggin focused on the sensations that ripped through her body. This was what she had been waiting for, ever since she became pregnant with her first child. Now it felt as if **both** were somehow being born at the same time, forcing their way out- one from her womb, the other from beyond the grave…

Breathing was becoming harder now as the baby inside her fought her for the air in her lungs; the blood that flowed through her veins redirected itself to feed the new life inside her.

^^^^

The cavernous hallways that made up the interior of the Gginzaid ship were all but deserted when Chakotay found himself transported there suddenly. In the distance he could hear pattering footsteps and hurriedly he followed them. Somewhere in his mind he could feel Elise, her voice, childlike as always no longer cried out in pain, it was peaceful now, softly whispering as if in sleep.

"Where is she?" Reaching out, he grabbed at the arm of the first individual he came to, an elderly looking male who turned to him with confused eyes. 

These creatures were strange- this new **Tribe** she had chosen as her own. This alien could not care for her, understand her, and yet she still insisted on having him near her, insisted that he raise her child…

You're too late. It is of no matter. You have a child now. The Gginzaid male spoke directly into Chakotay's mind and for a moment the human was unsure if he had heard actual words or if he had merely felt the meaning behind them and added his own translation to them. Then he realised that he didn't care.

"She's still alive. I can feel her. Take me to her."

"Why? You've a **child** to care for now. Responsibilities! Take your child and go, leave! Leave the dead behind you!" The male **was** using real words, Chakotay's **own** language but the human hardly cared about that. A few rooms away, Elise was waiting for him and suddenly that was all he cared about. With that thought in mind, he pushed past the old man and hurried on his way.

He found her. 

The chamber she lay in was eerily silent and for a moment he was reminded of the time he found her in that **other** Gginzaid ship. This time however, she didn't wake up when he approached her, instead she remained pale and lifeless. Stifling a sob, Chakotay moved to sit beside her, taking her hand in his own. When this still failed to rouse her, he lay back on the ship's soft floor beside her, moulding his own body to the contours of hers, willing her to wake up.

^^^^

Having given up pacing the small shuttle's cabin, Paris fell back into his chair. It was approximately fifteen minutes since Voyager's first officer disappeared from his chair, presumably onto the Gginzaid ship that hovered nearby. He couldn't feel her anymore and that was worrying. It might have meant that she was shutting him out because she had no need of him whilst her husband was with her. Then again it might mean… But he couldn't bear to think of the alternatives… 

I'm never going to leave you Tolli… the memory of her promise was still fresh in his mind and silently he prayed that she kept that promise. Even though there seemed to him no earthly way in which she could. Gginzaid did not believe in an afterlife- they had no concept of it. In Angel's opinion, she would live, serve others and then die. He himself had never, until then thought about what **he** believed but it didn't seem to matter for if **she** didn't believe in one then how could he **hope**…

There was a child though. And Tom felt that he could take some comfort in that, even if that child's own father could not.

^^^^

He'd been here before. All around him a gentle breeze stirred the tall grasses and even taller trees that surrounded this place. The air was cool and yet he still felt warmth from the sun on his face as he lay gazing upward at the trees above. The ground beneath him was hard but his head rested on a softer surface and he forced his eyes to focus on the face a few centimetres away from his own. 

Another breeze lifted a few locks of hair from her face and half-smiling; Elise looked upward at the huge tree that shaded them from the sun. 

Don't go. He wasn't aware that he had spoken until she responded by looking back down at him and squeezing the hand that had suddenly captured her own.

I don't have much choice! Her voice was almost scolding but the gentle smile on her face softened her words. It's almost time. 

Elise…Why? 

You **know** why… We've a **child** now and you'll bring him up well… He's half human and he **needs** you…

The wind was growing stronger now and Elise brushed her hands over her husband's face, soothing him, Sleep. Rest now, you've a long day ahead of you…

^^^^

Her body was cold now and yet Chakotay felt that he couldn't leave her. So he stayed as he was, his arms wrapped around her frame, still rounded from her pregnancy and pressed his face into the juncture between her neck and shoulder.

Let her go now. There is nothing left here for you. The elderly Gginzaid appeared in Chakotay's peripheral vision. Her body will remain here… Take your child and leave. Chakotay noticed that the male held a tiny bundle in his arms, moved to offer it to him. He ignored him and hugged his wife's body tighter to his own. 

"Take it **away**. I don't want anything to do with it…"

^^^^

Tom woke suddenly when he felt gentle fingers stroke his cheek, "Angel?" Violet eyes stared into his own and he started as he focused on an unfamiliar face: male, elderly. Beside the elderly Gginzaid, Chakotay stood rather stiffly, his face red from crying. 

This is for you… He **needs** a father. The elderly man was pressing something into Tom's arms and looking down, he found innocent eyes boring into his own.

"Com- Chakotay, is this your…" Attempting to draw the older man into the equation, Tom noticed that the commander refused to meet his own gaze, nor look on the child he now held in his arms. "Chakotay, this is your **son**!"

"We should head back to Voyager. The Gginzaid wish to be on their way as quickly as possible…" Ignoring the pilot, Chakotay sat himself in his seat and turned to the control panel. 

^^^^

Voyager's shuttle bay seemed oddly crowded when Paris stepped off of the shuttle with some difficulty. Chakotay had piloted their vessel back, leaving Tom to hold the baby. Now the older man shouldered his way past Captain Janeway and Harry Kim with little more than a nod and disappeared out of the bay. 

"Hello captain…" Tom approached his captain a little more slowly, his expression cautious and his gait hesitant.

"I take it that Ggin didn't make it…" Her gaze drawn to the bundle in her pilot's arms, Kathryn bit back any threatening tears.

"I think we all knew she wouldn't… Chakotay's taking it kind of hard… Um… one of the Gginzaid handed their kid to me… Chakotay wouldn't take him…"

"Well, maybe he needs a little more time…" 

"Yeah, maybe…"

^^^^

__

Tom Paris' Personal Log, Stardate****

It's three days since Angel died. Chakotay's stayed well away from Ki'na- I'm not sure that he's ever going to acknowledge him. 

Last night I dreamed about her. I was a kid again and she was watching me playing at being a world war flying ace! She had that funny half smile on her face, just like always and every now and then she'd reach out to muss my hair and stroke my face. I guess she was right, she **won't** ever leave me. All I have to do is **remember** her and suddenly she's right there! And of course, I have Ki'na here to remind me…

I guess this is what it feels like to lose a parent and god knows I was closer to her than to either of my parents… 

She got what she wanted in the end and that's what's important… When we first found her, maybe we should have left her alone, but we didn't. Like the **explorers** and **scientists** that we are, we **had** to meddle… But it's all been put right now. 

Chakotay was wrong to think that he could make her want to live. No one can do that. But she **did** love him with all her heart and that's why she gave him a child… Trouble is, I don't think he's going to see that any time soon….

^^^^

This bed seemed so **huge** now without her wriggling about and elbowing him in the ribs as he tried to sleep. He couldn't hear her giggling at his tired grumping nor her clumsiness as she wandered around their living quarters fetching yet another drink. No spiderlike fingers whispered across his face, mapping his features and no loving thoughts pressed their way into his drowsy mind, interfering with his dreams. 

A few floors from here, a child lay wide awake, it's eyes blinking up at a ceiling too far and cold for him to focus on. And yet Chakotay closed his mind to the confused stumbling thoughts of the infant and forced himself into sleep.

Hours later cool fingertips trailed over his closed eyelids, brushing over his cheekbones to trace the outline of his lips. A hand took his and opened the palm to draw a line across its middle with an index finger. Somewhere in his sleep-addled mind, Chakotay remembered Elise laying beside him, talking to him in conspiratorial whispers as she held up one hand for his inspection. 

This was the first… With one finger she pointed out a heavy scar that bisected her palm. It is in memory of my mother, drawn by my father shortly after my birth. All Gginzaid have one. It is the most important for when we are born we take our mother's life as our own- they die so that we can live. And this is my sacrifice to her. The first pain a Gginzaid child knows is that of her father's grief…

Still fogged with sleep, Chakotay stumbled from his bed and somehow found himself in the nursery, the knife he'd seen his late wife use to cut at her skin held loosely in his hand. 

^^^^

When Tom Paris arrived in the makeshift nursery the next morning he found blood drying on the sheets of the tiny cot. Panic seizing him, he lifted the unconscious child into his arms. Across the infant's tiny palm was an already healing scratch into which a deep blue dye had been poured.

Jeez… Who did this? Huh? 

As if woken by his carrier's outrage, the infant woke up, opening his mouth wide in a yawn. This place was strange, completely unlike the place he'd born into. But something was familiar to him now and he found that he could remember a voice that sang to him. This was new for until a short while ago there had been nothing. Then there had been pain… And now he knew…

"I guess Chakotay did this… Well maybe it's a **good** sign…" The man that held him was muttering as he wiped at the source of the pain with something wet. "Well, I guess maybe I should stick with you until he comes to his senses **completely** huh?" The child didn't mind this man, trusted his voice and the feelings behind it. Safety made the child close his eyes again, fall back into sleep. 

Satisfied that the infant was none the worse for his 'injury', Tom sat himself in a chair under the viewscreen that dominated the room and watched Angel's child slip further into sleep.

Outside the viewport, countless stars disappeared in Voyager's wake and planets and people's her crew would never know vanished before they could even appear. 

__ ****

Chapter Five: Full Circle

The tiny shuttle rocked with the phaser fire that skimmed its port engine, resuming its course instantly as if nothing had hit it at all. The scene onboard however told a different story. The unmoving body of a Vulcan male filled the minute floor space, his face burnt and bloody beyond recognition from the explosion at his console. The fire was quickly put out by a young woman who motioned to the ship's pilot to pay no heed to the drama and to concentrate on getting the ship's crew to the necessary co-ordinates. 

"How long do we have?"

"Not nearly long enough. We're losing power from the port engine and we're still twenty minutes from the transfer point." The pilot- a Talaxian, spoke in clipped tones, his attention still clearly devoted to the task of flying the battered vessel to its destination. Once, long ago the creature would have found time to sigh dramatically and launch into a tale about a not dissimilar situation he'd once found himself in. Now though his mouth was set into an almost permanent grimace, his brow creased and his voice gruff. 

"I see." His unofficial captain drummed for a moment on the console she now leant on as, her own frown deepening she weighed up the options. "Any suggestions?" she turned to face the pilot.

"Besides leaving him there and getting out of here, which isn't really an option…no."

"Indeed. We have to stop him before he does any more damage…"

"I can get us there, but we'll be followed all the way. I can wait until the transfer takes place then set this ship for autodestruct, try and take those bastards with me…"

The woman chewed nervously on her lower lip, "If you're sure…but wait until we get back. I shouldn't be gone more than a few seconds real time- can you hold off that long?"

"I can try. I'd rather we all went out together if at all." For a moment the woman spied Voyager's old morale officer lurking behind the grim mask that now covered the Talaxian's every thought and emotion- a mask forged by grief, despair and pain- the same mask she herself wore.

"I'll find him." She nodded once, firmly. "Bring him back to the fold. If I can't find a way to stop him though…"

Understanding flashed in the pilot's eyes and he also gave a sharp nod, "He's a child, he doesn't understand what he's doing…what damage he could cause…"

"Nor do I…" she murmured, then added, as they neared the transfer point and she prepared herself, "Whatever it takes…But I want them to be able to choose…"

"I know. But I think we both know that the crew will make the 'right' choice, no matter how little we want them to."

Stooping down, she brushed a lock of singed hair off the face of the dead Vulcan at her feet, "Vina, I am marked in **your** name, though never spoken will not be forgotten." Removing a tiny knife, stained with ink from her pocket she made a sharp slice across her inner arm. Then she stood, pocketing the blade. 

Another explosion rocked the tiny shuttle,

"Starboard engines are failing." Neelix shouted, "Hurry, we don't have much time."

Silently she pulled a scarf over her head, obscuring all but her eyes.

"Do it. Now."

"Energising"

Another explosion and the console behind the woman burst into flames, several panels from the ceiling falling onto her as a liquid vortex expanded from a tiny point to completely envelop her.

^^^^

_Captain's Personal Log. Stardate****_

Life onboard Voyager is about as normal as it's ever been. Now into the fifth year of our journey, many crewmembers have started to pick up their lives, entering into relationships with other crewmembers. I myself still do not consider it appropriate for the captain to admit to the possibility of our never making it home by doing the same… And even if I did I hardly think it would be a good idea to enter into a sexual relationship with a subordinate crewmember… 

Some crewmembers even have children now! One such being the commander who is still finding single parenthood to be a strain. His son is now about six months old and Chakotay leaves the infant in the care of others as much as possible. It's obvious to everyone that he finds the child a painful reminder of his wife- Ggin. But he is not coping very well with his grief and I worry that the distance he has put between himself and the child is proving to be detrimental to the boy's development. Gginzaid children are always brought up by their fathers and although the child is half human he still needs a paternal figure.

Other members of the command team have played a large part in the child's upbringing, myself included and he is a wonderful child- as innocent and perceptive as his late mother, he shares her sweetness and serenity combined with his father's stubborn streak! I wish Chakotay would spend some time with his son, he would I'm sure find these similarities a comfort to him but as it is, Lt Paris has been more of a father to him…

^^^^

"All quiet on the delta quadrant front, Tuvok?" Lt Paris drawled, leaning casually on his comrade's console, a grin creeping over his features. The Vulcan raised one arched eyebrow, managing to look down his nose at the human without even trying to.

"If, by that you are enquiring as to whether there have been any difficulties or developments during this duty shift that might affect your own, then no." Outdone, Paris sighed and sauntered over to the helm to relieve Ensign Bateheart. 

Life onboard the lost starship Voyager had been particularly quiet of late. No strangely inhabited planets to explore, no attacks by aggressive alien ships, no baffling diseases had struck down the ship's crew and no traitors had been flushed out. Aside from the death of Commander Chakotay's wife and the birth of their son; it had been a pretty quiet time.

Paris still found himself thinking about the Ggin female when he least expected to and had taken to spending a vast amount of time with the child she had left them in an effort to feel closer to his old friend. The fact that another man was caring for his son did not appear to bother the Commander, which was surprising, given that Paris and he could hardly be described as the best of friends… But that was the way it was and Tom was glad of the simple company that the infant brought- the endless schedule of nappy-changing, feeding and rocking to sleep served to tune out the sorrow and grief caused by the death of the child's mother. And at play, the child grew more and more like her by the day.

^^^^

The shift was guaranteed to pass without incident and after aeons of shifts passed in just that way, what Paris and many of the others felt they could do with right now was an 'incident'. Through the large viewer directly ahead of where Voyager's pilot sat at the helm, the vast and empty expanse of untroubled and peaceful space stretched out before him. If he didn't know any better, he'd swear that the stars looked a little smug today….

"Commander, I'm picking up some sort of interference…" Harry Kim glanced up from his controls.

"Try to localise it." Chakotay barely looked up from where he slumped, one hand propping a slightly bored looking chin.

"I'm having a little trouble with it… It's not in just one place, it's everywhere…" Sighing to himself, the commander climbed heavily to his feet and moved to peer over the ensign's shoulder at the ops station. Paris found himself closely regarding his own monitor, watching as a dark mass enveloped the whole screen, scrambling the ships sensors and disrupting the engines- navigating the huge ship was becoming sluggish, the helm controls taking twice as long to respond to the Lt's touch as was usual. 

^^^^

The mass continued to grow for several more seconds, long enough for the Captain to emerge from her ready room and Torres to comm the bridge from engineering to report problems with most critical systems. Then, without warning, the mass narrowed to a tiny point centred somewhere deep within the ship, causing her to lurch suddenly, throwing most of the bridge crew to the floor. Paris managed to hang on to the edge of his console and remain sitting, but only just. A loud bump and a frustrated groan told him that his two senior officers hadn't been so lucky.

The turbulence came to a sudden halt and Voyager resumed her normal flying behaviour and responsiveness equally as suddenly, her crew brushing themselves off and helping one another to their feet.

"What was that…?" Janeway was fighting to smooth back her hair even as she struggled into her seat, not trusting her own legs for the time being.

"Captain, the phenomenon localised itself somewhere on deck 12. I am unable to pinpoint it exactly as the ship's sensors are not currently functioning properly." Tuvok's left eyebrow fought a quick battle with its twin to decide which was going to brush his hairline this time, and lost.

"Then I suggest you take a team down there to investigate." Janeway had trouble not snapping at the Vulcan "Commander, would you go also…"

"Of course…" Strange, inspite of the drama of the past few moments, Chakotay still sounded like he'd just been roused from some deep blue funk… He was, Paris noted, still not quite **with** the rest of them… Hadn't been since….

^^^^

The corridor was in near darkness- the result of a power failure according to Tuvok, flatly stating the obvious in that typically Vulcan way of his. Their tricorders wielded before them, the Security Chief and Commander moved wordlessly through the blackness, groping blindly with nervous hands. A thud and a click behind them signalled that one of the security team had found the power conduit and had now busied himself with restoring light to the area.

"I am picking up a lifesign." Tuvok's voice continued, dispassionate and coldly distant in the gloom.

"That's not possible." Chakotay replied, staring in disbelief at his own tricorder 

"Nevertheless, unless my tricorder is not functioning and I happen to know that it is since I took the liberty of performing a diagnostic upon all of our equipment en route in the turbolift, these readings are correct and show a living humanoid to be contained within this space with us."

"Alright, lets split up." Not wanting to dwell on the Chief's annoying habit of being right all of the time, Chakotay signalled for the group to head off in various different directions, their tricorders at maximum and phasers set on stun.

Holding his breath, Chakotay concentrated on placing one foot in front of the other, using his tricorder to guide him. When the machinery proved to be of little further use, telling him that there **was** another lifeform onboard but not who or where, he decided to resort to slightly less conventional methods. Closing his eyes he listened hard for the faintest sounds and soon, sure enough he became aware of the sound of heavy, exhausted breathing. Whoever it was knew he was there for the breathing became more laboured and more desperate with each passing second.

The sound was coming from below him and as slowly as he could the commander moved to crouch down, finally coming to a halt only feet away from his quarry.

"It's alright, I won't hurt you…" he whispered soothingly, aware that right now he was just one big sitting target if his companion chose to attack. "I just want to help you…"

"Ch- Chakotay?" the voice, a harsh whisper, was oddly familiar- a male one, human, not deeply pitched, it was soft and lilting, filled with fear.

"How do you know me…?" Chakotay thought he covered his shock well and inched a little closer.

"Are we on Voyager?" the voice was still hesitant, as if frightened at what the answer might be

"Ye-es. Yes we are…"

"W-what year is it?" the voice became a little bolder, although still little more than a murmur and Chakotay realised whom it belonged to. Playing along, although he didn't know why, he answered the man. "Oh thank god…" the voice was sobbing now and it's owner suddenly crawled into Chakotay's arms, "I'm home… I can't believe I'm finally home…"

A flickering of the lights above and power was restored to the corridor, allowing Chakotay to confirm the identity of the man now sobbing on his shoulder: Tom Paris?

^^^^

Sickbay was, the holodoctor considered to himself, a little **too** crowded for his liking and so he immediately set to glaring at some of the people who repeatedly got under his feet. Tuvok moved to keep station at the door and the Captain and Commander also shuffled back from the biobed, Chakotay propelling Voyager's pilot away with them by one arm leaving the doctor with just enough elbowroom to work in.

"The DNA tests confirm it. That man **is** Thomas Eugene Paris." The doctor stated flatly, using the end of medical instrument to point at the motionless figure in the biobed. "I've compared my examination findings with **our** Tom Paris' medical file and there are **some** small differences. Specifically several mended fractures, a removed spleen and excessive dopamine transmitter activity in the brain."

"Doctor, I'm a little rusty on human chemistry," Chakotay sighed, tiredly pinching the bridge of his nose, "What does that mean?"

"He's schizophrenic." Paris murmured, panicked grey eyes never leaving his doppelganger in the bed before him.

"Exactly." The doctor confirmed. "The…patient…also shows elevated blood alcohol levels and several other non-organic substances including some narcotics: he's a drug addict. Obviously he is not **our** Tom Paris."

"Well then whose is he? And where did he come from?"

"Commander, I am a doctor. Not an engineer. The sedative I gave him on his arrival here won't wear off for several hours yet- not until I've purged his system of those substances I mentioned earlier. I'll inform you when he does come around." His hint dropped, the EMH turned his back on his audience, picked up a tricorder and went to work on his patient.

^^^^

"Well?" Chakotay tried to keep the apprehension out of his tone as he approached Torres' workstation. The Klingon was frowning from the datapad in one hand to the one in her other, letting her breaths fall in frustrated puffs.

"Spatial anomaly." She snapped before visibly relaxing a little and shrugging at her senior officer in something akin to an apology. 

"Well, I'd gathered **that** lieutenant…" her commander smiled ruefully before nodding in the direction of Harry Kim and Seven of Nine who were stood a short distance away, staring at a computer monitor. "What do the others think?"

"Harry and Seven think its some sort of fissure in the space-time continuum- like a wormhole- or it was. Whatever it was it closed almost as soon as it had deposited Tom's… double. There's still a trace- like a tiny scar in the continuum but I don't know how we can reopen it from this end."

"Well is it likely to pose a threat to this ship?"

"That's the thing, at this point we just don't know enough about it. We don't know what's at the other side of it, where it originated- from the past or from the future. We don't know if it's naturally occurring or what…. "

^^^^

Groggy eyes blinking up at the ceiling, Tom Paris flicked his tongue over dry lips and coughed weakly to clear his throat. Still unshaven but now dressed in blue sickbay pyjamas instead of the grimy and spattered clothing he had arrived in, Paris looked a little more like the holodoctor thought he should. His hair was a little longer than Starfleet regulations allowed; it curled around his ears and skimmed the neck of the pyjamas. 

"How are you feeling?" the EMH moved to hover over his patient, running a tricorder over the man as he spoke. 

"Okay I guess…" Paris croaked, propping himself up on his elbows and rubbing his hand over his face as he tried to wake up a little.

"You are no doubt feeling a little drowsy. While you were unconscious I took the liberty of purging your body of the synthetic substances you ingested. You have undergone 'cold turkey'. The only medication you are permitted to take will be drugs to reverse the chemical imbalance that has resulted in your schizophrenia."

"That stuff makes me feel funny- like I'm wading through thick custard. The other stuff stops that…" 

"I doubt that. Anyway, your arrival here has caused quite a stir. The Captain has asked to be informed when you awoke." He noticed that his patient's eyes lit up at the mention of the captain, "If you feel sufficiently rested I'll inform her."

Paris lay back on the bed and took a few deep breaths, his mind working on overdrive. He was home…finally, sort of… Something didn't feel right but soon the captain would be here and then he could explain… make things right. He'd seen Chakotay already, although briefly and he wondered where the rest of them were. According to the date the commander had given him, he'd made it back to the right time- Voyager was still in the delta quadrant and had not yet encountered the Gralst, the race that had almost destroyed the Voyager of his time. He still remembered the day the ship had limped painstakingly slowly toward the wormhole that had returned them to the alpha quadrant. Inspite of the hell of those last days in the delta quadrant, spent fighting an enemy that showed no signs of honour, fatigue or retreat; Those last, miserable days were still an altogether more pleasant memory than the alpha quadrant he had left behind… 

^^^^

The soft 'shush' of the sickbay doors opening signalled the arrival of Voyager's captain and first officer and Paris hastily moved to sit up, regretting it when his brain decided to smash itself against the inside of his skull a couple of times in protest. 

"H-hello captain, Chakotay…" he whispered, amazed to see them both again, it had been **so** long…

The captain gave a curt nod and stood a few paces away. Chakotay moved to stand behind her and to her right- his typical position: Imposing enough to make his presence felt, close enough to reassure himself that should this strangely familiar man lying in the biobed choose to attack, that he could protect his senior officer. 

Paris was flummoxed for a moment, then realised that this was not **his** Voyager, not really and that somewhere on board there was another, younger Tom Paris whose presence, prone on a biobed would elicit Janeway's mothering instinct. **He** was a stranger to them even if **they** were friends, family and loved ones to him.

"You want to know who I am and what I'm doing here." He murmured, looking from one to the other. They both looked so… **young**, Chakotay in particular… Janeway he'd last seen on Voyager but the commander he'd spent a lot longer with in the alpha quadrant and he could scarcely recall the man looking this youthful in a very long time...

Both officers nodded slowly, their watchful gaze never leaving him. "I'm from the alpha quadrant… and your future… I came back to warn you-"

"Wait a minute," Janeway held up one hand to silence him and started to pace, the held up hand now rejoining it's twin, clasped behind her back. "The anomaly that brought you here really **is** a fissure in time and you've used it to travel **back** in time…Do you have any idea what sort of **damage** that could do? Your presence here could dramatically change history…"

"Captain, that was my intention." Paris struggled again to sit up and was once again beaten back by the headache from hell. He settled for rolling over onto his side and propping his poor head up on one elbow so that he could at least watch the woman's progress across the room and back again. "Like I said, I came here to warn you-"

"Stop right there!" Her pacing ended abruptly and she stormed over to stand only inches away, her eyes flashing in anger and her mouth snaking into a grim line. "I don't want to hear another word! I won't hear anything that might change the course of history. 

'This is what is going to happen: We are going to find a way to send you back to your own time. In the meantime you will not speak to anyone- I won't have you trying to influence members of this crew. Commander, I want him confined to sickbay." Her expression still furious, she turned on her heel and marched out of sickbay, leaving her second to murmur "Yes Ma'am" half to himself.

"Chakotay…" Paris sat up, this time ignoring the searing pain in his head as he sought to make a connection with the man still standing before him. Chakotay hadn't left with the captain, he'd stayed- hesitated and maybe there was a chance of the man listening to what he had to say.

"I'm sorry," Chakotay whispered, sadness evident both in his voice and his demeanour, "But the captain is right. We'll do everything we can to get you back."

"Why?" Paris was aware that his voice had raised and he approached the first officer, standing just close enough to violate the bigger man's personal space "I don't have anything to go back to… in my time there's nothing, no one…You're all dead!" Chakotay flinched but Paris scarcely noticed. "God, it's been **so** long… The last time I saw you was in prison… You were one of the last to die… There's only a handful of us left- just me and Vorik, Neelix, Seven and Angel-"

"What?" Chakotay's voice dropped to a shocked whisper, his expression incredulous, 

"Ggin's dead… She died six months ago…"

"What?" Paris mimicked the other man without even realising it and began to quickly back away as panic set in. "But she… She's alive in my time… how did she die here?"

"Sh-she chose to have a child… She didn't survive the birth." Chakotay forced the words out, brow creasing with the effort and pain instilled by their meaning.

"That's not right…" Paris was rubbing one side of his head, mussing the already untidy hair even more as he continued to back away, his steps growing less balanced as the effort of standing became suddenly too much. There was a strange buzzing in his ears that he instantly recognised… The voices were back, whispering deep inside his mind. "She doesn't have a child… You're lying to me!" he suddenly shrieked, the realisation returning a little of his strength- just enough to force him toward the commander, grabbing his collar and shouting at him. "Let me see her- she'll listen to me…"

"You can't see her…" Chakotay managed to keep his voice calm although he was unable to break the younger man's grip on the front of his uniform. "I told you, she died six months-"

"Liar!" Paris screamed, "You just don't want me to go near her in case she listens to me, **believes** me. She always does and you can't **stand** that!"

"Paris, I'm not lying. I've no reason to. Elise- my **wife** died giving birth to our son six months ago." His voice was shaky but noticing that Paris was starting to relent, he kept his tone level. "Please don't make me repeat it…I'm not sure that I can…" Paris let go of the commander's collar and dropped to the floor, clutching his head in an attempt at keeping the whispering at bay,

"Then… I'm in the wrong place…Oh god…" It was obviously too much for the man because he suddenly started to cry, his sobbing wails resounding off of the sickbay walls and bringing the holodoctor running. 

As Chakotay left the room, the last thing he saw was Paris curled up on the floor, screaming and begging for the noise to stop.

^^^^

"Tom?" Voyager's impromptu nursery was in near darkness when Torres, newly off shift, entered. In the gloom she could just make out Lt Paris' form as he lay under the window, a baby fast asleep on his chest and his face turned to the stars outside. Smirking to herself, she approached, kneeling on the carpet beside him. "You still with us? Or are you planning on following your alter-ego into the future…"

"Hm? Oh hey, you okay?" his voice was drowsy and his eyelids were drooping a little with the need for sleep as he turned his head to face her.

"I was about to ask you the same thing… We had a date, remember?"

"We did? Oh yeah… I'm sorry, I forgot… Truth is I came straight here as soon as my duty shift ended…"

"Tom…cute as he is, don't you think you're taking this parenthood thing a little seriously?" here she reached out to stroke the still sleeping baby's cheek and was rewarded by a snuffling sound and the child slowly opened his eyes briefly before falling back into sleep. "I know that Chakotay hasn't exactly taken to his responsibilities but that doesn't mean the task automatically falls to you."

"Then who does it fall to?" Tom tightened his hold on the infant a little but apart from that, his position remained unchanged. "He **needs** parents. Chakotay is in no real state to be a father to him and Angel…"

"I know you two were close… And I know you still miss her- we all do. But you can't just put your life- **our** life on hold…"

"Is that what this is about?" He struggled to get to his feet without waking the child whom he gently placed in a crib, tucking the blankets carefully around him. "Look B'Elanna, **I** chose to do this, **you** didn't. I know you don't feel comfortable around small children… I'm not asking you to play 'mom' just because I'm playing 'dad'. But you **have** to understand, he's a big part of my life now. And it probably **is** because he makes me feel closer to Angel- she was more than a friend to me B'El. She was **family**- when I was a child I was closer to her than I was to my own parents… and I **need** to do this and if this is an **issue** for us…Oh god this **is** an issue isn't it?" Torres rose to her feet and slowly moved toward him, her eyes downcast.

"At first it wasn't… Tom, I'm not ready to be a parent- you already see yourself in that role and it…" she trailed off, suddenly at a loss for words but he'd already worked out where she was headed.

"It interferes." He finished,

"I'm sorry…"

"We're finishing, aren't we?"

"I- I don't know…"

"Sounds to me like we are…." Tom kept his gaze fixed firmly on the sleeping baby.

"Okay…" When he looked around again, she had left as quietly as she had come in.

"Guess it's just you an' me now, huh?" The baby awoke and deep violet eyes, tinged with yellow and flecks of brown stared into his own.

^^^^

At his station in sickbay, the EMH ran a scanner over his unconscious patient and frowned. His readings showed elevated dopamine levels, which confirmed what the doctor already suspected- that the 'alternate' Mr Paris was experiencing another psychotic episode and his medication wasn't doing enough to combat it. This meant, of course, more tedious drug trials. Although he'd not yet had the chance to discuss his patient's medical history with him, he felt sure that the man had been through **that** particular rigmarole before…

Earlier in the day, the doctor had re-examined **this** Voyager's Lt Paris' medical file and it did indicate a high risk of developing a schizophrenic-type disturbance: a family history- his sister was diagnosed with the disease at age seventeen and that increased the risk to as much as 50%… Starfleet personality tests indicated a high psychopathy score- the man was a maverick, he didn't handle high levels of stress well; psycho-analytic reports showed him to use immature coping and defence mechanisms, a history of alcohol abuse… It was easy to see how their own Tom Paris could become like the man sleeping fitfully in the biobed.

^^^^

Lt Tuvok was in charge of the bridge when Voyager was shaken by a second spatial anomaly, identical to the one that had signalled the arrival of the 'alternate' Tom Paris.

"Bridge to Captain Janeway, a second anomaly has occurred. The phenomenon has localised in deck fourteen. I am sending a team to investigate."

"Understood. I'll meet them there, Janeway out."

__

^^^^

Seconds after she'd stepped into the vortex, it spat her out and landing unsteadily on her feet, she stumbled to the floor as the pain in the back of her head hit her, hard. Gasping, she reached a hand into the back of her scarf and moaned softly to herself when it came back covered in blood. Given her pain and the amount of blood that dripped to the carpet in this familiar place, she wasn't surprised when her vision blurred and narrowed into a dark tunnel that became blacker and longer until she could no longer see it's end. Slumped in a doorway, she slipped into unconsciousness.

^^^^

The lights on deck fourteen were flickering on and off when the security team arrived and as they advanced down the corridor, they noticed a tiny figure curled into a ball on the floor.

"Ensign, what have you got?" Janeway appeared from a nearby turbolift, her hand already hovering over the phaser at her belt. Wordlessly, the man pointed to the prone figure. "Hang back. I'm going in for a closer look. It may be someone else from our **other** guest's universe… keep your phasers set to stun though." 

With as much caution as her excitement would allow, Janeway moved toward the unmoving body. The figure was obviously female and was dressed in a dark coloured skirt over similarly coloured trousers. A thick sweater was covered by a synthetic waistcoat, belted at the waist and covered in pockets. A phaser was holstered at her hip and there was another in a well hidden shoulder holster. A quick scan with her tricorder revealed to the captain the presence of a third phaser and a knife, concealed in the woman's boot. Whoever she was, she had either come from or was expecting to arrive in, a war-zone. The heavy cloth scarf still obscured the woman's face and noting the blood soaking into the carpet beneath her; Janeway carefully removed the scarf in order to find the origin of so much blood. 

Running her tricorder over the woman as she struggled with the tightly wound scarf, Janeway gasped as the tricorder confirmed what her own eyes would not believe….

Almost numb, she tapped her commbadge and asked her first officer to meet her in sickbay right away. Then, recovering from her shock a little, she gazed fondly down at the woman at her feet and reached out to brush a few stray strands of hair from the woman's face,

"Well hello again old friend. You're the last person I expected to see…" 

^^^^

Chakotay found that sickbay was a little less crowded than the last time he'd been there. Safely confined behind a forcefield at one end of the room, the 'alternate' Tom Paris lay curled into a tiny ball on a biobed, his feet resting on the head rest and his arms wrapped tightly around his chest as if he hoped to somehow make himself smaller that way. His eyes were closed tightly in a sedative-induced sleep. 

In the office a few metres away he could make out the forms of the ship's doctor and his captain. The former was talking at some length and the latter was nodding, a frown pinching her features and her arms folded across her chest. On the bed nearest the office lay a small humanoid female, newly dressed in a sickbay gown and covered to the middle with a blanket. Her hands were folded loosely over her ribcage and her eyes, framed by a fringe that only half-covered the intricate blue-tinged scarring adorning her forehead, were closed in sleep. 

His own weight suddenly feeling a great deal heavier than he was used to, Voyager's first officer somehow made it to a chair, falling into it and never taking his eyes off the figure in the bed. It had been so long since he'd last seen her: six months in fact. And the last time he's seen her she had looked as young and as peaceful in her death as she now looked in her sleep. 

"Is she alive?" he whispered to no one in particular as he stared at her, still afraid to touch her in case she was somehow not real.

"Yes." The holodoctor emerged form his office, Captain Janeway on his heels. "She has received a nasty head wound but I've largely taken care of that. She has a mild concussion but that is nothing to worry about either. As is typical with her species however she has not responded to any attempts to wake her artificially. During her time here I learned enough about Gginzaid physiology to know that when injured they will lose consciousness quite quickly and remain so until they have healed themselves or developed some evolutionary mechanism to adapt to the injury and the changes it has brought about. She'll wake when she's good and ready. Commander, you will, of course, be allowed to remain here until she does so… Since nothing **I** say will stop you from doing just that."

Nodding numbly, Chakotay reached out to take one of her hands in his own, marvelling at it's roughness and noting the multitude of scars that stretched up her arms- more than he'd ever seen adorn her skin.

"Chakotay," Janeway only now stepped forward, her expression grave and her tone gentle. "When we found her she was armed to the teeth…"

"Gginzaid don't believe in any violence." Chakotay distantly heard someone murmur and wasn't surprised to learn that it was his own voice.

"Exactly…"

"What could have happened to her to change that….?" He whispered, carefully turning her hand palm-up in his own to reveal the calluses and blisters characteristic of someone who undertook hard physical labour- like warfare, something his wife was incapable of. Her race's beliefs combined with their physical frailty made such an idea laughable. Here the doctor cleared his throat,

"She has a denser bone structure and more powerful muscle tone than when we saw her last, although by our standards she could still be considered 'delicate'. And there is some internal scarring which seems to have been caused by phaser burns and other injuries consistent with a survival of torture. There is an implanted serial number in the sole of her foot similar to former inmates in Cardassian labour camps…."

^^^^

Several hours later, Chakotay awoke; still slumped by the biobed in sickbay, he had fallen forward in sleep so that his head rested on the bed. One hand had crept around the still form lying there and the other was folded into a pillow under his head. As his eyes struggled sleepily open they fixed on a second set that stared, unblinking into his own. The Ggin had rolled onto her side during the course of the night and now lay nose to nose with him. Sickbay was in semi-darkness and complete silence as the two lay a hair's breadth apart, breathing one another's exhaled breath and allowing a connection to reform. One of the Ggin's hands stretched down her side to capture his, threading her fingers through his and still neither said a word.

^^^^

There they were again. Paris' eyes snapped open to scour the room. The walls hadn't started to move yet, but they would. In no time at all they would begin undulating as they took deep breaths from the air in the room and the thoughts in his mind. They were mocking him again, always mocking, reminding him of his failures- of his constant inability to get anything right… 

This wasn't home- that he knew now. And Angel wasn't here… How could he have gotten it so wrong…? But, of course, the voices had known he would. And now, in the whispering giggles of playground bullies, they insisted on reminding him of that.

The medication had been a relief while it had lasted but now he knew he was in the grip of an episode unlike any he'd known since… No, no, no, mustn't think about that. Tom screwed his eyes up as he fought the memory that gently pushed its way to the forefront of his consciousness.

__

^^^^

A bright, searing light burnt at his eyes and he shut them against it. The ground beneath his knees was cold, hard and uneven as he waited…. There was a heavy dead-weight in his lap, the soft hardness of its shape pressing onto him, pressing him into the impenetrable cold of the ground underneath. 

The sounds of phaser-fire were slowly ceasing around him and anxious hands grabbed at him, beseeching him to rise from his prone place on the ground, drop his burden and join them. Shaking his head distractedly, he refused over and over again as he stared into the eyes of the man sprawled in his lap. 

There wasn't much blood, that was a surprise but it was plain to see that damage had been done to the man whose breaths were becoming more and more ragged. One shaking hand made it's way into his own and he found himself smiling encouragingly at its owner,

"You're going to be okay… They'll be here soon- they're coming to get us. You've just got to hang on…" That was a lie. By the time their rescuers reached them, this man would be dead from his injuries, both knew that.

His breathing more laboured now, the man squeezed his hand and let his eyes, exhausted as he was, fall shut.

"No!" Tom snapped, reaching down to slap the man sharply over one cheek, "Not yet… You can't go yet… I'm supposed to be looking after you… You're not dying on me…" For some reason the man listened, reopened his eyes and stared up at Tom as if he'd never seen him before. 

The sounds of the battle seemed so far away now, the shouts and screams of others fading into blackness until there was nothing but Tom, and this man. And then there was someone else. 

Her arms slipped around Tom's waist and he felt Her both inside his mind and inside his body. She'd made it. And now it was time… The man's eyes slid shut one final time, a contented sigh passing his lips…

^^^^

Oh god… Tom bit into his lip as he fought back the panic that overtook his senses now, in the sickbay of a ship called Voyager that wasn't really Voyager. The same panic that had grabbed hold of him five years ago in that prison colony as, clawing at the passive body before him he'd screamed at the man it had contained not to leave. Replaying his words now, he berated himself for their desperate futility:

"You can't go, your life's still mine…"

^^^^

Chakotay couldn't see anything aside from the violet eyes that bored into his own. Not that he cared. The fact was She was back. Here: lying in a bed in sickbay as if the last six months had been little more than some terrible nightmare; as if there had been no pregnancy, and no child, and no death. For now at least, he could pretend that he hadn't really felt her dying in his arms on that strange, living ship. 

I'm not your Elise. Spoken, as had always been typical, directly into his mind, her voice was different to that he remembered. And you're not my K'Tya. 

"I know." He found his own voice to be little more than a fast cracking whisper, "But I can pretend."

As can I. 

The peaceful near silence was broken by a sob from somewhere close by and the Ggin turned her upper torso to lie flat on the bed so that she could follow the sound. Reaching out into the sound with her mind, she stretched until she reached its source. And a few metres away, behind a forcefield, the alternate Tom Paris finally felt himself calm. The whispers died away chased back by Her presence and the walls ceased their relentless undulating.

Angel? 

I'm here. Rest now, you're safe. 

Can't…

Steeling herself against the stiffness of her limbs, Ggin rose slowly, gently batting away the hand that moved to stop her. Sickbay pyjamas flapping at her knees she moved cautiously toward the forcefield and held up one hand to make contact with it. Silently she turned to raise one questioning eyebrow at Chakotay, who was himself moving from the biobed to join her. Without arguing he found himself calling for the field to be deactivated, allowing her admittance.

Still propped up on his own bed, Tom Paris watched her progress toward him with wide and relieved eyes. Abandoning their mental connection, he opened his mouth to speak aloud,

"It's not here. We're in the wrong place…. I'm sorry… I got it wrong again…." Saying nothing aloud, Ggin merely reached out to ruffle the man's hair and gently shush at him until he relented and lay back in her arms. The voices know. I can hear them laughing 'cause they knew I'd get it wrong but I wanted to stop it happening… I wanted to save him… His babbling was now only telepathic and yet Ggin continued to stroke delicate fingers over his temples, rocking him in her arms like a child, her every touch cajoling his eyes into falling shut to allow sleep. 

Chakotay inched closer fascinated at the scene played out before him. He'd always found the relationship between his late wife and this man an unexpected and astonishing one. Elise had always behaved almost as a mother to the man and now he was reminded of just how close the bond between them truly was. Paris was slipping out of consciousness now but as he did so he murmured something to the woman whom merely nodded and told him to sleep. 

She stayed in position for a long while after the man fell into sleep, her hands clasped around his frame and her chin resting lightly on his head as she crooned softly to him. Chakotay found himself standing directly behind her and as if suddenly noticing his presence, she let Paris' still form slide back onto the bed before moving carefully onto the same bed to join him, pillowing his head on her lap. In sleep, one arm snaked around her middle to hold her there and now she turned to face the commander, ready to talk.

"I don't suppose that you want to know about our time," He shrugged and he settled on a bio bed next to the one containing this 'alternate' Paris and Ggin. Biting her lip slightly, she began. "We reached your alpha quadrant… It wasn't the same place you left behind… After all the deaths and imprisonments… and the escapes…. Tolli was out of his mind…. He's been ill since my K'Tya died. He found a way to transport himself back in time using experimental Borg technology- it had been found and then later abandoned as useless by the Dominion and some of the remaining Voyager crew started fiddling with it. Tolli decided to use it to go back in time to warn you of the consequences of your current flightpath… The others told him that to do so was wrong…. He didn't listen and one night he ran away, took a shuttle and now here he is. I was sent to retrieve him since he listens more readily to me than the others and now here I am." 

"Elise… Ggin, Kathryn doesn't want to know about your timeline. She believes, quite rightly that doing so would alter our own… I want to know."

^^^^

The baby was screaming again. He'd not let up for over an hour now and Tom stifled yet another yawn as he shifted the infant in his arms, trying without much success to make himself more comfortable. He knew about the strange happenings onboard Voyager: had seen the arrival of his doppelganger and now heard about the appearance of the Ggin. He knew that Commander Chakotay would be with her and he wondered if the child that wriggled and squirmed in his arms also knew that an alternate version of his mother was here. The child was, he reasoned, half Ggin and thus a very powerful telepath, maybe Her presence was what was causing this sudden and inexplicable temper tantrum from a normally placid child.

Refusing steadfastly to think about Torres, Paris let his body sink back into the couch he was sitting on and carefully swung his legs around until he was all but lying on it, toeing his boots off as he went. Absently rubbing and patting the child's back as he felt him calming a little, Paris wondered if life could actually get any more complicated than it already was: Here he was, now single again and practically fostering the son of one of his commanding officers and a woman who had been all but a mother to him when he was growing up. He was in the middle of space, trapped in the delta quadrant, having been almost sprung out of gaol to hunt down a Maquis cell leader and his crew. Now here he was, caring for that same Maquis leader's child. Maybe it wouldn't be so bizarre had this not been Chakotay's child but that was just the way things had panned out.

So now, reclining on the couch in the nursery, Paris wondered what would happen if Chakotay suddenly decided to stop playing the tortured widower and actually took on his responsibilities as a father. Would he, Paris be told 'thanks for helping out, now please go back to being a good little pilot'? Tom knew that to simply return to the helm, to forget about the bond that was forming between himself and this tiny little being, would be impossible. The fact was, he'd been more of a father to this little boy than Chakotay could ever have hoped to be himself and he had no intention of changing that.

^^^^

Seconds ticking by like Jemhadar marching for the kill, Neelix glared at the instrument panel before him. In less than three minutes, their pursuers would be upon them: the 'surrender and we will be lenient' message had started it's continuous loop through an open channel a minute and a half ago. It was a lie of course: the Cardassians and Dominion could never be depended on for the truth. Even if they were taken alive it would only mean a return to the interrogations and torture they had all fought so hard to escape from.

His mouth set in a grim line; Neelix set the ship's self-destruct sequence. Whether Ggin and Paris returned before the Dominion caught up with them or not was irrelevant: there was nowhere left to run. Whether Ggin arrived back onboard or not, in less than three minutes the shuttle would be little more than a ball of fire and twisted metal, all hopes of Maquis survival wiped out.

Neelix had long since suppressed his hidden wish that Paris would manage to sabotage Voyager's return to the alpha quadrant- that the once brilliant pilot would be able to remain lucid for long enough to change history. He knew it was wrong to think such things: Vorik and Seven of Nine had explained patiently and stubbornly to both himself and to Ggin that changing the past was too dangerous. Ggin had not understood a word of it of course. A being with no knowledge of or interest in science, she had merely taken them at their word, her trust in them implicit. Of course they had not counted on the insane desperation that Tom felt: his driving need to undo what harm he thought himself to have done…

^^^^

"We were all so tired. You- K'Tya had been on the bridge almost constantly and I was spending most of my time awake and in the sickbay. Voyager was badly damaged; her hull black from phaser blasts and fires that broke out suddenly and refused to be doused. 

'Tolli was almost asleep at the conn and I used to slip into his mind from time to time to help him rest and to take over when he was too tired to think clearly- that's how I learnt to pilot a ship. 

'The Captain's injuries were worse than she would have admitted but you had asked the doctor to remove her from duty. There were ten crewmembers dead already and none of us had the time to mourn them before fighting resumed. The cuts on my arms were barely healed when I felt Them returning.

'They thought us trespassers. Punished us for that. Chased us from their supposed territory and beyond- it was like the worst sort of vendetta and none of you could understand it. I did, I suppose but it was no vendetta, it was simply their way and they refused to give in until we were destroyed.

'I don't know where the wormhole appeared from but Hulla was so excited when he called you over to his station: he could scarcely believe his own eyes. A message was sent- into your home, into the alpha quadrant and I was in our quarters when the reply came through.

'I felt it. Felt a complicity in their words and knew they were not the words of humans but of another species I neither recognised nor understood. The crew were all so tired and relieved that they trusted the words and followed their message into the wormhole.

'I tried to stop Tolli but I was so tired… I remember running to the bridge, crawling through the tunnels because the lifts weren't working. By the time I'd warned you- him, it was too late and ships I'd never seen before surrounded us. The voices in those ships I recognised as the ones who had sent the message.

'The 'Dominion' had taken control of most of what you called 'known space' and your 'Federation' had become little more than a puppet organisation doing their bidding. The crew was split up: the Maquis sent straight to the labour camps and the Starfleet crew placed in 'protective custody' to await 'debriefing'. It was all the same though: each of us was interrogated for days. I think that I was lucky because at the first sign of such pain I trained my body to shut down and lose consciousness. Tolli was imprisoned with the Maquis as were Neelix, Seven and myself. 

'The Starfleet crew all disappeared, one by one, starting with the Captain. She had tried so hard to get us released… Some of them ended up at the camp- in the interrogation centres with Tolli and K'Tya and the others… The last time I saw Hulla he could barely walk and he didn't even know who I was but I felt him die that night and stayed in his mind until the last possible moment…

'Those among us who were not from this quadrant were set aside for vivisection of course and I've learned to forget most of that and taught the others to do the same. We escaped: Neelix, Seven and myself and found ourselves taken in by the remains of the Maquis still free. We recuperated and plotted, accessing the doctor's programme from Seven's matrix- she had stored a copy in case Voyager was destroyed, which she was. We helped to organise our rescuers and I think that our presence helped to renew their need to fight. We worked so hard to rescue all of you…

'I could feel all of you in your prison from thousands of light years away. I could feel how hard you fought to keep everyone together. Many of the Maquis turned on Tolli in their need to blame someone and I remember how you protected him inspite of feeling the same way. You cared for him because of me and although he knew that, he never argued. I think that you let him become your friend as a way of keeping me close and his bond to you was forged at least partly for the same reason but I asked you to look after him and him to look after you.

'The rescue attempt was disastrous: we were outmanoeuvred and outgunned and yet we got so many out… You took a direct hit in Tolli's place and I felt it strike me as I ran through the compound to try to reach you. You lay in Tolli's arms and he begged you not to go and I remember feeling him rocking you like a child and I slipped into his mind and together we rocked you to sleep… 

'He carried your body to the rescue shuttle in spite of the others telling him to leave you behind: he wouldn't leave you there….

'I killed someone that day: I rounded a corner and there he was, in my way. He was a Cardassian and looking back, I think that he was little more than a boy but he lifted his phaser- I'm sure he didn't know how to use it and he had never killed anyone himself and he looked so frightened. I reached up and took his chin in my hand, snapping until his neck broke. 

'One of the Maquis had tried to teach me to defend myself and I'd always laughed and refused to try but that day I killed another and barely paused to feel him slip away. Days later, when I'd come to terms with what I had done, I marked myself in his memory- the first of many markings I have for people for whom I have no name.

'Tolli all but died after that. I remember reaching the shuttle and seeing that he still hugged your body to him. I don't know that his illness was caused solely by your passing but I think it may have been the trigger. Either way, he's not the person you know him to be anymore. And nor am I. I barely recognise myself as Gginzaid anymore. I'm certainly not the same person I was when I still lived here, with you- him."

^^^^

The ship was all but silent when Chakotay finally left sickbay and wandered through the deserted corridors to his quarters. The Ggin was still with the 'other' Paris, insisting on watching over the man as he slept and the commander suspected she had done so many times before, not just when he was a boy. Reminding himself once more not to think of her as Elise- his wife, he slid into the soft confines of his bed and lay there for a few moments, caught somewhere between waking and sleep. There was little use in denying that he still thought of the woman as his Elise- even though he knew deep down that she wasn't. True, once she had been, before arriving in the alpha quadrant. And, once he had been her husband- K'Tya. But his losing her in childbirth had changed that. So, now just as she was barely recognisable as the quaint and delicate pacifist that had first been brought aboard Voyager all that time ago, he was not the same Chakotay that had cared for and eventually fallen in love with her.

^^^^

"Angel?" Tom stirred in his sleep, his arm tightening slightly around her waist and with only half a mind, she tried to shush him into further sleep. "Angel, is he gone now?" His eyes were still closed but it was obvious that the man was now awake. Bringing herself back to full consciousness, Ggin focused on the lightly coloured head that rested in her lap. 

"Yes, he's gone now. What is it Tolli?"

"He doesn't know, does he?"

"I've not told him." Ggin ceased the absent-minded stroking of her fingers through his hair and allowed him to prop himself on one elbow.

"We could stop it from happening in **this** universe. That'd be **something**- even if we can't stop everyone from **ours** dying, we could help everyone **here**." The Ggin was shaking her head sadly, one hand moving to cup his chin, turning his face to hers,

"No Tolli. To change the timeline in **our** universe would be wrong, to do the same here, even more so."

"You don't believe that anymore than I do." Shrugging her off, his tone became accusatory. "You didn't even understand the **concept** of timelines and alternate universes when Vorik told us- **I** had to explain it to you. And now, because **they** tell you it's wrong, you're trying to stop me."

"Tolli… You're right, I don't understand the **science** of it. I have no interest but my… **heart** tells me that what you came here to do is wrong. In the short time we've been here I've already been able to pinpoint the **moments** that made the people here different to those that we know. The Chakotay here is **not** my husband… And I am not the same person he knew as his wife. We cannot change the course of these people's lives!" Tom was pacing the small space between his bed and the forcefield that separated this corner from the rest of sickbay. His agitation making his face contort and muscles twitch, he halted mid-step, 

"I just want them to **live**"

"Tolli, that won't make the voices go away… As soon as the vortex reopens, we will go back to **our** world. We will look back on this place as a wonderful memory and we will continue to mourn those we have lost. That is the way it is going to be and you know that it is the way it should be." Tom was nodding, eyes screwed tight to beat back tears when Ggin steadily approached him, wrapping slender arms around his waist and supporting his weight. As he curled into himself, she carefully guided his almost limp body down to the ground, soothing his sobs with whispered words.

^^^^

Elsewhere on Voyager, a different Tom Paris left the bridge at the end of his shift. Waving 'see you later' to his friend Harry Kim, he ambled toward the nursery where Neelix was babysitting a rather grumpy half human, half Gginzaid infant that refused to sleep and yet whose eyes lit up and mood calmed on spying him.

"Hey there little guy…" Paris lifted the child out of the Talaxian's arms and set about rocking him in his arms as he moved over to the window.

"He's been a little testy today, but I see that's all forgotten now you're back." Neelix noticed that he still wore a towel draped over one shoulder and pulled it off, tucking it between the pilot and his charge. Then he turned to leave. "I'll leave you two to it. Ensign Wildman has a scheduled day off tomorrow and said she'd have him for your shift."

"Thanks Neelix." Tom returned his attention the baby, carefully removing curious fingers from his comm badge. Neelix stopped in the doorway, about to add something before changing his mind.

"Good night Tom."

"G'night."

^^^^

Safely depositing her friend into pleasant dreams, the Ggin reached out into the ship, feeling blindly through the thoughts of its occupants. Checking and rechecking that all was well. There had been no losses on this Voyager… everyone she cared for was still here. Forcing herself to keep away from Chakotay, for now, she concentrated on finding Tom- the **other** Tom.

There he was. Smiling lightly, she stretched gentle fingers into his mind, starting when she noted an unknown presence there. A child. This universe was truly a different one to her own. Through the pilot's eyes, she gazed down into eyes that were a combination of her own and those of her husband. This was unexpected and unsure as to how she felt about this turn of events, Ggin continued with her comparisons.

Settled against one arm of the couch, Tom Paris felt a familiar presence slip into his mind and rising slowly, he deposited the now sleepy infant back in his crib and moved toward the door. Numbly, one now empty hand reached up to tap on the comm badge pinned to his chest,

"Paris to Neelix. I have to leave the nursery for a little while. Can you look in on the baby?" Not waiting for a reply, he drifted down the corridors toward sickbay.

She was waiting for him when he stepped through the sickbay doors, standing a few feet inside. Wordlessly he let her take both his hands in her own and pull him close. After a moment's hesitation he felt himself moving to wrap his arms around her, pulling her close and burying his face in her shoulder.

I missed you…

I know you did. Not wanting to lose hold of her, he raised his head but still kept his arms wrapped tightly around her.

Why are you here? 

I came here to find him. Stepping back a little, she gestured to the motionless figure that lay in the bed a few feet away. Paris felt his gaze following her outstretched hand until it rested on his double.

"You're from the future." He stated, his voice dull. "Is **that** what's going to happen to me?"

"I can't tell you. We're from a different place anyway. There's no Ggin in **this** reality." Accepting his need to speak, she moved towards where he had unconsciously drifted.

"Not anymore." Numbly, he accepted the gentle brushing of her fingers against his temple. "The captain wouldn't let you speak to anyone about this?" It wasn't really a question and the pilot inched closer to the unconscious form.

"Not exactly. **He** was explicitly forbidden. It was implied that I would also speak to no one."

"Then why am I here?" His senses were awakened by the sound of laughter he had thought he'd never hear again: a quick, girlish chuckle, gone in no time at all.

"I didn't **bring** you here. I **called** to you- You merely **chose** to come. I wanted to see you." Understanding brought a slight, mirthless smile to the man's face and he snorted softly.

"You wanted to remind yourself of what I was like before… What I'm like now."

"Yes." Slowly she stepped back over to the unconscious Paris that still curled into himself on the bed, his arms wrapped tightly around his body. He's still Tolli most of the time but the voices make him a stranger to me… It was a stranger that came here- to change history. No doubt it will be a stranger that I take back with me. 

"But if this is a different reality from yours, then there's a chance that what happened to him won't happen to me."

"Of course."

"How close to your own reality is this?"

"You're travelling a slightly different course… You have no Ggin…" a brief, ironic smile, "I have lost my husband and here he has lost his wife and gained a child… There is always a chance…"

"Chakotay's dead in your universe…"

"Most of this crew are… K'Tya died in **his** arms…" she gestured at the sleeping man,

"How?" 

"If you follow our path then he'll die protecting you in a Cardassian prison camp. Maybe." A flicker of a smile played for a moment on her lips before disappearing once more behind a curtain of glossy, dark hair.

Angel, tell me. Rejecting speech, he called out to her in the language they had shared since his childhood. She refused to be swayed, her mind remaining closed to him

"I'm not your Angel." Her voice was toneless; her eyes fixed on the unconscious Paris. "I cannot jeopardise this timeline as well my own. Tolli was wrong to try to interfere in our **own** time let alone **this** one…"

"You're just repeating someone else's words. You don't believe that anymore than **he** does. You've no understanding of this sort of thing, you once told me so yourself."

"Indeed. And I consulted those who **did**. And I stand by **their** words and **their** opinion for I have no way of forming one myself."

"Bull! You **do** have an opinion! And you **wanted** to stop this from happening in your past. You might not have planned on doing it yourself but you did little to stop **him** when **he** did!"

I was wrong. Turning suddenly, she caught his chin in one swift hand. A moment later, her will crumbled, "Perhaps if it had been different. If we **had** arrived in the right dimension I might have thought differently." An odd light crept into his eyes and Ggin quickly masked her open thoughts. "As it is, Tolli's obsession with putting right what he thought were his mistakes has sent us here to bring **false hope** to people I care about and dash the foolish **dreams** of a man who is **afraid** to dream." With this, she returned her attention to the sleeping Paris.

"You're not going to try to stop it happening, are you?" With her back turned toward her friend, Ggin shook her head. "Does **he** know?"

"I've not told him but he knows. And he also hopes to change my mind. Tolli…" she turned and moved closer to place one hand on his shoulder. "What if I stopped this Voyager from going back. What if by doing so, I ensured that something even worse happened? In my world **you** lived. And that's **so** important to me. So did **Neelix** and **Vorik** and **Seven**," The crewmember's true names sounded strange to Ggin as she said them. "In **this** world there is someone else to consider: a child."

"Exactly. And I **don't** want him to go back to a place as terrible as your **Alpha Quadrant** seems to be!"

"Tolli, this discussion is at a close. I am tired and the only time I can rest these days is when **my** Tolli is asleep." Returning her attention to the **sleeping** Paris, Ggin dismissed the waking one.

^^^^

Voyager's briefing room contained the usual faces, crowded around the large table that dominated the chamber. Captain Janeway glanced at the officers assembled there- a collection of burgundy and mustard-toned uniforms sporadically broken by the odd individual dressed in 'civilian' attire. In addition to her officers there was one other **almost** familiar face: the 'new' Ggin was curled into one of the chairs, one leg bent over it's arm and supporting an elbow upon which her head rested- a position all had become accustomed to seeing the 'old' Ggin in. 

As the officers had filed in a few moments earlier, many of them had looked twice at the figure, their disbelief and shock evident.

"Alright everyone. Your eyes aren't deceiving you. Now please seat yourselves and we can get started." The captain's tone was uncharacteristically sharp as she watched her crew's reactions to their 'guest'. For her own part the Ggin kept her gaze averted from all of the curious stares, choosing instead to focus on the veneer of the table top before her. "As you are all aware, we recently experienced an as yet unexplained spatial anomaly that resulted in the appearance of what appears to be an individual from a universe parallel to our own. That individual is Tom Paris' double. At this, Janeway allowed her gaze to rest momentarily on the light haired pilot. "Shortly after his arrival, we received another 'visitor' in the same way." Now she gestured to the Ggin. "Our main priority is sending them 'home'. Suggestions please." 

^^^^

"Well, what do you think?" The briefing room was now empty but for Voyager's captain and First Officer. Most of the other officers had taken their places on the bridge and Mr Paris had escorted the 'new' Ggin back to sickbay. "I intend to send them both **back** to their own universe- their own **time** as soon as we have a way. In the meantime I want their 'quarantine' to continue. Do I have your agreement Chakotay?" Her palms laid flat on the table before her, Janeway almost glared up at the commander. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Chakotay rose smoothly to his feet, moving over to the viewport for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. 

"I agree that the 'other' Tom Paris should be confined for his own safety as much as anything else. And to that end, that Elise- Ggin should be allowed to remain with him if she so wishes-"

"I sense a 'but'." Already on the defensive, Kathryn's eyes narrowed as she watched him turn to resolutely match her stare.

"We should at least **listen** to what they have to say. It might at the very least enable us to find a way home- and if it **does** we may well be *forewarned*…I've spoken to her- she's told me what her universe is like- **our** Paris has done the same-"

"Against my **orders**?"

"Yes. Kathryn, the bond Elise and I shared was more important than any *orders*… I'm sure that Tom Paris would say the same thing. That 'other' Paris is half **crazy**! Ggin- she's so unlike the Ggin I knew as my wife and yet they both talk of events- of a timeline not all that dissimilar from our **own**! Aside from a few differences, their crew **were** this one! Whatever occurred in their universe to change them so- to render them virtually **unrecognisable**… If we have the **ability** to protect ourselves from something so terrible, then shouldn't we **use** it?"

"Chakotay, Starfleet has **rules** regarding parallel universes… Rules set down for a **reason**!"

"Yes, we do. But only for **interfering** with other universes! I don't remember seeing anything about learning about and protecting our **own**!"

"But what if just by listening to them we change their past? They are not only visitors from another **place** they are also from another **time**! Once we start meddling in that… Their timeline is not **independent** of ours and we cannot **guarantee** that changes we implement at their say so will not affect their time! No Chakotay, they **will** go back and I am **ordering** all personnel to stay away from them. And that **includes** both Mr Paris **and** yourself. Is that clear?"

"Perfectly. Am I dismissed?" At her nod, the commander turned abruptly on his heel and strode toward the door, pausing suddenly on its threshold; "We all die there. You, me, Torres… I just thought you should know…" With that he left, the doors swishing closed behind him, leaving the Captain to slam one angry fist down on the table before throwing herself back into her seat.

^^^^ 

The air here was cleaner than that in Voyager's sickbay, which had been thick with the tingling odour of disinfectant. His eyes still closed; Tom Paris stretched out on his new bed and took several deep breaths. The medication the holodoctor had given him had helped his hallucinations and Angel had spent the night close by, soothing his dreams with her own pictures and memories. Opening one eye he spied her moving briskly toward him from the living area.

Better? Perching on the edge of his bed she ruffled his hair

For now. What did they say? He paused midway through one last stretch to scrutinise her face.

That we will go back. 

Alright… What else? 

Nothing else. We will go back. 

"What?" temporarily reverting to his usual manner of communication, Tom sat up "But what about what you told them? Surely that made them alter their course…!"

No. And nor should it. Their captain is right… This Voyager will continue on whatever course it's crew chooses for it and we will return home. 

"No! They can't! I won't let it happen!" Leaping from his bed, Tom began pacing the small room, tearing at his hair as he went.

Tolli… Calm now…

"No! I won't let it happen. I won't… I won't see him die like that…" Trapped in his own private world Tom barely heard her attempts at calming him and giving up on such passive means she reached surreptitiously into the inside pocket of her waistcoat to retrieve a hypospray. Waiting until his back was turned, she advanced silently, taking one of his arms in her hand as she pressed the spray to his neck. Mid-rant he slumped into her arms and she guided his limp body down to the floor.

^^^^

Paris was exhausted. The discussion he'd had late the previous night with the 'alternate' Ggin had left him unable to sleep and he'd found himself dwelling on her words throughout today's shift. Although he'd known of other universes parallel to this one, including one in which he was an alcoholic, the one made real by **her** presence disturbed him far more than he ever thought possible. Perhaps it was because it offered him a glimpse of a possible future for **this** universe. Perhaps because it was an Alpha Quadrant that he had dreaded returning to- one so unlike the Federation Space he had always known.

Stepping into the nursery, as was his usual routine at the closing of his shift, Paris moved toward the cot that dominated the room and rested on folded arms to peer in at the sleeping child it contained. 

"I guess you've not seen your daddy today, huh?" Whispering softly so as not to wake the infant, Tom stroked one thumb gently over the baby's cheek, ceasing suddenly to make soothing 'shushing' sounds when the child stirred. "Well, I'm sure he'll stop by some time soon…" Once he's stopped blaming you for your mother's death, that is, Tom added to himself. It still amazed him that Chakotay had found it so easy to distance himself from his own child. 

Stepping away from the crib and moving over to the viewport, Tom mulled over the snatch of conversation he'd had with Ggin as he'd walked her back to sickbay that morning. She'd asked if the child was well and had told Tom that she knew of Chakotay's inability to care for him. 

Elise would have been disappointed…She must have given him the child because she thought He would be a comfort to him. Even telepaths can be wrong sometimes… Tom had wondered at the calmness of her mental voice- the coldness of it. There could be no doubt that the universe they had come from had hardened the alternate Paris and Ggin beyond recognition. It had driven Ggin to turn from the ways of her race and learn to kill and had led Paris to delve into psychosis as a release from his pain. If the place could damage two arguably worldly adults so, how on Earth would an innocent child fare? Paris found himself wondering how he could return a child to a world filled with such uncertainty and danger. The answer was glaringly obvious to him: he couldn't.

^^^^

__

Captain's Log Stardate****

The appearance of two individuals from a universe parallel to our own has continued to present us with difficulties. The 'temptation' to find out as much about their world grows stronger daily. They travelled **back** in time to enter our dimension in order to try and 'warn' us against certain choices. To prevent their changing our future, or attempting to, I have had them allocated and confined to quarters. The crew has been ordered not to speak with them. 

The alternate Ggin is more co-operative than the other Tom Paris. It would appear that she followed him in order to stop him from trying to change their history. However I still do not feel that I can trust her fully.

^^^^

"Ensign, report!" Janeway's voice, sharp with urgency rang out across the bridge and the young man at Voyager's helm glanced quickly over his controls before answering her.

"Warp engines are offline."

"Kim?" Harry groaned as he stared at his own console, 

"Shields are down. We've lost life support to decks twelve through fourteen. We won't survive another direct hit."

"Try hailing the ship again."

"Still no reply."

"Are there any other ships in the area that might offer assistance?"

"Negative Captain." Tuvok replied flatly, "I believe our only chance would be to enter the nebula and hope that they lose interest or that they will be unable to detect us there." Nodding in reluctant agreement the captain ordered her ship into the gaseous mass they had been studying for the past few hours.

Sat beside her and all but silent throughout the recent exchange, commander Chakotay wondered if this were the beginning of the events foretold by the Ggin. Was history really going to repeat itself? Chakotay decided that the only way to find out was to ask the woman herself.

^^^^

__

Chaos. Utter chaos. Smoke filled the entire deck and crewmembers had to dodge live cable and shorted-out circuits in addition to carrying one another as they were marched through Voyager's darkened corridors. As one of the bridge crew, Tom had been one of the last to be forcibly removed from the ship and over time their captors had grown even more violent, striking at those that did not move fast enough. 

Fighting back the wooziness he felt from an earlier blow to his head, the pilot peered into the distance. A few feet ahead of him he could make out Harry Kim's lumbering gait as the young man supported his own weight by sliding along one wall.

"Harry! Harry, wait up…" pushing past his crewmembers as gently as he could manage, he finally reached his friend, shoving one arm around him to hold him up. "What happened to you?"

"Picked a fight with one of our… captors…" trying to grin proudly, the younger man winced at the pain it caused him and allowed Tom to take his weight. "Where's everyone else?"

"Chakotay's behind me somewhere and so's Tuvok… They took the captain with them first… I've not seen them since… I saw Seven a short while ago… What about you?"

"B'Elanna put up a pretty strong fight when they cleared out engineering… I didn't see what happened- I couldn't get to her… Hope she's okay…"

^^^^

Now fully awake in his makeshift quarters Tom Paris found himself fighting back the memories of what had brought him here- to a place he used to know. Even now, six years later he could feel the stifling heat of the corridors they had been forced through, jostling for space and air. Once off of Voyager they had been split into two groups: Starfleet and the 'rest'. He had been pushed in with the 'rest', which comprised former Maquis members and anyone the Cardassians did not recognise from their files- Neelix, Seven and Ggin. 

The shuttles the Cardassians used to transport their prisoners were overfilled and underventilated and Tom found that the forty-nine hour journey was now little more than a hazy image in his mind. He knew that at the time he had been surrounded by his friends and comrades, each fighting to hide their fear and shock at their treatment, but now all he remembered was how alone he had felt. The Ggin, Neelix and Seven had been separated from the Maquis and taken elsewhere onboard the ship and Tom had not heard Angel's voice in his mind for some time now. Beside him Commander Chakotay sat slumped against a wall, his eyes tightly closed as he tried to meditate. Probably feeling another's stare, the man opened his eyes to stare back at Tom,

"I can't feel her either… All we can do is hope that she's alright…" Groaning in frustration Tom let his head fall to his chest and fixed his gaze on his feet.

"What do you think'll happen to us?"

"It looks like the Maquis are to be charged for our activities… I don't know why you're here… The rest of the crew… They might be let go…"

"I hope so…"

^^^^

"What are they Ggin? Do you know them?" Against his captain's orders, commander Chakotay had entered the quarters Ggin shared with the 'other' Tom Paris as soon as he was able to leave the bridge. Voyager was still hiding within the gas cloud and being waited out by the silent enemy vessel. "I don't have much to show you… All we've seen of them is their ship… They've ignored our hails…"

"It's them." The Ggin replied simply and got up to move to the window. "I know without looking into your mind. I can feel them… They won't respond to your hailing them. They won't leave us alone. They'll wait outside this… **nebula** until we run out of supplies or fuel or whatever. You're trespassing here- they won't tolerate it."

"What happened the last time you were here?"

"You already **know** what happened **Chakotay**!" Tom Paris emerged form the sleeping area, his arms wrapped defensively around his torso. "She already **showed** you…"

"An enemy of the Gralst will open fire on their vessel. We will escape under cover of their weapons fire. We'll encounter Them several more times before Harry Kim finds a worm hole that leads to the alpha quadrant. A message will be sent through and answered by what appears to be Starfleet command. Believing that to be the case we will enter the wormhole. Probably." Ggin's voice was little more than a monotone as she recounted the events that made up her own **past** in the future tense. 

"You have to **Do** something Chakotay… You're all going to die otherwise…!" Tom had advanced toward the first officer, desperation evident in his expression and tone.

"Tolli, there's a chance that things might work out differently here… the wormhole might not be found… the alpha quadrant here may even be different…" Ggin turned to quiet her friend, placing one hand over his arm and rubbing it reassuringly.

"No! None of the differences between **our** universe and this one are **that** major. There might be a few individuals missing but this ship is on the **same** course as ours was…" Shrugging her off, Tom backed away, his hands brushing sweat-soaked hair from his forehead. "Chakotay please don't let this happen again…"

"Leave now." Ggin gave the commander a flat warning stare before gently guiding the younger man back into the sleeping area. "We can't help you any further."

^^^^

"Captain, there is another ship in the vicinity… It is heading directly for the attacking ship- it is preparing to fire." Tuvok's clear and unflappable voice rang out over the bridge and his colleagues watched the huge screen before them as the ship that had attacked them disappeared in a cloud of smoke and flame.

^^^^

Voyager was at peace once more. For now anyway. On destroying the Gralst, the unknown ship had performed an about turn and gone to warp before Voyager's crew had the chance to make contact or give chase. Now she limped through space, attempting to put some distance between herself and the remnants of the destroyed Gralst ship.

Tom Paris stepped into a turbolift and called out for the deck on which the 'alternate' Ggin and Paris had their impromptu quarters. Although they were under a form of 'house arrest', the two visitors were not really restricted from receiving 'guests'. Since Voyager's captain had made it clear to her crew that to even speak with them might irretrievably damage the timeline, she assumed that this would be enough to keep her crew away. 

^^^^ 

In their shared quarters, the 'alternate' Tom Paris paced whilst Ggin slept for the first time in immeasurable time. There had to be a way to stop **this** Voyager from reaching the same fate as his own had two years ago. 

When the doors to his quarters opened, he found that he was not surprised to see a new visitor hovering on the threshold.

"Well, **hello there**! Y'know for a crew that cares so much about preserving their precious timeline, you people sure are fond of popping in here for a chat! First the first officer and now Voyager's chief pilot!" Arms automatically crossing over his chest in a defensive gesture, Paris managed his trademark sarcasm with only a waver of nervousness. "So…" Aiming for nonchalance, Tom moved to recline on the couch that dominated the room, "What do you want to know, **Tom**?"

"Where's Ggin?" Moving awkwardly into the room the other Tom looked nervously around. He had up until now always spoken to his friend and talking to the man who was essentially his double was disconcerting to him. 

"She's sleeping." Tom waved one hand in the vague direction of the bathroom in which Ggin lay floating face down in a bath full of cold water. "What, can't talk to **me**? I'm **you**, remember? Well, you in two years time anyway… Tell me, have I aged much in your opinion?"

^^^^

"Do you have that status report for me, commander?" Captain Janeway frowned slightly at the man who entered her ready room, datapad in hand. 

"Yes captain." Since his commanding officer was sticking to formalities Chakotay decided to do the same. She probably knew that he had again spoken to the alternate Ggin and Paris, against her orders…. Feeling like he was about to step into the proverbial lion's den, Chakotay approached her desk and place the pad quietly on its surface. Her eyes not leaving his for a moment she reached forward to retrieve it, squinting slightly as the focused on it. 

"You've been with Ggin again, haven't you?" Kathryn aimed for a casual tone and failed her voice sounding harsh and accusatory to her ears. Her first officer merely nodded, obviously in no mood for an argument.

"Yes. I asked her to tell me everything that happened leading up to their return to the alpha quadrant."

"And?"

"And… So far everything tallies. However, Elise- Ggin agrees that there **are** differences between our present and their past… If we **do** find a wormhole that takes us back to the alpha quadrant, the chances are it might be a very different place from that that she knows… "

"Very well… Chakotay I want you to keep what you know to yourself. If we find that wormhole I want it to be because **we** found it, not because we were given the co-ordinates by **them**."

"I understand that, captain."

"Good. I want us on red alert at all times- the 'Gralst' may come back- with reinforcements and I want to be prepared this time."

"Understood." Chakotay moved to leave,

"And… I want those two back where they belong as soon as possible… Having his 'double' onboard can't be very pleasant for Mr Paris and…"

"Everyone **knows** she's not **our** Ggin, captain. Me included."

"Good. But even so. And besides we can't guarantee that the curiosity of other crewmembers won't be piqued by their continued presence. The longer they're onboard this ship the greater the likelihood of them changing history. I want their quarters guarded around the clock until we get them 'home'."

^^^^

The corridors were practically deserted when Tom Paris left the soon-to-be-guarded quarters and hurried toward the bridge. Behind him he heard the voices of two members of security personnel performing a check on the room's occupants by means of the ship's computer terminal outside the door,

"According to ships' internal sensors there are still two occupants in the room, one human male and one Gginzaid female. The doors have opened several times so they've had at least two visitors. We should let the captain know…"

Paris knew he didn't have long. He had to reach the bridge before anyone worked out who the last visitor to those quarters had been. When that happened, the cat really would be out of the bag. His nerves a little rattled, he called for the time and quickly realised that Voyager would soon come across the wormhole and lay in an intercept course. Things were happening a little differently in **this** universe and Tom suspected that **here** they would only have **one** encounter with the Gralst. Therefore on entering the alpha quadrant they would have a greater fighting chance against any possible attacks. But he couldn't afford to take such a risk…

^^^^

Ggin awoke feeling relatively refreshed. It had been so long since she'd last truly rested, shutting her mind down completely to everything around her. In some ways this little jaunt into another universe was akin to a rest for her since for the first time in ages she could let her guard down and rest without fear of Tolli doing himself some harm. 

Stepping out of the tub she stretched and reached for a towel. Her hair was dripping wet but she decided to keep it tied back, it could dry in it's own time. Now dry she clothed herself and moved to open the door into the living quarters she was sharing with Tolli. Locked.

"Computer, open door." As she spoke, she started to wring the worst of the water from her still-plaited hair. No reply, no movement. "Computer, why won't the door open?" Still no answer… Swearing under her breath, Ggin began to pound on the door, shouting out both aloud and in her mind to be let out. When she still had no luck she reached out into the ship, where was Tolli…?

^^^^

"Captain, I'm picking something up…" Harry was frowning at his console and Janeway found herself rolling her eyes heavenward, if this was **another** spatial anomaly bringing visitors from a parallel universe… On the other hand, it might be the wormhole that would, possibly return them to the alpha quadrant, a thought that filled her more with trepidation than excitement… 

"Can you be more **specific**?" Biting back her impatience, Voyager's captain straightened in her chair and glanced at her first officer. His expression seemed to almost match her own.

"It appears to be some sort of… Wormhole!" Janeway's ears pricked up and her heart started to pound so hard that she was convinced, for a moment at least that the rest of her bridge crew could hear it. Then she reminded herself that only herself and Chakotay knew that **this** wormhole might be their route home… 

"Prepare a probe to be sent into the anomaly." She was surprised that her voice sounded as clear as it did and she turned to whisper to the man beside her,

"Do you suppose it's…"

"I don't know… Ggin said that they encountered the Gralst several more times before they found the wormhole…"

"Call Paris to the bridge, I want his opinion on whether the wormhole can be entered by a ship as large as this one."

"Understood." Straightening slightly, Chakotay tapped on his commbadge, "Bridge to Paris,"

"Paris here. Chakotay, I'm on way to the bridge now. Should be there in about three decks time." 

Shrugging, Chakotay sat back in his seat. 

"Captain, I'm preparing to send the probe."

"Fine. Do it."

"Probe sent. Now I guess we just wait…"

^^^^

Tolli, what's going on? What are you… Oh no… Giving up on hammering at the bathroom door, Ggin glanced quickly around for something to use to pick the lock. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out her knife and knelt down at the tiny control panel. She had no idea what she was looking at so she simply started cutting at whatever she could find, hoping that whatever didn't kill her would somehow help get her out.

^^^^

The captain looked up when Tom entered the bridge and he nodded to her as he moved to relieve the ensign at the helm. 

"Tom, I need your opinion on the anomaly directly ahead of us," Janeway nodded at the viewscreen and Tom redirected his attention there, gasping imperceptibly at what he saw there before he schooled his features to hide his panic. 

"What can you tell me?" He threw his question at Harry who glanced up from his console,

"Well, it's not very stable… Its size is fluctuating… It might once have been pretty huge but it's degrading all the time. I'd say we don't have much longer before it becomes impossible to travel through…I think it's stable at the other end though."

"Harry, could it be the same wormhole that we found a few years ago- the one that brought those two Ferengi here? That one kept jumping about from place to place at this end…"

"It's possible, Commander. Either way, we don't have much time- Captain I'm picking up a transmission… It's coming from inside the wormhole!"

"Put it on…" The bridge crew waited with baited breath for the transmission, wincing as they fought to separate words from interference, "Harry, try to clean it up a little."

Unnoticed by the others, Tom sank into his seat at the helm.

"Federation starship Achilles to Voyager… Can you hear us? Voyager, this is the Achilles…" Janeway let out a breath she didn't even realise she had been holding and threw an ecstatic grin at her first officer,

"Starship Achilles this is Voyager. Please state your location."

"Our co-ordinates are…"

"That's in the **alpha quadrant**!" Janeway found that she couldn't keep the excitement from her voice as she whispered to her second in command.

"Captain," he found himself whispering back, "I think we should try to get some confirmation that what Ggin described hasn't happened there…" Distractedly she nodded then thought for a second, 

"How?" 

At the helm, Paris was pondering much the same question and realised that there **was** no way they could be sure… He was going to **have** to do it…

^^^^

Not even bothering to wake the still sleeping Tom Paris lying on the couch in their quarters, Ggin ran out through the doors, ignoring the shouts of protest and threat that came from the two armed guards outside. Even with her back to them she could see that they had phasers aimed at her and she leapt out of their way just in time. There was no use in trying to call Voyager's bridge, since the ship's computer would not recognise her voice commands outside of her quarters. Keeping a mental eye on the progress her two pursuers were making, she ducked into a turbolift, inputting her destination directly into the 'lift's control panel.

^^^^

Barely giving another second for thought, Tom started inputting a new course, away from the wormhole. In less than sixty seconds the wormhole would be too small for Voyager to fit through, all he had to do was input the new co-ordinates so quietly that none of the other bridge crew would notice. Their attention was still trained on the message they were receiving from the Alpha quadrant and if he listened really hard he could hear Chakotay telling the captain that whatever their decision was, they had to act now, before the wormhole closed.

A few feet away, the turbolift doors to the bridge suddenly opened to admit one other person,

Tolli, don't do this. It's not your decision to make. Ggin held a phaser in one hand and shakily she raised it to train it on the man sat at Voyager's helm.

"What the-" Now that she was forced to look properly, Janeway noticed that Tom's uniform didn't fit him as well as usual, hanging off his slight frame. And his hair looked even messier than usual, as if it had been hacked off into some semblance of his usual style. "Mr. Paris, step away from the controls."

"No way." Tom didn't even turn from his post and continued to input the new co-ordinates more forcefully.

"Captain, we're moving away from the anomaly." Harry Kim spoke up to point out the obvious and Kathryn's heart continued to pound. She **had** to get this Tom Paris away from the helm. 

It seemed that Ggin had the same idea for she continued to advance toward the pilot.

"Tolli, this phaser is set to kill." Ggin gulped as she took another step,

"You're not going to shoot me, Angel." He answered, still not turning in his seat. "And if you did you'd be doing me a favour…" 

"Maybe… But what if I shot **him**" Turning suddenly she trained her phaser on Voyager's first officer, sending a telepathic image of her prospective victim to the pilot, "If you continue as you are then he **will** die. If you take us into the wormhole, he **might** live…" **That** had Paris' attention and he slowly turned his chair so that he was facing his aggressor.

"Angel… Don't do this… **Why** are you doing this? Can't you see I'm trying to save them? The other Tom… I'm just doing what he hasn't the **strength** to…" Out of the corner of his eye, Tom could see the counter on his terminal clicking down the seconds, in a few moments the wormhole would be impenetrable… 

Following his line of vision and reaching into his mind, Ggin realised that there wasn't time for this and turning suddenly she flicked her phaser back to the stun setting and fired it at her friend. The moment he fell to the floor, Chakotay sprung into action, running for the helm controls. 

^^^^

What was gong on? Tom pulled himself into a sitting position, rubbing at a sore spot on his head- he'd taken quite a hit… There was no sign of his doppelganger and the door that led to the bathroom was half-open. He was out of his uniform and had been hurriedly dressed in a pair of sweats and T-shirt- the same outfit his double had been wearing earlier. Realising suddenly what had happened, he leapt for the door only to be stopped from crossing the threshold by the two phasers he found trained on him.

^^^^

The silence that filled the bridge was almost deafening as Ggin moved to kneel by her friend, pulling his unconscious body into her arms and rocking him gently. A few inches away, Chakotay stood at the conn, his palms supporting his weight and his head bowed in defeat. Someone said something about being too late and all eyes turned to the viewscreen upon which the shrinking wormhole could just be seen.

"Well, that's that then." The captain was trying to hide her disappointment as she returned to her chair. "Tuvok, contact the security team at the Ggin's quarters- I assume **our** Tom is still there?" Now Ggin felt the woman's stare on her back and slowly she nodded,

"He was unconscious when I found him. Tolli switched their clothing and locked me in the bathroom while I was sleeping." The captain nodded her understanding, too deflated to feel anger. 

"Have **this** Paris taken to the brig." Tuvok stepped forward to do his captain's bidding and Ggin got slowly to her feet,

"I'll go also. He'll need me when he wakes up… It's probably best that I remain with him and away from your crew." No one uttered a word in argument.

__

^^^^

Captain's Personal Log Stardate****

We have found a way to send the alternate Ggin and Tom Paris back to their own universe. I for one will not be sorry to see them go. 

I scarcely knew 'our' Ggin when she was alive and those who **did** have found **this** one to be a poor replacement. As for the **other** Paris, he has shown himself to possess none of the strength of character that marks our own as an officer to be proud of. 

They will leave in much the same way as they left; Seven of Nine and Lieutenant Torres have found a way to replicate the vortex that brought them here. They leave in approximately two hours.

^^^^

"What happens when you go back?" Voyager's 'good bye' committee consisted of Tom Paris and Commander Chakotay and neither man could look upon the sedated 'alternate' Paris without wanting to hit him. From behind the forcefield that held them both in the brig Ggin shrugged softly, her expression little more than a tight mask.

"When we started the vortex, our ship was being pursued by an enemy vessel. It matched our speed and held superior firepower. Before I left, Neelix rigged the warp-core to self-destruct roughly two minutes from then. Hopefully Tolli and I will make it back by then. We may yet be able to escape… But we will not allow ourselves to be captured." Briefly she glanced across at her now stirring companion.

"Can we have a minute?" Tom murmured to his commanding officer,

"Of course. But only a moment. The captain wants the transport to take place as soon as possible." Chakotay backed slowly out of the room to leave Ggin with the two Paris'.

"I can hardly bear to look at him." Paris almost snorted. "No, not because of **that**, because it could have been **me**! Before it happened I was watching Ki'na sleeping and I thought, how could I return him to such a terrible place… I don't think **I'm** looking forward to going back there *myself*- everything that's important to me is *here*… **I** thought about changing Voyager's co-ordinates…!"

"You didn't though. And if you had… Maybe he did the right thing…"

"We'll never know though, will we?" Paris' tone was suddenly accusatory. Ggin shrugged again,

"You've encountered the wormhole before, maybe you will again. Either way, my concern is returning Tolli home- where we both belong. Try not to be too hard on him- he's a part of you afterall. And he did what he did with very good reasons… **Love** is the most important reason for doing something that there is…"

"He's in love with him…? I wasn't sure at first…"

"Does that shock you?"

"No, I guess not… Did he know?"

"I think a part of him has always known…"

"Even now?" Ggin gave another shrug; there was no need to answer questions that had already been answered by their questioner… 

Any further discussion was ended by Commander Chakotay's re-entry into the room,

"Ready to go?" Paris deactivated the forcefield and handed Ggin a hypospray,

"This should bring him around…." Wordlessly she took the object and pressed it to the unconscious Tom's neck.

Time to go Tolli His eyelids fluttered open and he allowed himself to be pulled to his feet.

"I can walk!" Angrily he pushed her away and stepped out of the cell unaided; patently ignoring the look of hurt that flashed across Ggin's face.

"Do you think he'll forgive you?" Tom fell into step beside Ggin and she sighed, her schooled features tightening to stop the tears that threatened to crack its surface.

"I don't know that he'll have time. Unless **Our** Neelix has found a way to elude our pursuers… It doesn't matter, he got what he wanted…"

"I guess."

^^^^

Not long now… Neelix checked his chronometer. Fifteen seconds and counting, where the hell was she? He started counting down the seconds when the pinpoint of a vortex appeared where the last one had disappeared; it was about time…

^^^^

Tolli, I'll see you in a few seconds… Inspite of his attempts to pull free, Ggin cupped her friend's face in her hands and kissed his cheek. With one angry shove he broke free and with one quick glance from his 'twin' to Chakotay, Paris stepped into the vortex.

"Wait a few seconds for him to pass through completely-" Chakotay caught at Ggin's hand before she had the chance to follow him.

^^^^

"Twelve, eleven, ten, nine- Tom! Oh thank **god**!" Neelix leapt up to hug the pilot as he appeared, "Is Linie behind you?"

^^^^ 

I'm sorry you lost your Ggin. Ggin lifted one hand to stroke Chakotay's cheek,

"I know. And I'm sorry you lost K'Tya. You're never going to say that name again, are you?"

"No. He's gone and so is his name…"

^^^^

"Seven, six, five…"

^^^^

"Good-bye Tom… I'm sure you won't turn into *him*…" Ggin turned to the vortex and took one last look around her, maybe **this** Voyager would be happier than her own had been…

^^^^

"Two, one-"

^^^^

Voyager was rocked by a giant explosion and deep inside the vortex, Ggin's destination disappeared,

"Noo…" Struggling to get free of the strong arms that suddenly held her back from the inferno that had moments ago been her tunnel back home, Ggin screamed, "Tolli, Tolli… Let me go...Please…" 

As the vortex disappeared into nothing, Chakotay held a collapsed and hysterical Ggin close to him, guiding her dead-weight to the floor,

"What happened?"

"We must have been too late- their warp core exploded…" Tom was at the transporter's controls in seconds, trying to find out more. Chakotay returned his attention to the woman in his arms,

"Please… you have to send me back…" Her screaming had given way to exhausted sobs and she buried her face in her hands and she rocked herself back and forth.

^^^^

**__**

Epilogue

"Feeling any better?" Cautiously Voyager's first officer approached the figure that stood motionless at the viewport, her hands hanging lifelessly at her sides.

"When I first woke up on Voyager after I was 'rescued' from the Borg ship, I felt **so** alone… I thought I would never feel more so… Now I know otherwise." Suddenly she turned to face him and the blank, dead expression to her eyes made him start. "And you stand there and think that **you** have something to mourn…" With a mirthless half-giggle, Ggin reached out one cold hand to him, "Come with me. There is someone I think you should meet…"

Chakotay allowed himself to be led through the ship by this new and **alien** replica of his wife, not quite understanding where she was taking him. Finally they stopped at a door and at her sharp nod he called for admittance.

The nursery was in darkness and held two people: slumped on the couch and half falling off one end of it, Tom Paris snored to himself but Ggin tugged at Chakotay's hand until they had reached the crib that dominated one corner of the room. Letting go of the commander's hand she gingerly reached into the cot, to lift its occupant into her arms. A little disconcerted at coming face to face with someone that she in all fairness should never have met, Ggin placed the infant into Chakotay's arms, steering him over to sit on the couch before his untrained arms could drop the child.

Seating herself on the floor beside Chakotay Ggin propped her head on the sleeping Tom Paris' knee and placed her other hand on the commander's knee.

"You were entrusted with a new life. It's time you honoured that. Never forget what you have in this life Chakotay, you have a **family**, don't turn away from that…" 

^^^^

When he awoke several hours later, Tom found that the couch he had fallen asleep on was a little more crowded than it had been before and for long moments he simply peered at their reflection in the nursery viewport. 'If the **other** Chakotay knew, I wonder if **you** do…' Then he gave up on his musings and let his eyes fall shut. 

**__**

THE END

**__**


End file.
